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Comments
Bar Scene from Heavy Metal
01/08/14, 07:20

Having a silent protagonist was a better choice than they made for Heavy Metal 2000. The woman they cast there had an IMDB profile full of soft-core porn, which isn't exactly a good prep for decent voice acting.
Bar Scene from Heavy Metal
01/07/14, 20:34

I figured that must be the world's sharpest sword, since you can slice through some dude's neck while giving your arm all the speed you'd use to direct a garden hose.
Struts!
01/07/14, 14:51

These had to be recalled after numerous incidences of shattered legs that were blamed on massive inbreeding coupled with putting equines in high heels.
Satanists Propose 7 ft Statue of Satan in Oklahoma
01/07/14, 08:30

I'm kind of amazed the Ten Commandments statue got an all-seeing eye on there without causing a shitstorm of "Illuminati!" and "NWO!" people demanding its removal.
A demo of black isle's failed fallout 3 game
01/07/14, 07:34

Blue, that was it. It was an actual kit. I don't mind that they made a different version of the GECK for FO3 that was basically a Genesis Device that kills whoever activates it (it could be darkly humorous if that was a requirement, as their DNA is used as a template or something). The problem was they gave you a Genesis Device and then railroaded you into not doing anything remotely intelligent with it.
A demo of black isle's failed fallout 3 game
01/07/14, 07:27

Stanley, I have to call you out on saying FO3's ending wasn't linear.

Can you side with the Enclave? No. Oh, sure, you can nuke the Citadel, but only after you've gone on a GECK fetch for the BoS, been captured and taken to Raven Rock, walked behind a giant robot, and reactivated the water filter. You literally cannot do anything else and advance the plot. You can't even do any of those things to help/hinder another faction. Put FEV in the water? Congrats, you can't drink it and some ghouls die off. Other than that, you had no impact.

Can you not activate the water purifier? No.

Can you advance the plot without rescuing/dealing with your dad? No.

Apart from some dialog options, is there any difference at all in how the plot progresses based on your actions? No.

About the only real choice you get is whether or not to nuke Megaton, which is a dumb thing to do, economically, and the reason behind it makes no sense.

At least with FNV, you can pick which faction takes the prize, blow up the dam, and affect the futures of several NPCs and settlements. That's one thing FO3 really got wrong was how the ending was presented: It listed off your actions as they pertained to you (whether or not you were evil, mostly) without telling you how you impacted the future of the wasteland, like F1 and F2 did. FO3 is a fun game, but its main plot IS linear and awfully written. It's the post-apoc version of the main quest in The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. You have more fun if you just ignore it and dick around in the larger world.
Michael Bay walks off CES stage after teleprompter freezes up
01/07/14, 01:03

"CES was rocked today by a series of wildly destructive yet entertaining explosions. No casualties were reported as everyone was able to run or walk away from the blasts in slow-motion."
Frank the Hippie Pope
01/06/14, 18:16

To be fair, there wasn't anything except the Catholic Church to make jokes about (Jesus-wise) until about 500 years ago.

Also, this shows that the only Lutheran capable of making good jokes about Catholics is Garrison Keillor.
The last thing you want to hear as a turbine mechanic...
01/06/14, 14:17

I remember them failing on a lot of cars in the 90's.
This Is The Power of God!
01/06/14, 12:06

I'd love to see that. Go into a Hobby Lobby or a Christian bookstore and run up to the manager: "Jesus needs all the cash in the register, quick! Hurry and empty the till or Satan will win!"
This Is The Power of God!
01/06/14, 12:05

Don't do it in the first place would probably be my best advice.

I know most of this stuff from a buddy that used to work the graveyard weekend shift at a Kinko's in a really bad neighborhood. He was the only one who had to be informed by a patron what a burst of gunfire outside sounded like and that the proper response was to join everyone else on the floor. While it was probably stupid of him (since company policy is usually to cooperate with criminals and let the cops use the camera footage to arrest them later), he was "held up at gunpoint" and refused, so the dude left. As he was going, he saw the guy just had a metal pipe in his jacket pocket to simulate a gun barrel (thereby dodging the murder charges if caught).
This Is The Power of God!
01/06/14, 11:23

It's probably not loaded. Taking a loaded weapon to a crime is usually treated as an automatic attempted murder charge, no?
Girl Boy Bakla Tomboy
01/06/14, 11:22

English does a number on itself, most days. I think the quote went something like "English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them out, and rifles through their pockets."

George Carlin had a routine where he always found it interesting to hear English words popping up in Puerto Rican, and I've heard a number of Japanese movies where English syllables/words (like "cyber" or "quantum") will make an appearance.

I'd never heard it where whole sentences switch to a new language, unless they were a catch phrase or what have you. Is it common for one's brother to be a criminal and for said astonishment to be best expressed in English?
PAUL WALKER
01/06/14, 10:56

If nothing else, this proves that it's not just white people who can make awkward hand gestures when attempting to "dance" to a beat.
Frank the Hippie Pope
01/06/14, 10:54

Yeah, I'm hoping for a kind of "nothing makes a saint better than being a former sinner" kind of thing going on, but given the secrecy and money-hoarding the church has done for centuries, it'd take a LOT of Popes like Francis to make me think some actual reform was going on.

Still, him pissing off the founder of Home Depot for being too mean to the 1% was worth it.
Frank the Hippie Pope
01/06/14, 10:51

They start trying to claim the "eye of the needle" refers to an actual gate into a city that was very narrow, because of COURSE Jesus wants the rich to stay that way because "prosperity gospel" sounds a lot better than "Divine Right of Kings," doesn't it?
Excerpt from 'Taken by the T-Rex'
01/05/14, 23:00

Well of course a T-Rex would fuck a human female. Without longer arms, it's not like he can jerk off a whole lot, so he takes whatever he can get.
There's a correlation between Asperger's and Ragtime piano, I swear.
01/05/14, 18:48

ANY piano piece would sound different if the player wasn't so experienced with the pedals.

Protip: Flute music sounds really different when played by asthmatics.
The fetish community strikes again - Skyrim TBL Mod
01/05/14, 13:10

TBL? Titanic Boobs and Legs? Tit Bouncing Lard? I'm not sure I get it.

I will say after perusing the mod lists for the Elder Scrolls (and to a lesser degree, the Fallout games), Bethesda owes a large amount of its financial well-being to the user base being able to turn many of their games into sex simulators.
Thief and the Cobbler - Workprint
01/05/14, 09:03

It's had a loooooong, bumpy history:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thief_and_the_Cobbler

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