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Comments
Two atrocious creatures from The Escapist discuss the relative merits of Breaking Bad and Dexter
02/27/14, 12:19

What really bugs me about the show's progression? They totally whitewashed Dexter's character. I had totally forgotten about it, but I rewatched the first two episodes and he used to horribly torture his victims, cutting them up alive! You were on edge because he was a frightening character. A true serial killer who killed because he had a compulsion to, kept in check only by his father's code giving him proper outlets. His message to every serial killer victim was, "I understand you, but I need to kill and you're it." The entire show was all about a frightening character with no emotion outside of murder keeping up his facade around his coworkers. The only reason for other characters to exist was for Dexter to react to them.

But then the cat lady viewers who writer love letters to serial killers took over, wanting to live vicariously through Rita and "change" Dexter into their ideal man. Suddenly Dexter cleanly dispatched his victims with a single stab to the heart, all dismembering taking place entirely off camera. He stopped being a serial killer and became a run of the mill vigilante. In the first season he picked his targets based on cold case records. In every subsequent season, he chose his targets based on the pleading puppy dog eyes of their victims' family members.

Suddenly he had FEELINGS and every other character got their own subplots involving their FEELINGS (even fucking Masuka!). Harry wasn't needed for the story to explain Dexter's origin anymore, but the actor had a contract so they started including him as Ghost Dad and now the whole show is just a lame procedural cop drama meets vigilante Wonder Years mess.
Two atrocious creatures from The Escapist discuss the relative merits of Breaking Bad and Dexter
02/27/14, 12:02

I liked the first two seasons of Dexter, and now I'm determined to watch it all the way through because I need to see how low the rabbit hole goes.

Season 3: low point
Season 4: Moderately better thanks to Jon Lithgow
Season 5: Should have gone back to awesome thanks to no more Rita, but not only do they immediately throw in a substitute for her (negating the whole point of getting rid of her), but it's a repeat of the whole BFF angle from season 3: the single worst part about the worst season.
Ten metal subgenres in three minutes
02/03/14, 16:13

Well what do you know, Frog's Theme from Chrono Trigger was really Folk Metal.
Jamie Casino 2 Minute Super Bowl Commercial - Casino's Law
02/03/14, 15:11

BACKROOM

Crooked cop: "So we have a deal?"

Crime boss: "Who's to say your boys found a hundred grand at the next bust and not two?"

Bottles clink. The crime takes a cigar puff before his swig of whiskey. Suddenly a sledgehammer flies out of the darkness, shattering the whiskey bottle, driving the neck down the boss' throat before the cigar ignites his head into an inferno.

The hammer shatters the legs out from the other man's chair, sending him to the floor. The flaming sledgehammer presses against his neck, sizzling flesh.

Crooked cop: "Who are you? You want money? I've got money!"

The hammer swings up.

Jamie Casino: "Let's call this one pro bono."

*SQUASH*

KINGPIN'S LOFT

Kingpin: "I want him gone! I want his license revoked! I want him disbarred! I want him DEAD!"

STREETS

Jamie law guns down goons with his shotgun, runs out of ammo, ducks behind a corner.

The goons round the corner to face Jamie manning a mounted M60. He opens up, belts of ammo being fed in from his designer briefcases full of bullets and papers. Slow motion white briefs fly around the carnage. The goons are falling, half from the bullets, half from slipping on the blood and gore of the bodies.


CASINO'S LAW

Don't gamble with justice.
Jamie Casino 2 Minute Super Bowl Commercial - Casino's Law
02/03/14, 14:41

In a world, ruled by crime and corruption, where innocence is sold and the law is another commodity to be bought, justice takes a backseat to profit.

This summer, attorney Jamie Casino is calling shotgun.

*cha chunk*
Lawnmower Man (whole movie)
01/31/14, 13:09

This, Hackers, Cool as Ice.

Never a more 90s trilogy ever made.
Mad Men - Carousel Scene
01/31/14, 12:56

Is that Pan Am show still on? Looked like they were going for Mad Men on planes.

I imagine that, somewhere in the pilot episode, one character remarks on how huge these new jet airliners are. "It's almost as big as a computer!"
Mad Men - Carousel Scene
01/31/14, 12:53

Not only is it boring, it just annoys me how lazy the appeal is.

Archaisms! What's this nonsense about cigarettes being unhealthy? As a smoking doctor, I can tell you they're much more safe than this "pill". At least the negros still know their place as they serve me my hourly drink. Wow look at all these high tech electric typewriters and state of the art switchboard! Hey, did you know we actually have a Jew working in the mail room? MY STETSON/FEDORA FASHION STATEMENT: VALIDATED, MOTHERFUCKER!

Advertising! The single laziest career for a character when you want to appeal to boring people who consider themselves creative. Lounge around for weeks in a posh office and all you'll ever have to do is come up with a last second slogan for three minute meetings. If the client is a rich hot heiress, you'll get to bang her after.

Meanwhile, back to Betty being sad...
Super Mario Bros. 3 Commercial
01/07/14, 09:01

In terms of blind devotion, late 80s early 90s Nintendo was the closest thing America had to the Hitler Youth. Instead of astronauts, every kid dreamed of becoming a Nintendo game counselor which was really just a shitty minimum wage call center job.

If Nintendo Power had offered a free NES game to any kid who murdered their entire family, they would have done it.
Dark Souls modded to remove limits on enemy aggro range
01/07/14, 08:06

Dark Souls 2 is probably the first game I'm going to buy at launch in god knows how long. Get in while the multiplayer is alive and before all the catasses take over.

Dark Souls multiplayer was fun the 2% of the time you could actually get an invasion. Few online experiences can compare to trolling people with the dragon great bow.
Coin
01/03/14, 01:16

I couldn't get into the Scott Pilgrim game either. It's really hard to describe but it felt like it lacked some sort of omph to it.
MARS NEEDS MOMS 'No Broccoli' Clip
01/01/14, 18:22

Bloom County was the most brilliant newsprint comic strip of all time.

Holy shit though did Brethed's work exponentially get crappier with each comeback. It seems like his work got worse and worse the more he made it about parenthood.
American Horror Story - Name game song
12/31/13, 22:26

Yeah pretty much. I tried the very first episode but it was so ridiculous I couldn't tell if it was a parody or not. It almost seemed like a Scary Movie with all the pop culture references taken out.

Not sure which part was more ridiculous: expecting us to be scared by a haunted gimp suit, or the idea of a 62 year old Jessica Lange playing the mother to a teenager, married to a man half her age, and being upset that them trying to have another kid hadn't been working out.
Batman reprimands unruly citizen, discusses encounter with equable Spidermen
12/22/13, 21:09

Wasn't there another video of a Batman by the Chinese theater getting into a scuffle where he had to be calmed down by a Spiderman? The one where one woman bystander goes, "The police are on their way, Batman!"

Are these the same guys, or does the good cop bad cop dynamic just run with every Batman/Spiderman duo?
Attack on GabeN
12/22/13, 21:04

Probably the feeling of having wasted money on games you'll never get around to playing, scooping them up like crazy just because they're on sale.
Seattle man tackles an armed robber to protect his iPhone.
12/21/13, 11:57

Was the gun even loaded? Or did the guy just choose not to shoot?
The Adventures of Edward The Less
12/21/13, 11:40

Was Bonnie Hammer the one responsible for the SyFy rebrand?
Battle Masters - Board James - Cinemassacre.com
12/21/13, 11:35

Every video reviewer who gets famous is obligated to bring along their less talented and funny friends into the act.
The Final Season of Dexter In Under A Minute
12/18/13, 17:57

The Killing was interesting in that it seemed like an experiment to remake Twin Peaks as a serious drama. The cover art is almost the same and so is the tagline, the location, the cause of death, the scene where the parents find out, the mayoral candidate and his assistant being serious versions of Ben & Jerry Horne, and discovering that the dead girl might have been WORKING AS AN ESCORT AT A CASINO ACROSS THE LAKE.

That last one is so specific it's pretty much outright admitting the influence.
The Final Season of Dexter In Under A Minute
12/18/13, 16:16

I recently started watching this and just hit the beginning of season 3....ouch.

What is it with good shows turning crap at season 3? Dexter, Homeland, The Killing.

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