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John Holmes Motherfucker

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Comments
The complete Boxxy / John Holmes Thingee
03/28/13, 15:39

Lamest Santa-shaming EVER!
Re: Santa Baby - 3v3 (official music video)
03/27/13, 21:57

>>Also, yes, suggestively: she dances to a song where she pouts her lips and jiggles her cleavage for the camera, while she coos to Santa that she's been an awful good girl and wants to be showered with material gifts.

Yes, and the song mentions PREMARITAL KISSING. What are we, Baptists?
The complete Boxxy / John Holmes Thingee
03/27/13, 21:26

I don't have as much time as you have bullshit.
The complete Boxxy / John Holmes Thingee
03/27/13, 21:24

D'OH!
Re: Santa Baby - 3v3 (official music video)
03/27/13, 21:08

No, CJH, I'm friends with YOUR mom.

Look, I haven't done anything wrong, so why should I care?


creep·y (krp)
adj. creep·i·er, creep·i·est Informal
1. Of or producing a sensation of uneasiness or fear, as of things crawling on one's skin: a creepy feeling; a creepy story.
2. Annoyingly unpleasant; repulsive: the creepy kids next door.


A long time ago, i was embarrassed about this, but now I can't think of any reason why I shouldn't take pleasure in inspiring this kind of reaction for something so completely innocent. I think it's hilarious, especially when someone tries to embarrass me, and it backfires so extravagantly.
The complete Boxxy / John Holmes Thingee
03/27/13, 20:15

>>Oh, and quick question: "this is how Catie Wayne says FUCK YOU on the internet to the scores of adolescent dick-shoopers." So let me get this straight. Because she's upset about the attention she's getting from her bukkake photoshopping fans, she... goes and dances around in a cleavage-spilling Santa-fetish outfit while singing a highly suggestive song?

God, you're a dick.

"Highly suggestive" of what? It's a song from the fifties culminating in a marriage proposal.

The point of Unichan is not that they're pervs. I already explained this. Feel free to read it again.

And that's all of Evil Homer's bullshit I've got time for.
The complete Boxxy / John Holmes Thingee
03/27/13, 20:03

>>I love that you think it's the girl's behavior we're concerned with, here.

It's what I'M concerned with. I don't care what you're concerned with.
Re: Santa Baby - 3v3 (official music video)
03/27/13, 19:37

And you're so special.



There, that's better.
Re: Santa Baby - 3v3 (official music video)
03/27/13, 19:35

And you're so special.
Re: Santa Baby - 3v3 (official music video)
03/27/13, 19:23

"Suggestively" also seems like a bit of a stretch. Betty Grable did a hotter Shimmy (and showed more skin) in 1943.
Re: Santa Baby - 3v3 (official music video)
03/27/13, 19:20

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=119603
Waking up with Enzo the Tiger
03/27/13, 19:18

I agree. Many species of Tiger are endangered (I think Tigers are more than one species; I may be wrong.) and they're fucking tigers, they're arguably the most awesome wild animals on earth. We don't want to lose them. There's a sanctuary someplace where volunteers take care of Lions and Tigers who assholes get as pets and find out it was a stupid idea. I saw it in a documentary or something.
Waking up with Enzo the Tiger
03/27/13, 19:09

"Dogs! They're GRRRRRRRRRREATTTTT!!
The complete Boxxy / John Holmes Thingee
03/27/13, 16:06

Thank you for your interest. I have prepared a brief statement for the media... which I have rewritten into an extremely long statement. I know that most of you aren't going to read it, so when you snidely tell me that you didn't read it, don't expect much of a reaction. I won't be taking any questions afterward.

I learned two things from this experience.

First, I learned that pouring SPLAT hair bleach on your face and leaving it there for an hour is extremely uncomfortable.

Secondly, I learned that I look like Santa Claus! The lo-res crappy video does not fully convey the reality of the Jolly Old Elf I found in the mirror. As someone who aspires to make videos, this is a bonanza for me. Santa Claus is as iconic and recognizable as Mickey Mouse, yet completely public domain. I will doing another Santa Claus video next year, and this time I'm going to do it up right.


I was frankly horrified when I first saw SantaBaby in December of 2011, but Boxxmom was kind enough to take some time out of her Christmas Eve to explain it to me, and now it's my absolute favorite. In terms of the Boxxysphere, the hardcore of community of fans, Catie's decision to show a little cleavage is the equivalent of Dylan going electric.

As usual, it's all about the crazy, baroque, internet psychopolitics of the Boxxysphere. In 2009, after Catie was forced off the internet, and Boxxy was banned from 4chan, a group of dejected exiles from 4chan set up Unichan, a 4chan-style image board dedicated to unfettered Boxxydolatry. For a period of maybe a year and a half, they posted fan art, videos, and whatnot, as offerings to their goddess, and then, in late 2010, a miracle! Boxxy herself posted in Unichan to announce her return. After she convinced the devotees that she was was not a troll, her return was treated as a message from heaven, and there was much rejoicing.

http://youtu.be/aTyCJQYrGt0

Of course, you can probably guess what happened next. "The Queen" angered everyone by acting like she actually owned her own image. She copyrighted her old videos, made few new videos at first, and most of these weren't about Boxxy at all, except for the one where she very patiently explained that she was not really Boxxy, and they did NOT want to hear that. The worst part was that she started her own website, making Unichan no longer the center of the Boxxysphere.

Unichan got dark. The boys started gossiping, vindictively picking apart everything Catie said for "lies", photoshopping cocks into her pictures, and creating melodramatic editorial cartoons of Boxxy lying dead while Catie dances on a pile of money. Most of the criticism of Catie from "Loonychan" centers on the two incompatable ideas that Catie is 1) "a money grubbing Jew" who wants to exploit her popularity for profit, and 2) not really interested in Boxxy. Since the character of Boxxy is easily Catie's most exploitable asset, it's a huge contradiction, but, you may have already guessed, these boys don't care about logic.

Some of the stuff that I saw there was truly horrible, and I was not there all that much. There was some "fan fiction" of Catie being raped, and choking on the author's bloody, shit-smeared tool, to the point of losing consciousness. When I alerted Catie's mom, she was not all that concerned. They'd seen it all before.

In December of 2011, the screaming was at its height. In this context, "Santa Baby" was a master stroke, a glorious gesture of cheerful defiance. You can almost hear her sweetly saying FUCK YOU BOYS as she smiles and shakes her titties at the camera. Of course, when her mother explained it to me,she didn't exactly use the words "FUCK YOU" to describe the intent. I'm paraphrasing, and I'm leaving out some things, references to arcane Boxxysphere controversies, such as the infamous Birthday Video. Nevertheless, this is how Catie Wayne says FUCK YOU on the internet to the scores of adolescent dick-shoopers. Compared to most of the internet FUCK YOUs I've seen, I consider this one to be pretty classy.

And the Loonychan faggos did indeed lose their funny little minds over this, going on and on about her "betrayal", and raving like a gay preacher in the closet about how she was acting like a whore, though the prostitutes in MY town don't usually wear long pants under their dresses.

It's all calmed down now. As hyper as her Boxxy persona is supposed to be, her Catie persona has always been modest, friendly, and low key, and the Boxxysphere has felt that influence. She forgave the kids who hacked her youtube account. I've never seen anyone take so much shit with so much grace.

http://tinyurl.com/c6uqnqs

That thing she does where she shakes her tits? That's called a "shimmy", and it's about a hundred years old. Anyone who thinks this is suggestive ought to check out Betty Grable's performance of "I Wish I Could Shimmy like my Sister Kate" in "Coney Island" (1943), with George Montgomery and Ceasar Romero. It'll blow your mind.

And she's not not all that "chunky". Notice her skinny little legs when she makes her entrance. As attractive as Catie is, she seems to be oddly proportioned.
A responsible gun owner exercises his freedom
03/26/13, 19:00

If not for the camera, he would have shot a fucker.
Dear White Hipsters: My Culture Is Not A Trend
03/26/13, 18:45

I love how she can't actually forbid us to wear tattoos and piercings so she keeps telling us how "I don't appreciate it". Like we did it to impress HER.

Didn't she mention punk rockers? Punk rockers aren't decorating themselves with sacred african symbols. If you consider tattooing separate from the content, that's not culture; it's a technology, like writing or paining. I don't care who invented writing, no one owns it.


I think I have to give the young lady some credit. As ridiculously wrong as she usually is, she has a way of making you think.
Petting Animals Against Their Will (CuddleRape) Is Exploitation.
03/26/13, 11:57

Also, has anyone else encountered a pet wanting attention, and not taking no for an answer?

Of course you have! I was totally cuddle-raped this morning when my cat climbed onto my sleeping body and got my attention by poking my bald spot with his claws.
Dear White Hipsters: My Culture Is Not A Trend
03/26/13, 00:37

Well, this is ironic!



Blackbelt Jones 2 hours ago

Trend? My tattoos are old enough to be your father.
·
GataAgressiva411

GataAgressiva411 13 minutes ago

LOL!
· in reply to Blackbelt Jones




I made her LOL!
Dear White Hipsters: My Culture Is Not A Trend
03/26/13, 00:23

My last drink was in 1999. I think it's the espresso talking.
Dear White Hipsters: My Culture Is Not A Trend
03/26/13, 00:18

The money from the tattoo shops isn't going to the people who originated the practice?

Well, that's because they died thousands of years ago.

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