Knuckles
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Suspended!
Suspension through: 0000-00-00
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| Comments |
Retro Game Master: Super Fantasy Zone
07/01/11, 18:58
I can't believe I just willingly watched a video of some guy playing a video game for 40 minutes. |
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Iran bans mullets
07/01/11, 18:48
AAAAALAAH AKBAR
AAAAALAAH AKBAR
AAAAALAAH AKBAR
AAAAALAAH AKBAR
Rock over London, rock on Chicago!
American Airlines! Something special in the air!
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Something goes wrong in The Sims 3
07/01/11, 18:41
A face only a mother could be hypnotically forced into loving. |
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Mud crab cooking incident!!
06/30/11, 18:50
This angers the crab. |
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America's Got Talent - Team iLuminate
06/30/11, 11:28
This is way better than a little girl who can sing opera. It's even better than a middle aged woman who can sing opera. |
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a singing christmas tree malfunctions
06/29/11, 17:16
This Christmas, deck the halls with blood and guts. This Christmas, be prepared for GOOD KING WENCESLAUGHTER. |
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a singing christmas tree malfunctions
06/29/11, 00:06
I would pay cash money to take this back in time to like 1950 and tell people that this is the only form of music left in the year 2011. |
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Southwest pilot and a stuck microphone
06/24/11, 22:42
At first I thought it was pretty cool that Southwest hires elderly and overweight people to be flight attendants. Then I realized that to this guy, any girl over 120 pounds is a whale and anyone over 20 is a granny.
Also, what does it matter whether the male flight attendants are gay? Is he okay with fucking a dude as long as he's not too gay? |
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Bronie Rap
06/24/11, 21:41
The first line of the youtube description:
"I hate rap. I really do." |
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Saints Row the Third gameplay trailer
06/24/11, 21:37
They shamelessly copied every single gameplay mechanic from GTA but this somehow looks so much more fun. |
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TF2- Meet the Medic
06/24/11, 20:57
Chess is the greatest game ever invented by humans and TF2 is a hat collecting sim for babies. But this video is still pretty funny. |
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World record Mario jump is a fake!
06/21/11, 00:29
Dammit, who let the internet out of its cage again? |
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Happy Hotdog Man Device
06/17/11, 03:06
It was her last 20 dollars. To be honest it should have gone towards the rent. They were already a week behind. It wouldn’t be much longer until she would come home from Walgreens to find a bright red eviction notice taped to the door. But at 3 AM she awoke from a fitful sleep in the formless void of her living room, her television’s snowy picture casting a blue pall on the sofa, and she saw the commercial. This was it, she thought -- this would be her child’s best birthday ever. She would give him this. And for at least a little while he would be happy. For at least one night she would not hear him from his tiny bedroom, sobbing himself to sleep.
For at least one night maybe she wouldn’t cry, either.
It was hard to get to the library. The buses that took her between her two jobs didn’t pass very close and their schedules didn’t leave her much time to walk. But she did -- three miles each way. Waiting for one of the computers to free up made her late to her shift at Burger King, and she knew her boss would threaten dismissal again. All she could do was hope he wouldn’t follow through.
She went online and ordered it. The perfect gift. He would love it. He would love her.
It came over a week late. His birthday had come and gone. But she knew the gift was on its way, and saved some hot dogs for when it arrived. It was hard for her to justify cooking him peas for dinner when there were still four hot dogs left in the fridge, but she suffered his grousing patiently. He would understand.
When it finally did come, she wrapped it lovingly in newspaper and waited for him to get home from school. She spent the whole day fussing with the construction paper ribbon, getting it just right. This was important. He would love it so much.
He walked through the door with bruises on his face. This wasn’t the first time. She ran to him, momentarily forgetting the gift.
“Oh baby, what happened?”
“It was those kids again, mom. I--” and then he broke down. Weeping, snotty, a heaving 80 pound heap on the floor. She hugged him close and cooed. “They can’t hurt you here. They can’t hurt you here. Oh, no.”
When he was calm again, she gave him the package. “For your birthday,” she said. “I’m sorry it’s late.”
His face lit up. He sniffled back some mucus and tore into the wrapping. She was so happy. Happy to see him happy. That was all she ever wanted.
But the smile quickly faded. He stared at the packaging. Confused. He didn’t understand. “What is it?” he asked.
“It’s for hot dogs. It makes them into funny shapes. Look.” She indicated the pictures on the back of the box. Man-shaped hot dogs, covered in condiments. Smiling children. “Doesn’t it look so fun?”
The child sat there mouth agape, but snapped back quickly. He made a grimacing sort of half-smile and said, “yeah. Fun.”
She cooked the hot dogs for him in the microwave. Then she took one of them, showed him how to use the device, and let him do the others. He worked with a strange sort of focus, looking down the whole time. When the last hot dog was ready, she took one in her hand and spread its limbs, then made it do a little dance on the grimy table. She made some funny noises and the boy laughed despite himself.
“You’re so weird, mom.”
The woman paused. Still holding the hot dog she hugged her son. “Happy birthday,” she said. “I know it isn’t much.”
“It’s ok,” he said.
She pulled back and looked at him. “I love you so much. I’m sorry about those boys. I’m sorry…” she trailed off, knowing she would break down if she continued. The truth was, she was sorry for everything.
She let him eat all four hot dogs and didn’t tell him it was the last of the food. She could go just one night without eating.
When he went to bed she told him again how much she loved him and wished him again a happy birthday. And once again he smiled. But deep in the night she heard that same muffled sobbing from his bedroom, and for another night she felt the cloying insanity of despair eating at her from the inside out. |
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More Cone-ing
06/16/11, 18:39
Yeah, it's not like he's doing anything to the drive-thru guy besides giving him an awesome story to tell. There's nothing malicious here at all. |
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For the Record guy agrees he's a Right Wing Extremist
06/14/11, 19:21
No way man Hitler was totally a democrat |
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The Office Recut as an 80s Sitcom
06/14/11, 19:15
Also the ratings here are useless, I reflexively gave this a 5 but it really deserves a 2 or something |
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The Office Recut as an 80s Sitcom
06/14/11, 19:13
All forms of entertainment mostly suck. TV mostly sucks a lot less than it used to. |
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Giant crane delivers swimming pool
06/14/11, 18:53
The calls are coming from the operator -- and that's not anger. That's the anguished cry of a man who knows his career and livelihood have just ended. Maybe the accident was his fault, I dunno, but it doesn't bring me any joy.
These rich fucks will sue the crane company, and between that and insurance they'll get all of their money back plus some. The ultimate loser here will be the operator. He's fucked for life and he knows it. |
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Final Jeopardy
06/13/11, 20:48
There was no year 0 AD. That's why all centuries start in years ending with 1. This has nothing to do with lacking a concept of zero, either. Nor with whether Jesus actually existed. It's simply that a 0 AD would imply a 0 BC, and that's just silly, it goes from 1 BC to 1 AD. |
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E3 2011 - 13 Minutes of Skyrim
06/12/11, 15:11
I dunno, he sounds mostly embarrassed about saying phrases like "dragon souls." |
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