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Quad9Damage

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Comments
Santorum being covered with ..santorum?
02/15/12, 23:04

If you get splattered with Romney poop, well... just make the best of a bad situation.
Rifftrax: Twilight Eclipse clips
02/15/12, 18:05

I admit that Rifftrax doesn't have the same magic MST3k did, but all the same, it is impossible for me to endure a 'Twilight' movie without a Rifftrax commentary playing over it.

I like to download torrents of the 'Twilight' movies with the commentaries embedded in them and then compensate Rifftrax with Paypal donations. That way I get the commentary and the movie without having to have the DVD or do the mixing, Rifftrax still gets paid, and I can say "fuck you, you rich crazy Mormon fucknut."
Rifftrax: Twilight Eclipse clips
02/15/12, 17:55

Twilight seems to bring out a level of defensiveness bordering on murderous rage from a lot of its fans. It's really sad to watch so many apologists defend this piece of shit franchise to the point where they might just drive a knife through your skull if you call Jacob a pedophile around them. Unfortunately, my sister is one of those kinds of fans, and she's a grown-ass woman for fuck's sake.
Dad Shoots Daughters Laptop Over Facebook Post (OMG)
02/11/12, 08:28

... And every round that went into that laptop is $ 2000 she's going to be making in tips at the strip club. That way she'll be able to buy the highest grade laptop for her webcam shows. Thanks, daddy!
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City - KCHAT
02/09/12, 12:58

Yes. Womyn with a 'y'. Because three of their initials are M-E-N.
Another crap 90's invention
02/09/12, 08:12

1998 is right when I quit watching Nickelodeon. I'm currently 27, so maybe I was late cutting ties.

This is probably the worst thing I've ever seen that was marketed to children, and I've lived through the era of Bratz.
Another crap 90's invention
02/09/12, 07:39

"Just ram this thing in and out of your mouth while you act like it's getting you off and it will make MUSIC IN YOUR HEAD!" Why, Little Pete? Why?
Ron Paul on honest rape
02/09/12, 07:31

"Honest Rape" - Best band name ever.
What a story, Mark!
02/06/12, 22:07

I haven't actually watched this movie for real, but I've seen pretty much all of it anyway because of the Nostalgia Critic's 30 minute review.

I probably should go ahead and rent the DVD though. The movie is just hilariously bad.
What a story, Mark!
02/06/12, 14:37

Come for the awful story, stay for the blatantly obvious dubbing of the last line.
Wayne's World - Wayne & Shirley
02/06/12, 14:24

I looked all over for dupes before submitting but couldn't find any. I was surprised it wasn't here as well.
The Room - 'Hi, Mark'
02/06/12, 14:21

Beautiful. A line that has to be written out almost entirely with comma splices to capture the delivery:

"I did not hit her, it's not true, it's bullshit, I did not hit her, I did *not.* Oh, hi Mark!"

"No it's not true don't even ask!"
Wayne's World - Wayne & Shirley
02/06/12, 13:41

"Wayne's World" remains timeless even if no one under the age of 25 will get some of its jokes.
What a story, Mark!
02/06/12, 13:24

Hahaha, that's not funny you sick fuck.
GTA: Vice City - VCPR
02/05/12, 21:03

Memories. I remember downloading audio rips of VCPR and KCHAT from Kazaa.
GTA: Vice City - VCPR
02/05/12, 21:00

Oh shit, VCPR. How could I forget?

I love how this starts off with the best segment - the one that has the insane soccer mom, the naked guy, and the evangelist/cult leader.
Christian Video on Pleasuring God w/Your Mouth
01/31/12, 07:27

Or "I Am." Christians for some reason don't get mad when people go around saying "I Am fucked," or "I Am not going to church/gay/getting an abortion/making fun of Christian edutainment.
Christian Video on Pleasuring God w/Your Mouth
01/30/12, 08:23

They're singing about all these ways to please God with their mouths, not realizing that God gets off on a little degradation. He prefers a good hard face-fuck to the standard lollipop blowjob. He discovered this about Himself by watching Sasha Grey videos in His mind.
Christian Video on Pleasuring God w/Your Mouth
01/30/12, 08:14

0:51 - Michael's swearing is so menacing that the little sister is acting she's been chased by a Balrog or something.

1:12 - The dad looks like he's feeling all guilty and depressed about punishing his son. You can tell he's going to burst into tears for going off the deep end with that finger pointing.

1:25 - I wasn't going to make a comment about the obvious video title until the lady started singing a musical number about licking and sucking things.
Rick Santorum hates higher learning
01/28/12, 08:10

Back when I was in college, street preachers were always showing up and standing around on campus to yell at students who passed by. One time I was walking to class and a crazy looking old white guy with a long unkempt beard whom I mistook for homeless at first was standing in the middle of the street. He shoved a religious tract in my face: "Here! Have some fresh bread! It's better than that old STALE bread the professors give you here!"

I took the tract to be polite. Maybe I could jot something down on it later, I figured. As soon as I began walking again, the man got crazier with the next student he encountered. "Those old professors will MASTURBATE your mind!" he bellowed. I stopped and turned around for a moment to watch. A young co-ed passed by the man. "MASTURBATE YOUR MIND!!!" he screamed at her. She hurriedly fled with a disgusted look on her face, like the man was an escaped sexual predator.

I tell you that story so I can point out that Rick Santorum is exactly like that screaming bearded man, except he's clean-cut and wears sweater vests.

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