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Desc:Can we have an embarrassing Blizzard cutscenes week?
Category:Video Games
Tags:blizzard, starcraft, chris metzen, when CS majors write
Submitted:FABIO
Date:01/16/12
Views:1152
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Old_Zircon
So a Blizzard cutscene week, then?
pressed peanut sweepings
The Starcraft 2 script made me die just a little bit.
Corpus Delectable
Ohhh, you haters! The Xel'Naga artifact has been assembled! Don't you see the significance of this?! It renders all melodramatic speeches actually important! IT'S PART OF THE PLOT! GAMES ARE ART!

Monty Cantsin
Whether or not StarCraft is art has little or nothing to do with its cut scenes.

Sputum
Marine 37 fired at the hatchery and inflicted 7 damage. He would have normally only inflicted 6 damage, had the wise Commander Red not purchased the +1 weapon upgrade. Marines 36 and 38 also fired upon the hatchery of the vile blue zerg, each also inflicting 7 and not 6 points of damage. As the hatchery fell marines 36 through 40 engaged in a heartfelt victory /dance. It was a short lived celebration, as the reality of the sacrifice made by marines 1 through 35 (and SCV 4) sank in. Marine 37 tried to piece together how this all came to pass.

11 minutes ago Commander Red made planetfall on Mar Alta. He couldn't recall what summoned him here, other than a deep hatred for the enemy. The dreaded blue zerg. They had to be destroyed and Commander red was the only man for the job, but first he needed an army.
"What kind of commander doesn't bring an army to a war?" SCV 4 rhetorically asked of his 5 coworkers as they were assigned their jobs.
"I don't think he even has any money to hire soldiers," replied SCV 2. "He beleives if he collects enough of these blue rocks he can use them to bribe soldiers into appearing out of thin air. Too bad he couldn't have tried that more than a quarter mile from where the enemy hangs out."
"Wow that's really stupid. Infact, it's really dumb to try to apply a story to this nonsensical game." Said SCV 4, only moments before being selected to scout the enemy position.
STABFACE
Stars for every SCV you start with.

StanleyPain
So then you've actually read the Starcraft novels then...

FABIO
Sacrifice had an incredibly excellent story for an RTS.

Brutal Legend...would have if they had let them finish the thing.

Sputum
Sacrifice.
I agree wholeheartedly.

Battlezone also had a great story. Those are the only two I can think of that successfully explain away the weird quirks common to RTS games.

Caminante Nocturno
Red Alert 3 had better writing, better acting, and a better story than Starcraft 2. Even if you thought Red Alert 3 was a bad game, you have to admit that's true.

It had better music, too.

Oh, and better gameplay. I guess that's important, too.
Sputum
I will agree if we are talking about single player. I think SC2 is one of the best competitive games to date.

Void 71
Isn't the multiplayer portion of Starcraft 2 just Starcraft 1 with some new units and balance tweaks? I know that it's hugely popular, but I think that has more to do with what the original Starcraft team accomplished than anything else.

Caminante Nocturno
Sorry, but I'm not autistic enough to enjoy RTS multiplayer.

Sputum
Exactly. It's incredible they didn't screw it up. It's Starcraft's simplicity and balance that makes it stand out from the other RTS games out there, and they understood that.

EvilHomer
Plus RA3 had Jenny McCarthy's tits.

FABIO
SC1 balance is a lot worse than SC1. They've basically admitting this by using the expansion to just change it back to SC1.

FABIO
^SC2 balance worse

orificespace
Wow this is really bad.

Also can't figure out how that dog tag was attached and why marines would use them in the future.
STABFACE
And it had a tiny light on it!

Triggerbaby
They have their visors open in the rain, so water is running in and collecting in their boots, right?
Volbard
Sooo... do those guys have arms, or are they just torsos wired into mechanical suits?
FABIO
Remember when Starcraft was just fun rednecks in space, working for the awesome overmind, and telling Protoss leaders to eat a dick?
Kabbage
My greatest hope for this series was that they'd go all-in on Rednecks in space. Some of the concept art even had all the generals wearing confederate civil war-inspired uniforms.

I always liked the idea that the Terrans were just the most roughneck drunk idiots you could possibly expect to run an interstellar empire.

crojo
I really really love how the front line soldiers are literally faceless.
Aelric
Remember when we were kids and we liked dumb stuff, but then we grew up and the sequels to our dumb kids stuff didn't hold up to our nostalgic memories?

It's giant armor men with guns fighting insects and predators. Sure, that's awesome in a primal sort of way, but it's also totally dumb. maybe what you guys are saying is that the melodrama added is too much and going back to being dumb is what you want, but is the really what you want?

Jupiterous Thunder, I must listen to only marching band music.
animegurl1000
The cinematics from Starcraft 1 were kind of bad in a "it's the late 1990s and we haven't quite hammered out the flaws in CGI animation technology yet" kind of way, but they were still half decent for what they were.

The cinematics in Starcraft 2 are just bad.

Gotta love the low-res texture for the ship's hazard stripes at 1:22.
FABIO
There was a decent enough plot behind the cutscenes, decent enough for a game about clicking armies of dudes.

Every post Diablo 2 cutscene/plot by Blizzard is just empty cliche spewing masturbation where nothing happens until the hero is corrupted by the chaos netherfel and becomes a tedious goth with dialog worthy of a Matrix sequel, taking itself way too seriously.

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