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Xenocide

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Comments
pastor comes out of the closet mid-sermon
11/01/10, 11:59

If he were born on the moon, would he be moon-gay or the regular kind? Answer me, dammit!

Seriously, though, it's amazing how much of a gut-punch it is to some people when that group they've hated their whole lives turns up on their doorstep with an actual human face, particularly if it's the face of someone they know and respect. You'd think the fact that gays are human beings and not just a faceless demonic cock-shaped menace would be pretty obvious, but it's easy to forget how incredibly insular some people's worldviews are.
pastor comes out of the closet mid-sermon
11/01/10, 11:55

Yeah, but he's religious, so let's automatically dismiss it and diminish him. Ha, ha, look at that guy! He believes in a thing!
Boy with Asperger's Interviews his Mother
10/31/10, 18:07

It's become so trendy to take kids' social quirks and turn them into "disorders." I'm sure the people coming up with these terms mean well (mostly) but do we really need to tell kids there's something wrong with them because they have different priorities than we'd like them to?

There are children with real, serious mental issues out there, but we're cheapening their plight when we try to affix the mental disorder label to any kid who doesn't feel like playing in the sandbox. We used to call kids like that nerds or loners, which isn't great but certainly a step up from telling them "the reason you're shy around the other children is because you've got BRAIN PROBLEMS," and then jamming their gullets full of pills.
Top Gear - Usa Roadtrip - Alabama
10/31/10, 14:45

(left side0 COMMIE ATHEIST ABORTION DOCTORS FOR OBAMA

(right side) ALLAH HAS BLESSED US WITH BIGGER COCKS THAN YOU

(on the bumper) GAY MARRY US AND WE'LL PROVE IT
Rally to Restore Sanity - Jon Stewart's Speech
10/31/10, 03:27

I wish I could have gone, but watching it on TV with a dozen friends wasn't bad at all. There was a standing ovation for this speech.
Governor Butch Otter Resumes His Chemical Assault on the People of Idaho
10/29/10, 18:36

Oh, son of a bitch, will you look at this shit? It's a BEAUTIFUL DAY outside. There are PRETTY CLOUDS out here. Clouds which were blackmailed into being here today by our governor, who is A TALKING OTTER. Now the clouds will STEAL ALL YOUR SPERM. No more gene pool. BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID.
So you want to go to Law School
10/29/10, 16:55

Who was I even talking to with that message.

The children, that's who. Wu Tang is for the children.
So you want to go to Law School
10/29/10, 16:54

The "don't pursue your dreams" advice only really applies if you're the sort of person who can't deal with failure. Ask yourself: how quickly do I bounce back emotionally from a major fuck-up? What do I focus on when I make a mistake? If you're resilient enough that you can handle -and even value- failure, then go for it. If you're prone to beating yourself up when you fail, then maybe you should think again.

But (and I'm not old enough to have experienced this myself but I know some old guys who give great advice) be aware that not having pursued a dream at all is in itself a type of failure. It's much more subtle; it doesn't punch you in the gut and leave you a wreck like the more immediate kind. It creeps up on you over the course of years: at first a nagging, transient feeling that crops up from time to time, finally taking full form, in your later years, as a tiny voice in the back of your head chanting "Maybe you could have achieved that. Maybe you would have failed. But now you'll die without ever knowing how far you could have gone."

Some people think that's worse. Others can live with it, but not with trying and failing. All you can do is decide which one will hurt you less. That last sentence applies well to 95% of life.

Of course, you could also try and succeed. But don't assume that. Just treat it like a pleasant surprise.
The man who saved the world
10/28/10, 21:29

Save the world, get fired.
WWE NXT: Michael McGillicutty forgets how to form a sentence
10/28/10, 21:17

What momentous occasion!
Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Carlton Learns about Racism
10/28/10, 21:13

Suddenly I crave some double-stuffed Oreos.
MTV Sex in the 90s follows some guidos around in their rapemobile
10/28/10, 21:10

CHIMPANZEE AND APE FOOTAGE COURTESY OF THE SAN DIEGO ZOO
So you want to get a PhD in the Humanities?
10/28/10, 12:47

Cat Mech speaks wisdom. I spent a semester abroad at a German university during college, so I thought I'd call them up now that I'm freshly graduated and ask about higher degree opportunities for filthy yankee scumbags like myself. The guy I spoke to had a pretty strong accent, so when he told me how much it would cost, I figured he had forgotten that in English we can put increments like "ten" and "one hundred" in front of the word "thousand."

Then the PDF with the actual price estimates showed up and I literally jizzed myself. Not literally.

Anyway, goodbye forever, moving to Europe where education still makes fucking sense. They like brown people there, right?
Mentos Commercial From the '90s
10/28/10, 00:22

"Bill? I'm going to have to call you back, I'm being carjacked by some Norwegian-looking prick and...oh, wait, he's got Mentos. Never mind, he's just up to good-natured youthful hijinks, the kind only fresh breath can inspire. So anyway, Bill, it'll be 500 thousand for your wife, and an extra 20 grand if you want it to look like an accident. Okay, I'll torch the place for free, but only because we're both Sigma Chis."
Family Matters - 'Fight the Good Fight' - Racist Scene
10/27/10, 17:57

Meanwhile, Paul Reggin, Laura's dyslexic secret crush, slapped his forehead and mumbled "not again!"
SNL - Norm MacDonald doing what he does best
10/27/10, 17:46

Norm can make goddamn near anything funny.
Best moment in FFVI
10/27/10, 17:33

If ever there was a video game moment made to go with Yakity Sax, it's this one.
Clint Howard on the Obama Tax Hikes
10/27/10, 11:23

I guess I'd be bitter too if my entire life peaked at the age of eight.

Clint probably doesn't even realize that the only moment of true glory he's enjoyed in the past quarter century was when 21 and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch quoted him the other week.

Wikipedia bonus fact: "He is also known for his activity in the game World of Warcraft. Howard plays the game under the name Extas of the guild "Thrust" on the Dark Iron realm."
I Am The Very Model Of A Wrimo Individual
10/26/10, 20:53

I guess because you can plug whatever sad obsession or horrifying fetish you have in there in place of "modern major general" and go to town.

I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A GUY WHO FAPS TO SPIDER-MAN SPECIFICALLY THE EPISODE IN WHICH HE RIDES AN ELEPHANT YES SPIDEY ON AN ELEPHANT CAN ALWAYS MAKE ME BLOW MY WAD
I DON'T KNOW WHY MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME AND MOVED BACK HOME TO CAPE COD
Swedish coffee ad from the '90s
10/26/10, 20:45

HA HA HA HA! We ordered three different things! At a restaurant! Oh, but we are irrepressible cards! That guy's probably in the back killing himself right now! No way is he gonna come back out here really fast with all our coff--WHAAAAAAAA?

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