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Xenocide

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Comments
'Edarem's sentencing did not go well.'
01/09/10, 22:35

Someone out there wasn't praying hard enough.

He knows who he is, and he knows what he did. And he'll pay.
Baby Talk-Intro
01/09/10, 16:44

Wikipedia reports that George Clooney was on this show during its first season, but then they fired him.

When he dies, the headline will read "GEORGE CLOONEY: NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR BABY TALK." Next to it they'll run a still from Batman and Robin to justify this assessment.
Glenn Beck is a Raving Freakazoid Nut Sandwich
01/09/10, 04:27

A sandwich with just nuts in it? That sounds terrible.

I remember a time....a simpler time....when America's sandwiches had meat and cheese in them. Back then we didn't need the government to provide us with sandwiches or advise us on nut safety. If we wanted a sandwich, we made it ourselves.

And raving was all about self-reliant, hard-working Americans, waving their arms around to techno music while bombed out of their minds on Ecstasy, and then getting STD's. That was a noble time, before government raves ruined everything.

And Freakazoid. Wasn't that cartoon great? Before....(wipes away an imaginary tear)....before Obama personally canceled it and used the animators' paychecks to give terrorists fair trials? Maybe....(forced sob) maybe it's too late to save that America. Or maybe it's time we took our country back from the communist Freakazoid haters who insist that climate change is real and that Goof Troop was a better cartoon.

I'm sorry but I just love sandwiches, raves and Warner Brothers so much! And I...FEAR FOR THEM. (explodes into a cacophony of fake weeping)
Drunk school bus driver
01/09/10, 02:58

As a kid, I asked for a Sega Saturn for Christmas.
Drunk school bus driver
01/09/10, 02:53

She really showed some leadership skills there.

In fact, if this bus lady had been smart, she would have jumped up once things got out of hand and said "Congratulations! You have all passed the school's secret crisis management scenario course! Gold stars all around!"

Unfortunately, she'd have forgotten to stop the bus while making this speech, and the whole thing ends like a Toonces the Driving Cat sketch.
The Simpsons - I Am Evil Homer
01/09/10, 02:43

She could in the past, though it required a bit more effort on the part of the writers ("It's okay, that isn't your fault, it's a bird thing. You don't control the birds. You will someday, but not now.") But now all her scenes suck. Which is also true of everyone else, of course.
Kate's Party
01/08/10, 20:16

The second Hygenie walks into a room, the music stops. And so does the fun. Forever.

Now keep quiet while she shames you about your skateboard and makes the nerdy kid cry.
The Simpsons - I Am Evil Homer
01/08/10, 20:02

Lisa's bewilderment at being the only sane person in her town is this show's most overlooked comedy resource. Her blank stares and general exasperation make everyone else several times funnier.
The Simpsons - I Am Evil Homer
01/08/10, 20:00

This is the clip I will play for the aliens when they get here and ask me to justify the existence of my species.

The Sopranos: Livia's Wake
01/08/10, 16:58

3:08: Wha? Oh, hey, there's a secret old lady hidden behind us!

(secret doorway chime from Zelda plays)
The Simpsons - Me So Solly
01/08/10, 14:44

Oh hey, it's Jay Leno.

Now cut Krusty out and leave just the audience shots, and you have the reaction to Jay's prime-time show.
Shakespearean Who's On First
01/08/10, 05:15

Exactly. I had heard the sketch a few times before hearing it performed by Abbot and Costello, and I still found it hilarious. Timing really is everything.

Zero Punctuation - Awards for 2009
01/07/10, 01:01

Because snarky jokes and clever little cartoons cause you inexplicable rectal pain?
The only curling video you'll ever understand
01/06/10, 06:21

I have a little knowledge of curling so let me see if I understood what happened here:

Once she let go of the Oxnard (also known as "the golden snitch") it was considered "in play" and then it was her job to guide it toward the pins using her kicking prowess, while being careful to avoid a facemasking penalty.

However, due to a scheduling mishap, at that moment the janitorial staff showed up to begin cleaning the giant pinball table they were playing on. Since the Galvington was still "in play," she had no choice but to scream at the janitors to get off the playfield (which is called "Ontario") before the Stickywicket collided with the leftermost score-detractor or "Her Majesty's Rumpus" as it is often called.

Luckily, the janitors got the message and stopped just in time for the Heliotrope to stop right at the Optimal Scoring Orb (also called "the clitoris") which awarded the team five moose antlers, thus allowing her to fulfill the promise she made to her dying father (which was to finish up quickly so her game didn't pre-empt the hockey playoffs.)
Australian TMNT VHS ad
01/06/10, 04:31

One day, Splinter walked into the den and announced "you have done well, my sons! Now you must tell the people where they can buy us!"

There was an uncomfortable silence.
Export Cola 1970s Ad
01/06/10, 04:29

No one cares! Now show us more of the Funky Squad!
lollipop
01/06/10, 04:28

Dear India:

We surrender.
Lenexa KS UPS Worker steals iPod, loads it with Child Porn
01/06/10, 04:25

It's a story you won't see anywhere else, because the rest of the country has collectively decided to pretend Kansas does not exist, and it's working out great.
Brigantine Castle commercial
01/06/10, 04:23

THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THE BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS.
Lenexa KS UPS Worker steals iPod, loads it with Child Porn
01/06/10, 04:21

Oh my God, do we actually have pedo hipsters now? Is this a thing that exists? Do you hang out in record stores complaining about how pedos these days are all mainstream sellouts made to appeal to the lowest common denominator? Do you wear tshirts with the names of undiscovered pedos on them and when someone asks about them, you just scoff and go "yeah, he's this new pedo out of Texas. You've probably never heard of him, he's pretty obscure."


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