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Comments
The 21 Christian Pornstar Commandments
02/20/13, 08:02

Fuck, # 19 should be "NOT into poop."
The 21 Christian Pornstar Commandments
02/20/13, 07:59

Responses/questions for each Commandment:

1). Nobody likes seeing condoms in porn. Part of porn's appeal (at least for me) is watching a woman be with multiple barebacked partners, either one-on-one, or, you know, at the same time, whatever. Married/engaged couples are annoying whenever I have a favorite porn star but she's only with the same scraggly geek in every one of her scenes (like Faye Reagan).

2). I don't like anal scenes that much, but to each their own. Shut up.

3). .....Why?

4). But what if I WANT to see "This Ain't Gilgamesh!" or "Dante's Harem"?

5). .............Why?

6). Yeeah, suddenly I'm not liking 'Christian porn' so much...

7). This contradicts Commandment # 1. Husband porn partners ARE suitcase pimps...

8). But can we keep making fun of you people for other reasons?

9). They don't do that anymore...at least not blatantly.

10). I came up with at least three responses for this, but again, all I can go with is "why?"

11). To each their own. Shut up.

12). She does have somewhat of a point here. At the same time, why should Blackzilla and Whitezilla have to change their names?

13). Why?

14). So that "Roots" parody would have to go, then?

15). I don't think that's legally in the mainstream.

16). Not into this either, but to each their own. Shut up.

17). Lady, have you ever actually had sex?

18). I agree. That's wasteful. Blow it in her mouth instead. I also call for a mandate of more creampies!

19). If you're not sure, GOOGLE it? You really want someone Googling the word 'scat!?' Seriously. The evils of Google are mighty. Also, I'm into poop, but.......oh, just shut up.

20). Why?

21). Pretty sure there's lots of setting up, stage direction, mutual agreements, stuff that will take at least a few hours befre the actual shooting begins. Unless you're stupid enough to think Bangbus is real.

She said '21' but there was a 22nd, so maybe I missed one. Who gives a fuck though.

- 1 for 14 minutes of her goddamn bird, her insufferable personality and her constant disapproving camera stares. Like everything else Christians try to make their own, Christian porn would be banal and grating.
Chris-Chan the Sitcom
02/20/13, 07:13

(Megan enters the room.)

AUDIENCE: WOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Applause)

CHRIS-CHAN: Megan! I fantasy you and me taking the trip, having fun at the Penny Arcade Expo, maybe take a tour of the Nintendo of America company, playing Guitar Hero with you on my PS3 in our hotel room, and basically just being with you, period...

AUDIENCE: (Laughter, applause).

MEGAN: I'm just a little mad that I have to keep telling you to PLEASE stop touching me!

AUDIENCE: Oooooooooh...
L. A. Noire Gag Reel
02/18/13, 20:38

Plus the interrogation answers are always the same. One time I kept getting a wrong answer and I reset my Xbox until I finally landed on the right one.
L. A. Noire Gag Reel
02/18/13, 20:34

I tried to enjoy this game, I really did. I dedicated a lot of time to it. But I slowly withdrew when I realized that every case boiled down to searching houses till the scary music stopped and getting the right answers on multiple choice quizzes. Oh, and not smashing the shit out of the city during chases. In at least one case I aced every single interrogation 100% and found every clue, but because I'd lost control of the car and flattened a bunch of trash cans and light poles during a chase, I got a poor star rating and a terrifying chewing out from my superior.

I never took any of the radio calls because I discovered that a lot of the case objectives are timed. Like if I didn't get to a restaurant fast enough a message would display at the end of a case saying something like "You would have found your culprit faster if you made better time getting to the restaurant." So yeah, the whole thing just became completely linear except for the shoot outs.

Or maybe I need to give it another go. I've been considering trading it in.
Wreck-It Ralph (if it were live action and one minute long)
02/17/13, 09:21

"Wreck-It Ralph" is one of those movies that, had I seen it when I was six, it would have scared the shit out of me.

I'm talking about the "this is for your own good!" scene. Je-sus fuck Disney, you and your pathos...
Siskel & Ebert review DIE HARD.
02/17/13, 09:16

One thing Ebert seems to overlook here is Reginald VelJohnson being the only one on the ground with any common sense, though I suppose that could support Ebert's argument as well. The cops are all about following procedures, flipping through the terrorist playbook, "I'll have your badge!" etc. while Winslow understands that everything they do is exactly what Alan Rickman wants.
Siskel & Ebert review DIE HARD.
02/17/13, 09:07

Deputy Chief Dickhead was the worst, most cliched part of the movie if you don't count the obligatory scene where the FBI shows up and says "This is OUR crime scene now!"

Still though, "Die Hard" has a kind of charm that the shitty 4th movie completely dropped. And silly/saccharine as it is, I like John McClane/Carl Winslow's over-the-radio bromance.
A Day in the Life of poeTV.com
02/15/13, 06:13

VenomFangX...Chris-Chan...TFL Bill...Fred Phelps. PoeTV's Legion of Doom has been assembled.

The only clip that would make this more complete would be DemoniusX and "I fucked the bitch, ON THAT BED!"
A Day in the Life of poeTV.com
02/15/13, 05:09

Amazing! I never thought I'd have to endure that Kemonozume clip again.

Now I'm wondering what a Day in the Life of Bo News is like?
Nintendo Early 90's Promo Video - 'How we do it'
02/14/13, 17:59

When I was a kid, I abused the hell out of the tip line until Nintendo moved the reps off those phones and replaced them with an automated system that only helped with current games.

One time when my friend spent the night we asked the phone rep how much money he made...and he actually told us. ($ 8 an hour.) In retrospect, I like to think he was nearing the end of his two week notice.
Nintendo Early 90's Promo Video - 'How we do it'
02/14/13, 17:54

If you were a Nintendo child in the early 90's, Nintendo Power was awesome. Unless you were wise for your age, then you might have realized they were monthly installments of Nintendo sucking their own dicks and controlling sales of the licensees who were naughty or nice to them.
Nintendo Early 90's Promo Video - 'How we do it'
02/14/13, 17:51

"The evils have landed! Repeat, the evils have landed!"
Bill OReilly speaks out aginst the 'lack of respect epidemic in America'
02/11/13, 08:14

Conservatives are incapable of understanding how multiple factors contribute to big issues. They see the effect of the causes and just blame that as the culprit. But yeah, No Child Left Behind, teachers treated like shit, class warfare, a crippled economy, tax dollars misspent on wars, apathy, boredom, media fearmongering, psychological issues, shortened attention spans, parents forced to work harder for less, giving them less time to discipline or raise their own children...clearly it's the PUBLIC SCHOOLS that are entirely blame. The only solution to this epidemic is sending your kids to Our Godbody of New York where they'll spend their days with sexually frustrated nuns and priests.
Bill OReilly speaks out aginst the 'lack of respect epidemic in America'
02/11/13, 07:36

Yeah, I find it interesting that a 23 page court document on The Smoking Gun is filled with this guy sexually harassing a woman, shoving a dildo up his ass and bleeting about how he can get away with anything because of his power and prestige.

But everyone else is in this country is just so disrespectful that this is an afterthought.
Bill OReilly speaks out aginst the 'lack of respect epidemic in America'
02/11/13, 07:28

And of course his response to America's totally at fault public school system is to send his own kids to an institution that will teach them horseshit and either turn them into blowhards like him or make them Atheists.

Also, I wonder what sly thought crossed Bill's mind when he mentioned that the flippant drug addicted lass appeared before judge 'Whore-hey' Rodriguez-Chomat. "Quite fitting for that little wayward trollop...although I'll bet she's got magnificent boobs to soap up from behind."
Hungry Man TV Dinner Commercial
02/08/13, 12:15

"If you don't eat this horrible microwave meal for dinner, God will kill you."
Things Girls Should Know About Guys
02/07/13, 18:32

Things Girls Should Know About Guys:

Not all of us are like this dude, and thank the fuck Christ.
Fifty Shades of Grey
02/06/13, 12:26

"...That's what I thought." (nod, glasses.)
Fifty Shades of Grey
02/06/13, 12:24

That sounds the most boring and unconvincing not-erotica ever. Like it's dirty but it's a 'safe' kind of dirty, just filthy enough for God to overlook when church ladies read it. I'd like to see these 'mommies' try some Selena Kitt or Ana´s Nin.

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