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Xenocide

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Comments
CNN Calls out Healthcare Reform Opponent on his Billion-Dollar Fraud
08/07/09, 02:42

"Sure $1.7 billion SOUNDS like a lot.

"Unless you're ME. You know what I do with $1.7 billion? Cause I'll tell you.

"The other day I took a wheelbarrow full of $1.7 billion over to this old lady's house. She'd been a loyal customer of my insurance company for 20 years, and had just been diagnosed with cancer, and I told her that my insurance company had found a loophole that allowed us to deny her coverage. But it was okay, because I was going to give her $1.7 billion to make up for it.

"Then I took out a match, lit it, and threw it into the pile of money and made her watch. Then 20 minutes later, after it was all nothing but a pile of ashes, I said 'Oops!' and walked out the door.

"Doing that is the only way I'm able to have an orgasm."
Failed Abortion Speaks Truth to Power
08/06/09, 20:03

Well, abortion is still legal and you're still alive, kid, so I don't see what you're complaining about.
The Quick Brown Horse Jumps Over the Ugly Car
08/06/09, 17:41

I think you mean, "car 0, Horse NEW KING OF HORSEKIND."
Backpacker travels with his kitty around the world
08/06/09, 09:35

Friendship! :D
Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe - Dark Khan
08/06/09, 07:29

William Shatner as The Joker.

Would it work? No. Do I want to see it anyway? Hell, yes.
No means no, ladies
08/06/09, 04:32

Oh, if only I'd have been so lucky as to gone to Bizzaro Gender Role High School. I would have impregnated the entire football team, then had a tragic breakdown scene where I write "WHORE" all over my body in bright pink lipstick. Then later, I'd have risen above it to become America's first male class president, and the movie would end with me accepting a scholarship to Pretty Fashion Giggle University For Boys.


In other news: 5 for the fat chick showing out of nowhere and stopping the music.
Joshu2uber in stupid sunglasses challenges 4chan to a war
08/06/09, 04:20

So wait, is his 4chan destruction strategy to pray really hard?

I hope it is.

Also, 4chan did not "ruin Scientology." And I'll never forgive them for that failure.
Miley Cyrus stalker in NY
08/06/09, 03:00

Billy Ray's super power is to be able to tell if you're a good man via hand-to-hand contact.
Oodles the Talking Poodle
08/06/09, 02:42

Everything Oodles says and does gets contradicted by people. He must be so full of hidden rage.
Obama sings Happy Birthday to Helen Thomas
08/05/09, 20:46

To return the favor, the next year, Helen popped out of a giant cupcake and sang "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" Marlyn Monroe style.
True Forced Loneliness On Pittsburgh LA Fitness Massacre
08/05/09, 17:23

Mama pajama? A new catch phrase is born!
man gets hit by bus
08/05/09, 06:33

"Even though he steps behind the camera to direct rather than star this time around, Hans Moleman's inspired sequel to his classic 'Man Being Hit By Football' improves on the original in every way. The man is moving instead of stationary. The object which hits him is larger. His injury is potentially life-threatening. It surpasses its Oscar-winning predecessor in every possible area. I give it my highest possible recommendation."

-Joel Siegel, "Good Morning Purgatory"
Rachel Maddow on GOP Thug Tactics
08/05/09, 06:25

So....Oldnonymous?
Thomas Pynchon Loved This Book! (The Simpsons)
08/05/09, 04:03

It'll all be for nothing if they don't get Harper Lee. Hurry guys, or you'll miss your window! She's like a hundred!

From what I understand, most of them approached the show and asked to be on. The Simpsons has a surprising number of fans in the literary world. In fact, they rarely go looking for guests because they're constantly being asked by all manner of celebrities. It's been that way since about the third season (the turning point was probably when when Jacko asked to be on.)
KentuckyGirl58's Dog Hates Barack Obama, Refuses Treats from Him
08/05/09, 03:54

OBAMA, KEEP YOUR GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY DOG'S MOUTH OR WHATEVER.
The Band Concert (1935)
08/05/09, 02:17

Anyone could become an asshole when Donald's around, though. That's why Donald is awesome.

Plus he was the first to recognize how well Turkey in the Straw mixes into William Tell. THAT TAKES VISION.
The Band Concert (1935)
08/05/09, 02:11

One of the greats. And also possibly the last time Mickey was really funny.

Highly awkward interview
08/04/09, 17:26

Oh, god, this is wonderful. It just keeps getting worse and worse; from the awkwardness to the aborted attempts at taking shots at the band (OH MAN HOW COULD YOU GUYS NOT VOTE) to the mention of the purely fictional "Andy."
Glenn Beck: Cars.gov allows government to takeover your computer
08/04/09, 16:29

Fox News' average viewer is in their sixties. These are the people who believe those "YOU ARE INFECTED WITH VIRUSES, CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MALWARE" popup ads are real messages from their computers. Needless to say, Glenn is not going to have a hard time convincing these people.
Protect American Healthcare Ad
08/04/09, 16:19

Has there been any major Republican platform in the last 30 years that hasn't boiled down to scare tactics?

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