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Desc:OK, I think I want to see this...
Category:Humor, Horror
Tags:Vampires, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Gothic, Dark Shadows
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Comment count is 34
Yeah, alright.
I feel sad.
John Holmes Motherfucker
Some of you seem to be too young to remember that the original series began in the 1970s, and moved back and forth in time willy-nilly.

The plots were just crazy. That bit toward the end where Chloe Moretz just sort of announced that she's a werewolf? That totally could have happened in the original show. A could have happened in the original show.

You can take issue with the decision to go from unintentionally hilarious to intentionally funny, but you're a n00b if you think Burton took liberties with the story. You can't take liberties with Dark Shadows, by definition.

You know, I was actually going to just give Burton the benefit of the doubt and assume that Dark Shadows would suck but it would just sort of suck in the usual Burton fashion. What I DID NOT expect, though, was that Burton would actually take Dark Shadows and turn it into LOL OLD VAMPIREZ IN MODERN TIMEZ shit.

I liked this movie...when it was called Vampire in Brooklyn.
Billy the Poet
You know what was a good movie? Beetlejuice.

I think you mean George Hamilton in "Love at First Bite" (1979)

That guy
Five stars of shit.

The 70's is "modern?"

I think he just wanted an excuse to try and bring back Oingo Boingo glasses.

This shtick could be funny, Burton. I'll sniff the reviews when it comes out but I'm interested.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I rolled my eyes when I heard about this.

I grinned throughout the entire preview. I adore Tim Burton. Ed Wood, Nightmare Before Christmas, and Big Fish are all in my top movies of all time. I love them and him, and this looks great.
Anyone not putting Pee Wee's Big Adventure on that list can just GET FUCKED.

Rodents of Unusual Size
Holy moly, I had no idea he even directed that. How could I not know that?

I would also say Mars Attack deserves more love.

Anybody who doesn't put Pee Wee's Big Adventure on their list should NOT get fucked. Just correcting this.

ya'll aint going hate on edward scissor hands, huh?

This looks painful to watch. I get the feeling most of these wonky jokes are going to fall flat, it's going to seem like a bad knockoff of the Munsters and the entire theater will be awkwardly silent.

Most of the target audience for this will have no idea who the Munsters are.

B. Weed
The screenwriter apparently wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombie and the upcoming Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter. This may be a warning sign to some. (I'm also not thrilled about the aggressively orange and teal cinematography.)
This looks fucking awful!


Ugh the squandered potential.
Yeah. I mean, the original series was corny, but it did kind of try to be gothic-serious and all that. Setting it in the 70's was fine, but going for supernatural slapstick may have been a mistake. Letting Depp just be a vampire without Burton sticking lava lamps all over the place and making bad jokes might have been fun.

This is probably going to be about as well-executed as Burton's plans for "Superman Lives."

Oh to have been at that pitch meeting:

Hey wasn't that show on in the 1970s? People still think stuff from the 70s is funny, right? Like ironically?
"I shall defeat you, demon witch...with the help of the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS!"
When I was in high school I worked at Blockbuster Video. At the time I had no idea what Dark Shadows was. But I did know that in the Sci-Fi/Horror section, there was a VHS tape titled "Dark Shadows: Volume 317." None of the other volumes were anywhere to be found.

Someone had gone to the trouble of releasing the entire 1,225 episode show to VHS, at the generous ratio of three episodes per tape. That meant that the entire set would have totaled 408 volumes.

Somewhere, there is a person who purchased every last one of them. And even now, they are furiously typing message board posts about how this movie is a monstrous assault on the original show's legacy. The word "rape" is probably used several times.
Scarecrow Video, Seattle.

That would be me. And no, it's on DVD and they increased the episodes per volume to 40 so it's only 25 volumes.

So it's like Edward Scissorhands (friendly otherworldly monster moves in with contemporary fam; hijinx and STRONG EMOTIONS ensue), but in the 1970s and with a show I've never heard of til now, and being directed by a Tim Burton that's been out of ideas for like a decade.
Tim Burton the hack remakes his only good movie Beetlejuice because it didn't have Johnny Depp in it.
Random Internet Guy spouts shallow & inaccurate observations because he thinks they're worth repeating.

According to interviews I've heard, Barnabas Collins was Depp's idol growing up, and partially sparked his interest for acting.
To say it's "bizarre" that he's going along with this adaptation is putting it mildly.
Looks fun, but I imagine fans of the series it's based on will be pissed off as fuck when they see this.
I'll watch it. I have a feeling the trailer was cut by someone who either didn't get the movie or didn't give a fuck - either way Burton deserves the benefit of the doubt.
Goddamn it, Youtube noticed I viewed this, now it populates my "suggested" column with it like crazy, and has been for days. This is even worse than the time it gave me nothing but tomboy chris-chan clips.
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