Owning Peter Ceteras records
Having a white guys name
Buying white socks
Laughing at Jeff Dunham
Thinking about Jake Gyllenhaal at the moment of climax and feeling guilty
Eating steak with ketchup
Looking like a cartoon exaggeration of a less ridiculous looking man
So instead of blindly voting for Mitt Romney, you should blindly vote for Rick Santorum, on the basis of a maddeningly vague soundbite about ideas and a plan and Americans working together to make America work and oh yeah did I mention a plan.