You can't make this shit up, people. The guy who minutes ago was applying for the job of Leader of The Free World, quit the race by quoting pokemon and making vacuous statements about his country.

And, of course, there are tons of articles about him quoting the "Pokeymon" movie, because this is just so ridiculous that to let it pass without comment would be negligent.

when kane is gone brother marcion will provide troops and equipment for the attack, isn't that RIGHT, BROTHER?

He just does not wrap his mind around the idea that acknowledging how somoething he said is stupid before or after saying it does not cancel out the stupid thing he says.

So he couldn't wikipedia the song and read that it was written by Donna Summer?

The best thing the man has said was quoted from a movie about a child who always loses but learns a lot about himself except how to do basic shit for winning. How appropriate.

It would be a missed opportunity if Robert Smigel doesn't follow this up with a Saturday TV Funhouse cartoon.

What the fuck is wrong with people that they can't pronounce Pok�mon properly? Is the letter 'e' that much of a goddamn mystery to all of you?

Just LOOK INSIDE. And YOU WILL FIND. Just what you CAN do.

So anyways I quit.

US politics is a clown-car packed with amusement.

He wanted to be president
It sounded like such a blast
But there was an agreement
With this woman he harassed

HERMAN CAIN!

Every challenge along the way
With courage I will face
I will battle every day
To claim my rightful place

Come with me, the time is right
There's no better team
Arm in arm we'll win the fight
It's always been our dream

Cain/Pikachu 2012!

Spend four years declaring that the president is literally worse than Hitler

Be utterly incapable of finding anyone to replace him

GOTTA GROPE EM ALL!!

Cain seems like the kind of guy who thinks he's just as charming as Hell but doesn't realize those around him only pretend he is because he has some sort of power over them.

He was probably deeply hurt and shocked when the sexual harassment claims were filed against him. In his mind, he probably thought he was as smoothly seductive as Billy Dee Williams. After all, all his employees and underlings laughed at his jokes and took his flirting in stride.

And here again, he thought he would be charming and entertaining and everyone would be just delighted to vote for him.

Kind of sad, in a way.

THE MEDIA pointed that out. And that's always bad, when the media points things out.

For example, one time the media pointed out that Herman Cain was running for president.


I love this shit so much. Long after everything else he did is forgotten, Herman Cain will be remembered as "The Pokemon Candidate" for all eternity.

HERMAN! GO BACK TO YOUR POKEBALL!

Is he trying to drive the Bad Lip Reading people out of business?

Reminds me of Jack Kemp's speech when he withdrew from the 1988 primaries, encouraging his supporters not to lose heart:

"You got the the touch. You got the power. When all hell's breaking loose,
you'll be right in the eye of the storm. You got the heart, you got the motion. You know that when things get too tough, you got the touch."

He and his constituents need to hold on to what they've got. It doesn't make a difference if they've made it or not. They've got each other, and that's a lot (for love).

They gave it a shot.

Funny how conservatards (yes, I used the term) hate hate HATE THE AWFUL LIBRUL MEDIA when it points out how fucking retarded they are, but gobble that shit up when they're getting their dick sucked by Fox News.

Note the use of "suspended." He won't officially quit until he gets the last sweet pile of campaign matching funds to pay his bills (which may include a good divorce attorney).

Look for the real pull out in January.

"Sadly, I have been informed by my advisers that my power level is well below 9000."

Christ, I can only imagine what would have happened if he'd actually become the Republican nominee and made it to the debates:

"President Obama, I know the MEDIA is going to come down on me for this (shakes head all 'liberals with their stupid nonsense' like) but I offer you these words: ... I am the Saiyan who came from earth to defeat you. Despite my calm, quiet heart, I am the legendary warrior, awakened by intense anger..."

"Apparently, I've been quoting the theme song to an insipid kid's movie and attributing it to some 'great poet' for years. This is the media's fault for pointing it out. Anyway, here's the same quote again with additional gesticulations. Fuck you all, I'm outta here and God Bless America!"

I wonder what other "poets" he quoted in his videos? Sesame street or Barney the purple dinosaur?