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Comments
Lifeline - The telephone service that helps save people
06/28/13, 07:41

Five stars alone for those lovely slow motion montages with their ominous scores. An additional five for Bill Hates. Another five at the thought of something like a closeted homosexual using his family's Lifeline to call up his 200 mile away partner and then saving everyone on the long distance.
Fischer: Anti-Gay Activists Now Second Class Citizens
06/27/13, 07:14

Bryan Fischer ‏@BryanJFischer 9h
SCOTUS today disenfranchised every black voter who voted for Prop 8. Where's the outrage over minority vote suppression?
Fischer: Anti-Gay Activists Now Second Class Citizens
06/26/13, 23:02

Five stars for the word 'poutrage,' a glorious new addition to my vocabulary.
A Korean Commercial
06/26/13, 06:59

Original's tags aren't very good plus 2007 is the new 20 years ago. I'll give it a pass.
A Korean Commercial
06/26/13, 06:56

I get it too:



(Spoiler below)



America can't have awesome commercials like this because Christians have ruined everything.
Rectal Prolapse
06/25/13, 21:50

I'm not watching this. But I liked it better when naked tits accidentally got on the front page.
ONCE IN A LIFETIME: Cyber Seduction!
06/24/13, 20:04

Good writing would have answered some honest questions about Monica. Better writing would have thrown out the entire script and made the whole thing about her.

What would lead a high school senior into camwhoring? The movie is apparently set early or midway through the school year, so is she even of legal age to BE a cam model? If it's not legal why is her site open for easy access? What do her parnets do for a living, and what are they like? Why does she only want to fuck in her parents' bedroom? Why does she have such glaring rejection issues? Why is her response to rejection getting petty revenge?

Seriously, I know this is a shit Lifetime movie but an entire case study could be done on Monica. Amy the Christian girlfriend has as many layers as a CD-ROM.
ONCE IN A LIFETIME: Cyber Seduction!
06/24/13, 17:26

Cyber Seduction's director is Tom McLoughlin, who also directed
"Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives." He went from directing what is arguably the best Friday the 13th movie in the entire series to TV movie horseshit. So "Cyber Seduction" is his baby, and Kelly Lynch's fully nude body can be located with a Google image search. The mind reels.
ONCE IN A LIFETIME: Cyber Seduction!
06/24/13, 10:01

This movie. This fucking movie.

I'm pretty sure the entire thing's already on this site. I also have a torrented copy stashed away somewhere and a legit copy of the DVD I bought from Lifetime's store. That's the REAL 'joke' since I literally paid $ 19 for what ended up being a burned CD-R that has no menus and software generated chapter skips. It's the first DVD where I could fast-forward through the FBI warning because all they did was shove it onto the same track as the movie.

I have a review of it up on my blog but I'm not gonna self-spam. Cyber Seduction makes a spastic grab at a moral but it's like the writers either can't figure out what that moral is or else don't know how to present it properly. There's a scene right after this 16-year-old boy is introduced to the porn by his friend Timmy (that's the guy who calls him 'scuzzy' for pulling up the women in leather) where Justin's walking down the hall at school. His Christian girlfriend's chatting his ear off about boring shit. Suddenly the music transitions into a sad tragic piano number and there are all these slow-motion shots of Justin noticing girls' asses, boobs, and thighs, which is crosscut with VERY TAME porn preview pics he viewed the night before. Like 1996 caliber tame previews. So now this TEENAGE BOY is starting to LOOK AT WOMEN SEXUALLY instead of paying attention to his DEVOUT GIRLFRIEND and it's clearly PORN'S FAULT.

It gets worse. There's this girl named Monica who is supposed to represent the girlfriend Amy's polar opposite, I guess, because of her overt sexuality. Monica's a high school senior with a site where she hosts her own naughty webcam shows. Beyond that, the movie does absolutely nothing to develop her character. It doesn't even try. She exists only for Justin to lust after and be tempted by.

This EiT montage leaves out one of the movie's best scenes. Justin is about to have sex with Monica after Amy dumps him over the PDA porn. Justin has a sudden epiphany that porn's made him want the 'sluts' like Monica and not the 'good girls' like Amy. After Justin rejects Monica, she has a complete mental breakdown, screams like a banshee and chases him out of her parents' bedroom, down the stairs and out of the house. Then she goes in the bathroom and smashes her forehead on the counter so she can tell her douchebag boyfriend and Timmy that Justin beat on her.

Justin ends up getting pummeled by Timmy and douchebag, winding up in a pile of trash ("THIS IS WHERE PORN WILL LEAD YOU PROBABLY MAYBE"). He decides to attempt suicide in the dumbest way possible by drowning himself in the school pool without using restraints. Needless to say, an ensuing montage of everybody in the movie who was shitty to him helps him realize that he wants to LIVE, and that's where the movie ends.

That's really what it comes down to, and why it's so hard to accept this movie's 'moral.' Everybody is shitty to this boy. His girlfriend is shitty to him. His mother is especially shitty to him. His father is shitty to him after deciding a 'boys will be boys!' attitude isn't sitting well with Kelly Lynch. Timmy is shitty to Justin because he introduces Justin to porn in the first place and then backpedals when Justin pulls up the leather babes. The coach is shitty to Justin. The boys in the locker room are shitty to Justin. This is the worst possible dimension in which to suffer through puberty.

The popup scene is something that has to be seen to believed. You'd think the parents are battling HAL-9000 or SkyNet with the amount of intense drama the scene conveys.
Kick-Ass 2 Trailer
06/22/13, 22:47

I dunno why, but movie Hit-Girl seemed more of a selling point when she was small. Grown Chloe just makes her look awkward.
Kick-Ass 2 Trailer
06/21/13, 08:56

The Kick-Ass books are horrendous. I mean complete garbage. The only way they can really be appreciated is by assigning deeper meanings to them, which is what I assume these fanboys are doing. At least in the first movie Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman shoveled away enough of Mark Millar's shit to create a fun two hours.

I read somewhere that Millar was displeased with how 'soft' the movie ended up being so he made the Kick-Ass 2 book ten times more offensive.
Kick-Ass 2 Trailer
06/21/13, 07:48

The Mother Fucker also murders a group of children with submachine guns. Stars and Stripes is killed and his dog's severed head is shoved over his face.

The book is nothing but a test of how mean and unsettling it can get.The first volume was more over-the-top stupid.

That said, I actually did enjoy the first Kick-Ass movie. so even though I've sold both of my Kick-Ass graphic novels on eBay I'll probably watch this.
Cheer up Will Smith - From the Church of Scientology
06/19/13, 22:06

Can someone explain to me what legal grounds there were to remove the site? Can lawyers use the Jedi mind trick if they're paid enough whackadoo cult money?
JonBenet Ramsey is Wonderful (Happy Angelversary!)
06/19/13, 21:48

Yeah, there's something not quite right about this.
August 1990 Comedy Channel promos and commercials
06/19/13, 08:26

Also, apologies: some connection fuckery threw my post up twice.
August 1990 Comedy Channel promos and commercials
06/19/13, 08:26

I didn't watch it when it was the Comedy Channel. Was six in 1990. My earliest memory of Comedy Central is around '93 or '94 when they had Penn.
JonBenet Ramsey is Wonderful (Happy Angelversary!)
06/19/13, 08:23

Also I didn't know what an 'angelversary' was but I had a pretty good idea. I checked the YouTube page. Yep. "Happy murderversay!"
JonBenet Ramsey is Wonderful (Happy Angelversary!)
06/19/13, 08:21

Until about 1/3 through I thought this was a montage of dead little blonde girls and the first one was named 'Caitlin.'
August 1990 Comedy Channel promos and commercials
06/18/13, 21:14

Huh? No Penn Jillette?
August 1990 Comedy Channel promos and commercials
06/18/13, 21:13

Huh? No Penn Jillette?

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