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Comments
TLC pulls Duggar family series amid misconduct reports
05/24/15, 13:46

Statistically, it shouldn't be surprising. I mean, think about all of those "1 out of every 5 people is a [INSERT CRIMINAL ACTIVITY HERE]" stats. This should just be the tip of the iceberg, really.
Video Games are Dead
05/23/15, 18:59

People are still nostalgic for the old "The Spot" video game from 7up. And I think the Kool-Aid Man had his own game on the Atari 2600.
Walmart Anti-Union video for employees
05/19/15, 10:56

Haven't you heard about payroll debit cards? They cost less than checks to the employer, and because the low-income scum--I mean, employees, can't afford a bank account with direct deposit, they get these debit cards with their money on them. The bank they get the cards from gets to charge them massive fees just for accessing their money to buy food, gas, or get cash at ATM's, further reducing their actual wages but helping those struggling bankers to keep their third mansions.

http://business.time.com/2013/07/09/nickeled-dimed-and-dollared-to-death-fee-laden-payroll-cards-forced-on-low-wage-workers/
George Zimmerman Suffers Minor Injuries After Being Shot At.
05/12/15, 06:44

"Acquitted" isn't the same thing as "proven innocent," not by a long shot.
Human Centipede 3 trailer
05/11/15, 18:43

A reboot of "Hands Across America?" You'll need a theme song for that.
Keith Olbermann is not going to say 'I told You So'
05/06/15, 15:23

For some reason rich people like it. Maybe because it's easy to bet on since you've only got two dudes involved? Anyway, there's a photo of all the private jets that showed up near Vegas for the fight, and it's quite impressive.

Maybe it's "popular" among the rich because only the rich can really afford to be in attendance anymore? Boxing may be the American version of Polo.
Black Mesa: Steam launch trailer
05/06/15, 15:21

Actually, no, I don't remember any scene with a blue shipping crate and respawning enemies in HL or HL2. I think you're remembering a different game.

And if you want "do it again stupid" gameplay, look no further than the GTA series, especially the mission in GTA IV where you have to take down someone on a motorcycle while you're riding a motorcycle. That'll give your directional challenge a run for its money while also punishing you by depleting your resources every time you die and the mission resets.
Black Mesa: Steam launch trailer
05/06/15, 15:16

It's nice to see that Evil Homer has changed from "Minecraft was never finished and doesn't update" to "Minecraft updates too slowly."

Are you getting your video game opinions from Google now instead of just pulling them out of the air, EH?
Mad Max - Gameplay Overview Trailer | PS4
04/30/15, 11:50

EH, given some of your other misguided rants about video games, I do feel compelled to call out the classification of Borderlands as "good" as further evidence you might be in need of medical attention.
Ukraine: On a drone mission in Donetsk - BBC News
04/26/15, 03:47

You've submitted BBC reporting as "evidence" of your pro-Putin conspiracy theories before, Sol. Is that an even-date-odd-date thing for you, or is the Beeb in some kind of Truth-Vs-Ukraine war in your head?
Fantastic Four trailer (2015)
04/26/15, 03:44

"It makes money."

Technically, no major studio film ever looses money in the long run. People will eventually rent/stream ANYTHING. Of course, if you look at the balance sheet of even a Harry Potter movie, they "lose money," thanks to Hollywood accounting.

But this is more about rights than anything else, because who cares about the Fantastic Four? They haven't been relevant even to comic book fans for years before the two previous schlock-fests were released.

Also, you can see what the Thing's butt looks like if you pause it around 1:43, if that...

...wait for it...

...gets your rocks off.
Fantastic Four trailer (2015)
04/25/15, 20:56

You do realize that most of these reboots and retellings of comic book character stories is just to keep the rights, don't you?

Fox doesn't give a shit about the FF beyond riding the coattails of actually good Marvel movies because some people still think they're all made by one company, and possibly extorting Marvel/Disney a huge sum to buy the rights back.

It's the same for the X-Men and Spider-Man. The studio just wants a movie to keep their claim to the rights alive, nothing more. If it's actually entertaining for someone, it's by accident.
slam dunk contest cartoon
04/22/15, 02:00

"...made on ms paint using windows movie maker."

Holy crap. He must've drawn (and copy-pasted background elements) every cel of animation.

That's a lot of dedication and belief that what he was doing didn't suck.
You can live in South Dakota.
04/22/15, 01:58

This must've been made before gas prices fell. A lot people in the oil & gas industry are getting laid off at the moment.
Batman v. Superman: Darkness, No Parents
04/19/15, 12:35

I'll admit I've liked the Constantine TV show he's written (so far), but yeah, he's got way too many stinkers under his belt.

I'm guessing they won't put "Written by the screenwriter for Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD, the one from 1998 starring David Hasselhoff" on the posters.
Batman v. Superman: Darkness, No Parents
04/19/15, 12:32

EH, tell me who issues a warrant for Darkseid? Does the Justice League sit on their hands while alien spaceships destroy L.A. until they get a go-ahead from the governor?

I'm not sure which adventures of Superman you're reading, but the ones they ought to be basing the films off of don't have him going after thugs or doing a hell of a lot of detective work. The stories they need to be doing is him going up against Brainiac or Doomsday.

Unless you're going off of comics from the 1960's and before, having Supes spend his time fighting gangsters is not only boring, it's also a waste of resources. The guy who can punch a hole through an asteroid should be given similar physical challenges, not stopping people who use tommy guns to rob banks.

As to your bit about being in imminent danger, go look up what "depraved indifference" means. I'll wait.
Batman v. Superman: Darkness, No Parents
04/19/15, 12:03

@Infinite Zest: Go watch the episode of Justice League Unlimited called "Ultimatum." I think you'll be pleased.
Batman v. Superman: Darkness, No Parents
04/19/15, 11:49

Actually, you're missing the point of how super heroes work. They are not police, they are vigilantes. The idea is they right wrongs and stop villains that the law can't handle. Very often, Superman fights bad guys just to keep them from starting shit, not so they can go to jail. There's no "chain of evidence" when you're not a legally deputized arm of the state's law enforcement. If the law does get involved, it's only after the fact, when the villain's plot or threat has been taken care of, and it's often for evidence gleaned apart from the super hero interceding.

Now, as far as Cena's comments:

"Batman's parents weren't murdered by inside traders or tax evaders."

They weren't murdered by a steroid-infused luchador, Darkseid, or a man in a space suit wielding a freeze-ray, either. He still managed to fight those guys and others on occasion, yet he never went after the crime in his own peer group. Again, fuck Batman.

"Superman on his own wasn't working out..."

Gee, why could that be? Let's see, "Superman Returns" was basically a remake of the first Donner movie, but in that one Superman was a roofie rapist and a deadbeat dad, Lex Luthor was a real estate scam artist and not a corporate super genius, and every problem was solved by Superman lifting something. It was an awful movie.

Then there's "Man of Steel." Pa Kent is okay with letting people die to "protect" Clark, Superman can't seem to figure out that punching Zod away from Metropolis might cut down on the body count, and without any build-up or even a nod to the character's historical code of not killing anyone with his powers, they have Superman snap Zod's neck. Again, it was an awful movie.

No superhero can really go it alone now, because they look even more ridiculous when they do. They need a larger world to flesh out their stories and make them seem a little more plausible. Marvel has learned this, but DC is trying to achieve this without planning for it. They really needed to reboot Batman AND Superman, this time making movies that were BY DESIGN supposed to introduce a larger DCU. Instead, we're going to get fightin' films that are defended the same way the Star Wars prequels are: "It had cool effects!"
Batman v. Superman: Darkness, No Parents
04/19/15, 09:57

EH, you just described Batman. Batman is a conservative's wet dream: Fight street-level crime while ignoring the mega-fraud going on in our legal system which, as a billionaire as well as being Batman, he could do something about. Does he? Nope. He goes after the low-hanging fruit that people want kept out of their gated communities. Fuck Batman.
Batman v. Superman: Darkness, No Parents
04/19/15, 09:53

I see DC's problem as being the marketing department.

Their TV shows work because the suits back at DC and Time-Warner don't seem to meddle with those very much (apart from certain restrictions on Smallville not having Superman in his actual uniform). Again, the animated shows from Dini/Timm are fantastic and manage to make the heroes interesting as well as the villains. Kevin Conroy was a great Batman and actually had some personality. It only got better as the cast of the show(s) grew, especially in Batman Beyond where he and Terry McGinnis would verbally spar in most conversations.

But when it comes to the movies, I think they're afraid to try ANYTHING, even the stuff that's been shown to be popular in the comic books themselves. Even in the comics, the best stories are the ones that used to be called "Elseworlds" where writers can go nuts with the characters since it's an alternate universe, allowing them to mix it up a little.

Ironically, Marvel has had to step up its game and get more creative thanks to the X-Men and Spider-Man rights being tied up with other studios, and after all is said and done, I think I like the Marvel U without mutants and the baggage they bring along. I get that they became a metaphor for oppressed groups (be it gays, nerds, or whatever), but that kind of falls apart when your oppressed group can kill you with its eyeballs or read the minds of everyone on the planet.

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