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EvilHomer

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Comments
Ron Perlman weighs in on killing Hitler
11/10/15, 16:02

Well, on-topic so far as dogs go. Also, dogs dying. So actually, in retrospect, I guess that WAS pretty on-topic.
Ron Perlman weighs in on killing Hitler
11/10/15, 16:00

Totally off-topic, but I just wanted to let Boomie know that the latest dog video made it out of the hopper (it's off the front page, so not sure if you saw it).

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=148965

The dog-to-human speech translator device is called a BowLingual, and apparently it doesn't work very well. It's a neat idea, though!

... sorry, gentlemen. Carry on.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/10/15, 15:52

Cena WAS a rich kid. Believe me; I know West Newburry. My grandmother lived there (actually, she lived in Merrimac, but that's literally just across the river from Cenaville. She probably could have stood on her porch and seen Cena's house), and I can tell you from personal experience that it is a really idyllic place. Yeah, sure, his parents probably weren't "butler and servants" rich, but West Newburry is a "send the son to prep school/ buy the daughter a pony/ own a small private plane" kinda place. You looked at the Wikipedia article, you saw for yourself: the average Male Jerk makes over $100k a year - six figures! Compare that to Greenwich, home of HHH, where the average Male Jerk makes a mere $95,085.

Now, I can't find any info on what the elder Mr Cena actually did for a living, but it's reasonable to assume that he was loaded. A doctor, maybe a lawyer, small-time investment banker, who knows? He certainly made enough to have five children, and put them through prep schools that cost more than many colleges! Yeah, sure, that's chump change for a man like John Cena circa This Morning, who's currently worth something like $35 million. But face it: he was still born a dang richer.



And so WHAT if Helio's arm got broke? It got broke TWICE, and frankly that's AWESOME. I mean, a minute ago you were going on and on about how great Cena is - John Cena obviously values having a never-surrender, never-say-die spirit, so why don't you?

You saw the headlines. Helio Gracie won a (moral) victory. He got TKO'd, sure, but he was a true competitor. ANYONE can win a judo match, but it takes a true winner to keep fighting, even after being choked out and having your arm broken in two places!

Finally, in regards to the smack talking: Helio was cutting promos. That's what you do when you cut promos - you smack talk and give the other guy a hard time. Everyone does this, from the Undertaker to the Ultimate Warrior to John "You Can't See Me" Cena himself. Give Helio a break, wouldja! They fight differently, but on a moral and spiritual level, Helio and Cena are basically the same people.
My New Highest Note
11/10/15, 06:26

Check his channel. Over half of his videos are philosophical treatises about vampires. The rest are devoted to debunking global warming, deconstructing Katy Perry songs, snake fetishism, singing octaves, and at least one Star Wars skit involving his socks.

Honestly, this submission right here is probably Mr Doran at his most sane.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/10/15, 05:57

Also, LOL at that first video you posted. Promo is so full of crap. John Cena is "the definition of working class" because he "worked" hard at football practice. John Cena went to the School of Hard Nocks - not the School of Hard KNOCKS mind you, just some random gym owned by a dude named Nocks.

I'll give you this, though: I admire John Cena's refusal to give up. In that way he is much like the Undertaker, or even Helio Gracie. Helio Gracie didn't have Kimura's "Dean Malenko movelist", but he never submitted. Helio got his ass kicked, then he stood up and said "is that all you got?"

The Gracies live the John Cena code. That heart is why the Gracies (including their adopted son, the Undertaker) are the first family of MMA.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/10/15, 03:41

Paris Island? Sounds nice. So typical of a man with Cena's privilege; I bet he spent most of his day sightseeing at Notre Dame, and eating fine escargot at a restaurant on Place Dauphine. Then he puked up all that escargot - because apparently, according to Mark, John Cena's bulimic. I guess that's how he keeps his figure: binge and puke.

You know where real badasses train? D̲e̲a̲t̲h̲ ̲V̲a̲l̲l̲e̲y̲. It's true, oh it's true.

https://youtu.be/_TTL5p4ueJw
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 18:34

I should add that John Cena didn't even have the decency to attend a top class prep-school. Cushing Academy is a notorious daycare-center for jocks; they're sub-Deerfield so far as the actual school goes, which of course is saying a lot!

But like I said, he can pretend he's a rapper all he wants. He's a wrestler and an entertainer, he's entitled to kayfabe privileges.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 18:23

The Gracies were Maeda's children, and Mark Calaway, by extension, his grandson. Every time you shit on one them, you are transitively shitting on Maeda.

And the Gracies weren't lying, they were building hype for Maeda through the clever use of kayfabe gimmicks! You wouldn't call John Cena "a liar" just because he sometimes pretends to be a rapper, and at other times, pretends to be a Marine... would you? I mean, *in reality*, John Cena is just a prep-school kid from the rich part of Massachusetts who got lucky straight out of college; but hey, that's cool. Kayfabe, right?
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 18:02

Please, the STF is just a watered-down Crippler Crossface. It wasn't "his own", Cena stole it from Benoit, and then he made it worse by PG-ifying it.

And what do you have against Mitsuo Maeda?! Maeda-sama was one of the greatest wrestlers and judoka who ever lived - possibly THE greatest. He's the founding father of MMA, and if it wasn't for his tireless work a century ago, taking the Gracie children under his wing and training them to be the most dominant family in martial arts entertainment, then we'd probably all be watching something wussy right now - like soccer, or even squash.

I know you've got this weird man-crush on Kimura, but that doesn't mean you can't also love Maeda. Kimura respected and feared the elder Maeda; so should you.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 17:23

Everyone knows how to counter it because BJJ is the single most important and widely-used tool in an MMA fighter's arsenal. It got that way because of the Gracies, the most influential jujitsu family of all time - MMA royalty, every bit as important to the sport as the McMahon's are to wrestling. And guess what? They've trained the Undertaker, but not John Cena. They'd laugh John "Fireman Carry" Cena straight out of their dojo.

Besides, I don't see too many people countering the Hell's Gate, do you? Not since the Angle Lock and the Walls of Jericho has there been a submission move so deadly.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 16:34

Taker has a black belt in jujitsu and was trained by none other than Rolles Gracie. How do you think he learned how to use wrestling's most forbidden technique, the Hell's Gate Gogoplata? Years of advanced MMA training, that's how.

He's also an OG member of Team Pacquiao. Check it out: https://youtu.be/fc7pI5G-SRM
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 16:06

Yes fedex, you and Cena, you are both trolling.

I, on the other hand, am just telling it like it is.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 15:04

True, and that's why Jericho is my favorite wrestler, even over the Undertaker. But in fairness to Lord Calaway, it's not his job to put over noobs and the undeserving. The Undertaker is in a league all his own; he cannot diminish his brand or his legacy by letting any old rookie defeat him. You have to EARN that right, through sweat and blood and authentic MMA streetcred.

Seriously, Cena, you're just hating on the Undertaker because he's the most dominant wrestler that sports entertainment has ever known. It's not his fault it took twenty-one years before Lesnar rose to the challenge! It's not his fault that John Cena will be retired while the Deadman continues to bury rookies alive.
My New Highest Note
11/09/15, 14:19

You knew a lot of vampires?
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 13:02

I told you before, the Taker *let* Lesnar win, because he knew Lesnar was the one man worthy enough to carry The Deadman's torch into the next generation. Brock and the Undertaker have had their differences, but they're both MMA fighters, both true warriors. Brock has the power, the attitude, and the jujitsu skills which allowed The Undertaker to claim the longest undefeated winning streak in Wrestlemania history.

Any "butthurt" must have come from marks, or from smarks who were cleverly trolling you! No true Taker fan would be upset about that glorious night. The Taker didn't lose Wrestlemania XXX; he simply passed the Blessing of Darkness on to his chosen progeny.
Warcraft - Official Trailer
11/09/15, 12:21

My favorite RTS was Company of Heroes, but the plot for CoH was totally unbelievable and could never be made into a movie. I mean, seriously: all these Germans just one day MAGICALLY decide to turn into Nazis? And then a hundred thousand American troops have to land on some beach and invade France? Preposterous. Audiences would never buy that malarkey.
BEGIN Japanology: Dogs
11/09/15, 12:14

Oh come ON; the cat in the tupperware box was funny.
Regis Philbin attempts to interview the Undertaker
11/09/15, 11:34

The Undertaker is the greatest champion the squared circle has ever known - greater than Hogan, greater than Cena, hell, greater even than CM Punk, if you can believe that.

What did Regis expect? That he'd interview the Undertaker and NOT be sent away in a pine coffin?!
Warcraft - Official Trailer
11/09/15, 03:37

OH SHIT! Ragnar Lo­brok!

Never played WoW, played the first two RTS games, wasn't even aware they had a plot. I cannot rate this on canonicity or Warcraft trivia, but I love Vikings, and as such might be willing to pirate and/or watch this on Netflix.
STARWIPE: Bill Cosby and OJ Simpson! ;)
11/09/15, 01:51

Back when I still watched TV, I used to love checking different channels at different times, studying commercials to try and figure out what sort of people the networks assumed were watching! Adult Swim had a lot of nursing school commercials, too, as well as injury lawyers.

To answer your existential dread, IZ: I think it's because most people watching TMZ have already given up on life, and TMZ knows this. TMZ likes to encourage depression, because if you ever cheered up, then you'd have neither the time nor the inclination to watch TMZ anymore. You're not expected to better yourself by going to culinary school; you're just supposed to notice it's there, so that your life's ever-diminishing potential will remain on your thoughts for the rest of the day.

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