You're not in the boat, you're in the ocean and drowning, and the ocean is made of shit. The boat is right next to you, but you have become disoriented and are swimming towards the depths.
It's like they hired screenwriters from the something awful forums, and said "MAKE MOVIE ABOUT THING THAT NERDS DO. NERDS MUST BE MOCKED. GO." and this is the result.
THE DOUCHEY HOST OF X-PLAY!
THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS SILENT BOB!
A WASHED UP CHILD ACTOR FROM DISNEY'S HANNAH MONTANA!
AND THE DAUGHTER OF ROBIN WILLIAMS THAT GOT NAMED AFTER A NINTENDO CHARACTER!