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Xenocide

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Comments
My Little Dashie - The Movie
01/07/14, 11:10

Constant, unending narration is the hallmark of great filmmaking!
Michael Bay walks off CES stage after teleprompter freezes up
01/07/14, 00:26

"I GET PAID TO DREAM FOR A LIVING."

"MR. BAY, TELL US WHY YOU ARE SO GREAT."

"WELL, BALDING SHILL, YOU SEE..."

Come on, Michael, how hard is it to improvise your way through a public blowjob?
Frank Nelson on 'Sanford and Son'
01/06/14, 14:47

Embedding disabled by requeeeeeeeeeeest!
Frank the Hippie Pope
01/06/14, 12:57

Oh man, hippie jokes! Humor from 50 years ago never goes stale!
Frank the Hippie Pope
01/06/14, 11:44

The "camel" thing is a mistranslation anyway. The actual word, as far as I've been able to tell, is "rope," not "camel." A rope through the eye of a needle.

Now, you can put a rope through the eye of a needle...by unraveling it and pulling it through thread by thread. But by then it's not a rope anymore.

So the way I've always interpreted is, "the rich can get to heaven, by abandoning all their superfluous crap and giving themselves to a much simpler existence. At which point, they are no longer rich."

Or maybe it's just an idiom Jesus was throwing out there! Hey, Jesus, did you want to ever say anything without people obsessively analyzing it for thousands of years? Like, maybe one day you ordered hash browns for breakfast, and someone wrote it down, and you went, "Oh man, I hope no one ever starts a war over this." Well, TOO BAD.
Perfect Strangers Tribute
01/05/14, 18:14

COUSIN LARRY, COME QUICK, I DISCOVER ADOBE PREMIERE!
Girl Boy Bakla Tomboy
01/05/14, 11:18

CERTIFIED BY INSPECTOR #5! MACHINE WASHABLE!
Leo the Lion: The First Adventure
01/04/14, 14:27

You must avenge my death, Kimba...uh, I mean, Simba.

All my stars for the PASSIONATE APPEAL TO RACIAL TOLERANCE starting at 0:41
The Showstopper: The Next Hugh Hefner
01/03/14, 20:23

Strangely contains no footage of his day job at the Pawnee parks department.
Problem Child 2 - Fart
01/03/14, 15:36

I choose to believe that the name of this entire film was "Problem Child 2: Fart"
Coin
01/02/14, 18:44

Their plan to obtain one cent was nearly flawless. But they made the mistake of mugging the furious looking bodybuilding karate master with the skull belt buckle.

A common error.
MARS NEEDS MOMS 'No Broccoli' Clip
01/02/14, 16:26

Napoleon: Net never includes a film's ad budget, and Lone Ranger and John Carter both had marketing campaigns which cost upwards of $100 million.

So Prince of Persia is the only one of the lot that MIGHT have actually turned a profit.
James Avery discusses voicing Shredder
01/01/14, 22:05

Someday, long decades from now, Will Smith's friend Jazz will ascend to his eternal reward. He'll stroll right on into heaven, secure in his righteousness. He'll pass by James Avery, who will give him a stern look.

Cut to an exterior shot of the pearly gates.

Cut to Jazz yelping as he's thrown out.

Studio audience laughs.
James Avery discusses voicing Shredder
01/01/14, 21:57

Awww! Shell shock!
Frank Nelson for McDonalds
01/01/14, 20:34

The Domain of Queen Wendy is currently at peace with McDonaldland, however, ever since UN inspection teams confirmed that they lack the ability to produce round burger patties.
Frank Nelson for McDonalds
01/01/14, 20:29

"The orient."

People laughed when I predicted that 2014 would be the year when fourth-tier Simpsons characters would come to life, travel back in time, and shill for terrible hamburgers in the past. Well, they were right to laugh! It's a pretty ridiculous situation!
MARS NEEDS MOMS 'No Broccoli' Clip
01/01/14, 17:31

THE MAGICAL WORLD OF DISNEY PRESENTS: MOTION-CAPTURED VOMITING CAT


So let's run this down:

2010: Prince of Persia

2011: Mars Needs Moms

2012: John Carter

2013: The Lone Ranger

What will Disney piss away a hundred million bucks on this year?
Smurfberry Crunch Ad from 1982
01/01/14, 11:44

You do not need an entire village to serve one guy breakfast in bed. These smurfs must be fucking desperate for something to do.
Ghostbusters cereal commercial
12/31/13, 23:52

Hey, kids! A dead Klansman brought you cereal!
Heaven Is For Real - Trailer
12/31/13, 00:34

Oh man, I remember when this kid was on Fox News being interviewed about his heaven adventure with his dad. He spoke maybe two sentences the entire time while dad said everything else for him.

Also dad was a fat, barely articulate Teabagger prototype but for some reason that didn't carry over into the movie.

Personally I think this kid is just practicing his cold reading technique on his family. "Did you have a father? You did! Was he old when he died? Yes, I'm sensing he was old when he died, and then I saw him, in heaven! Before he was old, was he young? Yes, because in heaven, he was young! Did you call him something? Was it...dad? No? Pop? Yes, that's what he said you called him! In heaven! Where I met him! Listen, dad, I'm going to need you to buy me an Xbox or I might have to tell Saint Peter about some of the stuff Pop did in the war."

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