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Xenocide

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Comments
Gordon Ramsay tells chef he can't cook.
11/07/10, 15:48

I usually don't like Kitchen Nightmares because I think Gordon is too hard on the people he's working with.

In this episode, he was as harsh as he's ever been, and it still seemed like it wasn't enough. Good lord, that restaurant is a mess.
EMOTION Logo (Modern version)
11/07/10, 11:19

Proof that nature is a pathetic substitute for glam space tunnels.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Japanese Outro
11/06/10, 21:19

Changes to the Japanese version:

-The part of Splinter will now be played by a little boy who thinks he's a Turtle. He will probably get kidnapped a lot.

-April is now a waitress or something.

-Whenever there's a song, Leatherhead will just show up for no reason. Under no circumstances may he do anything that would justify or explain his presence.

-Vikings everywhere. Shredder? He's a viking now. Irma? She's a viking now. New York City? Now a really fat viking.

-The turtles are always incredibly fucking happy about everything. It's going to be a little unsettling when we get around to dubbing the episode about April's miscarriage.
Farting on bus gets kid detention
11/06/10, 21:18

AMAZING FART TALES FROM XENOCIDE'S YOUTH

VOLUME 38

In middle school a fart nearly got one of my teachers fired.

One day for whatever reason, a male classmate let out a truly stupendous fart which was met with great approval. The teacher just told us to settle down.

A day or two later a female student let out a fart of her own, of significantly inferior quality to its antecedent. The teacher sent her to the principal's office. When the girl protested and pointed out that a prior fart had not been met with such admonishment, the teacher, who was in her 70's, replied that farting "is not ladylike."

Well, that was a bad idea, and several angry phone calls from parents leader, the teacher got in trouble with the administration for her sexist ruling, and had to apologize to the girl.

And that's how my classmate broke through the ass ceiling.
Bill Maher on The Rally to Restore Sanity
11/06/10, 20:59

Bill keeps going on about how the left has fewer crazies, and in doing so he's missing the point. Stewart's argument is simply this: it doesn't matter which side has more insane people, because both sides have a HUGE surplus of sane people who are getting drowned out. The point of the rally was to give those people a chance to be counted.

I don't see why Maher seems to think that the (impossible to prove) argument that the left has more sane people is worth anything. Politics isn't a sport where you win based on how many non-crazies are on your team. If the only people who get to be part of the national discourse are the ones on the fringes, then we all lose. And Maher, by stepping right back into the swamp of "my side is immaculate, your side is insane," has proven himself to be part of the problem.

Besides, this is a guy who believes people shouldn't get flu shots because THE GOVERNMENT. He's not in a position to call anyone crazy.
Bill Maher on The Rally to Restore Sanity
11/06/10, 20:54

This was always the weak point of Stewart's message: that people would be so locked into their "Us vs Them" mentality that they would be downright offended at the idea that we should ever even try to treat the other side with any measure of civility. As soon as Stewart floated the idea that "hey, maybe you can be a liberal but not think conservatives are all book-burning racist cavemen," he was inviting a huge amount of anger from people who make their living perpetuating the myth that believing in something means hating the people who disagree with you.

Of course Olbermann, Maher, Beck and Hannity were going to get pissy about it. That's their bread and butter he's fucking with.
Possible Terrorist Attack on Nov. 6th 2010
11/06/10, 20:07

They never should have made The Riddler their minister of propaganda.
Bill Maher on The Rally to Restore Sanity
11/06/10, 19:59

This is what Bill Maher actually believes.
Surprise kids, we're going to Disney World!
11/06/10, 16:42

That's how surprises work, Mike. You can either ask someone if they'd like something, or you can surprise them with it. You can't do both because people have memories.

This lady's mistake was that she went about it in a profoundly stupid and obviously rehearsed way, basically trying way too hard to recreate a commercial.
Surprise kids, we're going to Disney World!
11/06/10, 16:06

Yeah, he looks like he's at that age where he feels he has to make a conscious effort not to enjoy anything.
Surprise kids, we're going to Disney World!
11/06/10, 16:03

What kind of asshole tries to surprise people they love with something nice.

WHO DOES THAT.
WINNING SLOT SECRETS
11/05/10, 20:40

Key tips from the master of making videos:

1) Talking about Big Gulps is a great way to fill time.

2) Getting your charisma-free wife to talk to the camera also fills time.

3) Do not let anyone know that you actually have no influence on the laws of probability. You want to preserve your mystique.

4) Also, don't mention how you spent your entire lifetime slot machine winnings on the aforementioned Big Gulp.

5) Do not tell your wife that there is no such thing as a "slot tournament."
WINNING SLOT SECRETS
11/05/10, 20:37

So dollar machines take....dollars?

DUDE SLOW DOWN.
Documentary on Japan's Suicide Forest
11/05/10, 17:37

In Soviet Japan, alternative history novel writes YOU!
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Commercial
11/05/10, 17:26

I doubt future generations will get much mileage out of it. Each generation in living memory has lived more publicly than the previous one. Kids born in this decade are going to make us look like freaking hermits. They'll be broadcasting all their most shameful disgraces, stupidest orgasms and most glamorous poops, and they'll be streamed live on the moon-nets an hour before they happen.

Facebook and Youtube will be considered quaint old-people diversions, like bingo and colonoscopies.
An attack on the Victory Gundam
11/05/10, 15:28

It's okay! It's all a dream! No it isn't! Oh, wait, I just killed someone. Which means it is! So long, moral conflict!
An attack on the Victory Gundam
11/05/10, 15:27

Ladies! Only you can defeat the white guy! His socially-ingrained racial advantages are no match for your silky space thighs!

Hey, Shaneequa, hang back for a moment, I don't think we'll be needing you for this one.
The Avengers trailer (1952)
11/05/10, 14:39

Incredible.
Spectacular.
Fantastic.
Perhaps even a little uncanny.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Commercial
11/05/10, 14:31

This was created by 20 people in a room nodding their heads at a Powerpoint about demographics.
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Commercial
11/05/10, 14:29

Yeah maybe, but we're going to really have to buckle down if we hope to be half as big a disappointment as the Boomers.

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