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Desc:He made some miraculous Triscuits, JUST FOR YOU, on the order of GAWWWWWD.
Category:Advertisements, Religious
Tags:Peter Popoff, faith healer, scam artists, Miracle Manna
Submitted:cognitivedissonance
Date:12/06/11
Views:2144
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Comment count is 25
The Mothership
LAY IT ON YOUR UNPAID BILLS! 200 YEAR OLD BRICKS! TEETH!


Udderdude
This guy has scammed people out of millions upon millions of dollars. It's completely insane that he's not locked up and never allowed near a teleprompter for the rest of his life.
kamlem
Or an in-ear receiver...

themilkshark
Bread from church will solve all of your problems.

MANNUH.
StanleyPain
I got one of those packages from this guy a few years back (the ones that phish for new donations) and I so regret losing it because it was absolute religious batshit insanity distilled into perfection. It included this piece of paper with a picture of a rug on it and it was referred to as a "prayer rug" or something like that and you were supposed to kneel on it and pray to god, but the thing was about 4X6 and barely big enough for one knee.
It also had these elaborate instructions for how to properly "pray" which involved wishing for things on a piece of paper, placing the paper under your bed and sleeping on it for one night, than setting it on fire while chanting or some shit.
It was an amazing package. I thought about actually asking for one from the foundation, but fuck that..I don't want my address on their rolls as an actual potential target.
SDAusmus
Was it the one with the picture of Jesus that was supposed to open its eyes if you prayed hard enough?!?!

cognitivedissonance
I got one of the prayer mats. Mine had optical illusion eyes that if you stared at it hard enough, looked like they opened up. The instructions were that if you stared at it long enough and Jesus' eyes opened for you, KNEEL IMMEDIATELY AND PRAY and then you had to send the prayer mat thingie to another "home in need" and EXACTLY 17 DOLLARS to Peter Popoff.

Oscar Wildcat
Incredible. A masterwork. I've made plenty of bread and got curious enough to read the passages in questions. Here's the ingredient, per Ezekiel 4:9 & 4:12

"Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side. Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel."

In case it it lost on you; God has Ezekiel tied up in some weird perfomance art/bondage scene for 390 days. All he has is the raw bread mix and his dehydrated feces for fuel. You know, I should do a bible study class. If Christians ever actually read the damn thing I think they'd be astounded.

If Peter is telling the truth about his manna he must be a very regular guy. Laxatives?
Randroid
Ezekiel's bake mix, for the saddest christmas basket ever.

memedumpster
You would need some kind of... EZ(ekial) Bake Oven!

Oscar Wildcat
Fired to a yeasty perfection deep in Ezekiel's intestinal ovens.

takewithfood
The bible specifically says that the Ezekiel 4:9 bread is to be made with human shit:

Ezekiel 4:12 "And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight."

Ezekiel 4:13 "And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them."

The whole book is basically just God fucking with Ezekiel because he can.
SDAusmus
You forget that God eventually relents and lets Ezekiel use cow shit instead of human shit:

 14Then said I, Ah Lord GOD! behold, my soul hath not been polluted: for from my youth up even till now have I not eaten of that which dieth of itself, or is torn in pieces; neither came there abominable flesh into my mouth.

 15Then he said unto me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith.

takewithfood
Yeah, but we aren't Ezekiel. We've been eating bacon.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Oh my God, this is priceless.

Yes, dung bread is priceless. Who knew!

B. Weed
Gah, this scumfucker's still in business 25 years after the Tonight Show expose?
Jet Bin Fever
Exploiting the faith of well-meaning but ignorant people for your own personal gain. If it exists, there's a special place in hell for Peter Popoff.
pastorofmuppets
It's cynical, but I've begun to think that such schemes are the only way society can get back some of what it loses to the lazy, dangerous stupidity that would make someone likely to fall for them.

That is, the marks aren't innocent. But what we need is a way for all non-religious people to cash in, not just one unscrupulous dick.

Maybe everyone could half-ass a christian rock album in their teenage years, and then use the proceeds to pay part of the cost of college.

spikestoyiu
According to his website, he's moved on to "miracle spring water".
Jet Bin Fever
he was doing that for ages. I think it's what made him rich.

spikestoyiu
Hold up -- you can get rich off of water? My house is full of the stuff.

Jet Bin Fever
Just say you prayed and God showed you the secret location of a spring somewhere in Russia. Blammo! Millions of dollars.

Randroid
Is Popoff getting away with this because he is only soliciting for "donations" and not recieving any payment for goods/services?
Crackersmack
I wish I could come up with such a brilliant plan to take money from dumbasses. This man truly is inspired.
duck&cover
I thought the original manna was some kind of bug-puke.
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