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Quad9Damage

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Comments
The Virgin Diaries
12/02/11, 15:57

I'll bet the temperature in their hotel room during the honeymoon suddenly spiked 40 degrees and started cooling down again after about five seconds.

And that afterwards they lay there, not looking at each other, wondering why they avoided any amount of physical contact whatsoever for the last 17 years of their lives to please some ancient angry deity, only to have SOMEONE's penis be too sensitive from years and years of sexual repression.
Ferris Bueller The Series
12/02/11, 12:52

"Mr. Broderick, while you do have an impressive resume here, I'm afraid you're just too... whitebread. Yes. Two-dimensional. Perhaps... Tootsie? In any case, we found someone HIP and EXTREME TO THE MAX who will be playing your part. It's 1990, Mr. Broderick. Television is what is real now."

Ferris Bueller The Series
12/02/11, 12:47

I'm not sure if this is a 'prequel' or just a reinterpretation of "Ferris Bueller" that breaks some kind of wall by having the movie exist in its universe. And I don't really know what to say about that song and those lyrics. It's somehow worse than the "Sonic Underground" theme.
Ferris Bueller The Series
12/02/11, 10:51

The ultimate combination of awesome. It's Ferris Bueller! It's a PREQUEL! Instead of stuffy old Matthew Broderick we got a hip 90's guy (but he sounds kinda like him anyway!) Here's his girlfriend - she's not as hot as Mia Sara but she's BLONDE! And we had to drop the "Day Off" because if we kept that in the title every episode would have to be about him cutting school or it wouldn't make sense!
Kohl's Black Friday Commercial
11/25/11, 14:29

Kohl's has now made their official upload of the video private. Problem, Kohl's?
Pat Robertson has an important question about mac & cheese.
11/24/11, 11:37

I don't understand the deal with this Olive Garden place. Is that a French people thing? Also, the Chinese cook really good American food at their buffets. I think they do a better job with jello and apple pie over there in China than Americans do here!
Pat Robertson has an important question about mac & cheese.
11/24/11, 11:30

To answer your question, it's not his ignorance that is the problem. It's his blatant homophobia, sexism and vicious intolerance of anything remotely forbidden in his ancient religious text. Also, people still follow him and believe his bullshit, so he spreads stupidity amongst those who take him seriously.

And every now and then, he'll say something that's not quite as evil but still really stupid, so they include those clips too for laughs.
Kohl's Black Friday Commercial
11/22/11, 08:27

... I didn't notice that. That is fucking awful. I didn't know human greed was such a lighthearted thing they could just stick that in there so casually.
Index of super cute bath salts
11/21/11, 08:02

But wait, THERE'S MORE! Call within the next ten minutes and we'll show you more shots of tits!
Eiken Opening
11/13/11, 19:24

See also: Love Hina
Eiken Opening
11/13/11, 10:15

I think the difference, Cherry, between Eiken and something like Pokemon being broadcast on the radio is that Pokemon might have somewhat of a story to listen to, while Eiken would be akin to a sketch written and performed by morning radio people trying way to too hard to be shocking.
Eiken Opening
11/13/11, 10:03

As the Wikipedia article continues, it makes the series sound worse and worse. Then we get to the angry review excerpt from the end:

"[...] The main thing distinguishing this from other fanservice manga is the complete lack of plot and the revolting artwork, including a sixth-grader with breasts so large they look like giant testicles, and numerous obscene shots of women eating Popsicles, veiny chunks of beef, and the like. Probably intended as a parody of 'normal' shōnen romantic comedy manga, it is still almost unreadable."

This is beginning to sound like a sexual deviant's lucid dream was recorded on paper and then handed to a team of writers to make it eleven times worse.
Eiken Opening
11/13/11, 02:13

From Wikipedia:

"Eiken (エイケン?) is a heavily fanservice-themed manga and anime series created by Seiji Matsuyama. The story depicts the life of schoolboy Densuke Mifune after he is forced into the mysterious Eiken Club, which is populated only by females, several of whom have enormous breasts.

The manga series ran for eighteen volumes, and additionally included a series guidebook. A number of radio drama episodes and two OVAs (the latter roughly based on a volume 3 storyline) have been produced."

So, um, how does a series entirely dependent on teenagers and little girls having giant bouncing tits work as a radio drama, exactly?
'Christian' discipline
11/08/11, 18:04

Seven hours!? SEVEN FUCKING HOURS!?!?!?! Those assholes HAD to have known that would have killed the child. There's no way you can pulverize a child for SEVEN HOURS without planning to kill them.
Rant against Haters
10/31/11, 00:02

He/she's right you know. 'The Opinions and Preferences Protection Act' makes it illegal to insult someone on the Internet for liking something. It also protects basement dwellers from being reminded they are basement dwellers.
Beavis and Butthead - 'Werewovles of Highland'
10/30/11, 23:51

I disagree. I think Jersey Shore is exactly the kind of low-brow, brain-dead horse shit they need to be destroying. I like how they're still commenting on music videos too.
Beavis and Butthead - 'Werewovles of Highland'
10/30/11, 23:48

"Okay son, now there's gonna be some scary monsters, and some creepy people putting their hands on you. But you should be able to handle it because you're like, uh, one and a half."

I found it interesting how both segments ended with them either gravely ill or old and dying.
The Simpsons - Can I Borrow a Feeling?
10/30/11, 23:26

"I already did."

Oblivious Homer. I miss The Simpsons being good.
TV's best worst very special episodes
10/18/11, 08:30

I'm glad most of these shows are light-hearted enough to crack jokes and have the laugh track going during those 'serious' moments.

Dinosaurs - Didn't Robbie already have a Very Special Episode with a magic green plant?

And the appropriate response to knocking up a high school girl (middle school girl? It being Degrassi and all) is always to smash up one's car.
I sleep in a racing car, do you?
10/11/11, 14:41

"Go ahead, laugh at me."

"I already did."

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