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Desc:This show's producers hate their subjects so much.
Category:Classic TV Clips, Horror
Tags:hyperactive, Toddlers & Tiaras, pageants, pageant crack
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Resubmit:Love & Vomit

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Comment count is 62
BroodMother - 2012-01-06
Sometimes I question my disagreement with euthanasia and sterilization.
cognitivedissonance - 2012-01-06
This one doesn't even get "This is why the terrorists hate us," this one gets "this is why you consider everybody who isn't immediately adjacent to you a terrorist".
TheDevilsDictionary - 2012-01-06
As disturbing as 4:32 is, it ranks nowhere near as high as little kids guzzling soft drinks.

Cena_mark - 2012-01-06
I enjoyed sugar highs as a kid, but its supposed to be pleasurable in that your parents didn't want you to eat that much sugar. The energy in a sugar high is for war games and rasslin' not these horrible pageants.

TheDevilsDictionary - 2012-01-06
Moderation is always key, and I have no problem with giving kids sugar, but my own anecdotal experience has been that more and more often I see kids in strollers sucking down cans of Dr. Pepper and it makes me despair.

I imagine if I confronted the parents about it they would say "BUT ITS GOT WHAT KIDS CRAVE"


cognitivedissonance - 2012-01-06
My parents divided a can of pop into three little Dixie cups for my siblings and I at a single serving, no more than once a day.

Cena_mark - 2012-01-06
Can they even use all those paper towels, aluminum foils, dish soaps, etc within their lifetimes? It especially looks to be too much considering how short her lifetime will be before heart disease takes her out. Poor Alana will have nothing to inherit but a wasted childhood and a Sam's Club inventory.
Dread Pirate Roberts - 2012-01-06
For you, Cena.

spikestoyiu - 2012-01-06
This extreme couponing shit is just another shade of hoarding.

Cena_mark - 2012-01-06
I guess she scouts bargains on household items and buys 5 lifetime supplies of them, and considers that her contribution to the household.

Cena_mark - 2012-01-06
Ha ha Spikes, You made me google "Extreme Couponing" and surprise, TLC has a show about it.

twinkieafternoon - 2012-01-06
5 Phantom Stars to Cena

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2012-01-06
Little Miss Diabetes, you've stolen our hearts!

dr_rock - 2012-01-07
Cena's on fire the last few days. For you.

mashedtater - 2012-01-07
they will only be able to track their linage through the computer cut out photos that are tacked up to the otherwise bare walls

baleen - 2012-01-13
"I ain't hurtin her," says the diabetic morbidly obese woman with hypertension who will be dead by the time she's 50.

Baldr - 2012-01-06
My favorite thing about this is the father's unending thousand-yard-stare.
SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-01-06
Here's the POE question: Who's personal hell was deeper? This guy, or the late father of Chris-Chan?

dr_rock - 2012-01-07
Neither. Cupcake Dog's.

Kabbage - 2012-01-13
That poor, poor dog.

American Standard - 2012-01-06
Changing my username to Honey Boo Boo Chile.
Anaxagoras - 2012-01-06
Yeah, that name is way better than this Greek crap I have now.

Oscar Wildcat - 2012-01-06
For sure. What the hell even is anthrax angora?

William Topaz McGonagall - 2012-01-06
I find that this video yields optimum levels of seething hatred if you watch it while keeping in mind that gay people aren't legally allowed to adopt children in most states.
Bort - 2012-01-06
Well played. Now I want to punch things.

Billy the Poet - 2012-01-11
Well, you wouldn't want them to get an unnatural concept of human sexuality, would you? Burp.

kingarthur - 2012-01-06
Again, I say, TLC treads where few others dare: an unflinching documentation of the decline of America.

That, or it's just more white trash television.
Oktay - 2012-01-06
Some day, these contests will feature stripper poles, and we won't even notice. (Unless some already do, and I didn't notice.)
STABFACE - 2012-01-06
http://www.usmagazine.com/ celebrity-moms/news/toddlers-and-tiaras-tot-wears-pretty-woman-pro stitute-costume-201199

There are still at least enough remaining gossamer shreds of self-awareness to decry dressing children like actual prostitutes.

For now.

BHWW - 2012-01-06
This is just one of the many things that sometimes tempts me to go "no thanks" and go live out in the woods alone while waiting for a fiery sulphur rain to burn and scour this nation
TeenerTot - 2012-01-06
I'll bet that kid could have grown into someone really smart and fun to be around, had she not been born to that thing.
Adham Nu'man - 2012-01-06
That kid is just high on cocaine.

Rosebeekee - 2012-01-06
Has their ever been a pageant mom on this show who hasn't looked like a sac of genetic failure?
STABFACE - 2012-01-06
There are actually two types of moms on this show: The aforementioned sacks of genetic failure, and the trophy wife whose beauty is fading rapidly before our eyes.

dododge - 2012-01-07
There's also the super-competitive and super-fit "sporty" mom who has the kid doing soccer one day, dance the next, then gymnastics, aerobics, biking, cheer squad, swimming, and on and on. For them pageants are just another competitive sport on the list.

erratic - 2012-01-06
That mom is god's gift to caricature artists.
sosage - 2012-01-06
For you.

The Mothership - 2012-01-06

Also, since when is 'couponing' both an occupation and an identity? Is this a Georgia thing?
Seven Arts/H8 Red - 2012-01-06
June's attempting a transition from 'couponing' to perennial TLC freak-show bait.

charmlessman - 2012-01-06
Her mom was beaming demon hambeast powers at her from the seats.
Oscar Wildcat - 2012-01-06
That shit was frightening.

StanleyPain - 2012-01-06
Holy shit, this is like meme-fuel 2000 or something. There's hardly any footage here that is not useable in some sort of YTP or mash up or whatever....
Bort - 2012-01-06
I just realized where I've seen the little girl before:

Cherry Pop Culture - 2012-01-06
The parents already have the kids hopped up in substances in order for them to perform. Christ.
Stopheles - 2012-01-06
What are the odds that Alana reads at grade level?
Rodents of Unusual Size - 2012-01-06
What are the odds she was raised in the forest like Jodie Foster in Nell? Because I swear that is what these people sound like.

B. Weed - 2012-01-06
Do they routinely have to subtitle the kids' speech for incomprehensibility?

Also, I'm a little disturbed in that I was surprised NOT to see some parent shotgunning Red Bull down their little darlin's throat.
dododge - 2012-01-07
Subtitles are pretty common on the show.

And Red Bull is definitely in use. It's not as blatant as the ever-present giant pixy stix, but I definitely saw a kid holding a blurred-out but obvious can of it in a previous episode.

dododge - 2012-01-21
Update: on Dr. Drew's show it turns out that the go-go juice is more than just soda. They don't name names but it's presumably a mix of Mountain Dew and Red Bull.


BroodMother - 2012-01-06
I don't know how to interpret 4:32.
kingofthenothing - 2012-01-06
Jesus fucking christ. More like Portal of Depressing.
twinkieafternoon - 2012-01-06
In no way when she's dancing in the audience is she projecting herself on that stage, seeing herself being charismatic and sassy and whatever her definition of likable is.

In no way.

Not a single way.
memedumpster - 2012-01-06
The real cruel joke is, I bet the kid lost because of her mom and one day that will be what tears them apart.
dairyqueenlatifah - 2012-01-06
5:24 really hits home. Just look at this poor child's father.

Dad's dead eyed, 1000 yard stare sums up things perfectly.

He's the only semi-sane person in the video.

He regrets everything.
Pillager - 2012-01-07

I see a lot arrests in the future of Alana & co.

Damn, that little girl sounds like Dusty Rhoades.
Cena_mark - 2012-01-07
She's wined and dined with kings and queens, and she's slept in allies eating pork and beans.

dead_cat - 2012-01-07
I see a lot of Type 2 diabetes.

Redford - 2012-01-07
For a person who frequently asks questions like "Why have we programmed our society to think covering your eyes with uncomfortable non-natural colors is beautiful" this is nearly rage-inducing.
Foux du Fafa - 2012-01-10
At 0:50 I half expected Pingu to whip out the flame-thrower
Jet Bin Fever - 2012-01-10
needs a resubmit from a kind soul.
Jet Bin Fever - 2012-01-10
okay I found it I think. Vote up. Such a fucking amazing clip.

dowstroyer666 - 2012-01-27
Your gonna be just as fat as your mom when you grow up. Once she breaks eight obesity ooohyeahh!!
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