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Desc:Sorry son, you're gonna go to hell because god hates it when toys vaguely contradict the bible
Category:Religious
Tags:satan, brainwashing, lol xians, jehova
Submitted:WHO WANTS DESSERT
Date:05/31/12
Views:3574
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Comment count is 58
Jet Bin Fever
It's never too early to ruin your child's childhood.
Dread Pirate Roberts
God creates flawed beings, and then decides to persecute and exile them when they don't live up to his standards.

Hey god! If you wanted a perfect robot army, you should've made one you sick fuck!


This is why I will never be okay with religion being practiced. Spirituality is fine and dandy, but this kind of ass-backwards explanation for the universe needs to become taboo.
Pompoulus
So would he have caught her in a legal loophole if he'd said the toy was not magical?
Cena_mark
The almighty creator of the universe is threatened by a piece of molded plastic.

Bort
Five for Cena.

NewHeavenSalesman
wow that is a shitty snack

also it's a good thing she protected her son from fun or he would've ended up like that kid from Warlock
OxygenThief
Why does she say Satan like an elderly Puerto Rican lady?

"Say-an"
Toenails
I'm watching the first video, and the dad has an accent that could be generously described as "Ricky Ricardo".

It reminds me when Jehovies use to come to our house to drop off their booklets and talk with us and me and the roommates would play "find the guy in the wheelchair". That all inclusive bunch, god bless them.

Sudan no1
"Say-an"

This evil woman made him throw away his DBZ toys last week. :(

Kieran27
If this is the talk about a "magical" toy, I can't wait for the talk about masturbation. Then again, it would probably be the same speech.

"Do you want to play with something Jehovah hates? Do you want to make him sad?"
TeenerTot
Fuuuuuck.
So...what is "magic" exactly? If he had said something like "he moves things with telekinesis" would that be okay?
What about just "he does things no one can sufficiently explain with current scientific methods and technologies." Is that cool?
SteamPoweredKleenex
Probably not, as the parent might realize they worship magic (that also doesn't work or even exist) every day.

Redford
These theories are from an era where "Magic" was "an event happened we can not explain through the word of god". It is comically outdated for a modern day an age where science can explain virtually everything worth explaining.

Hooker
Magic is a blue robe with stars on it. Magician's powers often settle neatly into what's required for a story to advance while not being powerful enough to remove the element of threat.

Magic is loosely defined, and strictly forbidden. Theists who believe magic is evil are all crazy without exception.

cognitivedissonance
Maybe Harry Potter has some really interesting theories on quantum mechanics that have some incredible practical applications but he has yet to submit a paper to a peer-reviewed journal for fear of patent trolls.

Baldr
Assuming this isn't a parody, the graphics are a lot more sophisticated than what I thought fundamentalists were capable of.
misterbuns
srs cat? There was no facial rigging and the compositing was done entirely with a glow node in Fusion.

Baldr
Well at least they used stencil buffers.

misterbuns
presetz

The Mothership
I call bullshit - no kid his age would ever give his friend a toy, he would punch his friend in the face to keep it himself, the greedy imp.
Xenocide
Caleb's friend is the only generous 8 year old on Earth, and this is how he repays him.

misterbuns
JW can't go to birthday parties. Pagan.

Blue
Pretty sure he borrowed the toy his mother just threw out. Even if he didn't, usually parents will veto that sort of thing. Some poor mother is going to come asking after her kid's new toy and boy do I feel sorry for her.

dead_cat
Caleb's friend is a minion of satan, who gives out evil toys to good little wind-up children.

subduralhematoma
Yes, Caleb. You're on the righteous path to becoming the weird religious kid nobody invites to birthday parties. Have fun riding bikes with your mom, dipshit.
Blue
For the record, Caleb, you're required to both believe that the wizards in the movie exist and be scared of them. You must keep these beliefs into adulthood, even if it does get confusing when you have to explain the difference between being retarded and religious to your children.

Meerkat
The Bible contradicts the Bible.
misterbuns
Thank you, Christianity, for showing me what it would be like to remember childhood emotional abuse through a rosy, soft focus lens.
themilkshark
Pixar presents Indoctrination
Chalkdust
Toy(ing with your Children Emotionally) Story

Billy the Poet
Elastigirl, I thought you were cool.

cognitivedissonance
Bear in mind that Jehovah's Witnesses are weird but potentially the least dangerous of all fundie cults, since (officially, at least) they oppose membership in political parties.
Twitch
Haha dumb bitch put the toy in the recycling, that's not where wizards go!
Xenocide
Satan and his environmentalist allies invented recycling for this very purpose. Now the toy's raw magic will be harvested and used to turn people gay.

Killer Joe
"I'm coming back for you Caeleb. In a form none will recognize. And by the time you know that I've returned, you'll have already made Jehovah sad. Because you can't recycle magic Caeleb. You must destroy it utterly. Enjoy your bicycle riding Caeleb. I'll see you soon."

dairyqueenlatifah
Oh look, it's gone.

Working link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jGJxSky1fo

It must be scary as hell to grow up with parents like this.
Redford
Directly under the video there is a link that says "Update dead link". It is everyone's job to make sure all the stupidity on POETV stays here, forever.

Xenocide
The mom is so fucking creepy. She uses such calm, even tones to horrify her child into obedience.
MongoMcMichael
"Caleb, I'm your Other Mother."

Chalkdust
Haha, yes!

Billy the Poet
Sometimes I really do feel bad for the Jesus people. Most of their childhoods must have been horrific.
Yellow Lantern
Surely these "bicycles" of which you speak are just another form of Satan-approved MAGIC
Dread Pirate Roberts
You know, I'm compelled to return here and ask this question of everyone:

Couldn't the wizard just be using powers god gave him? Weren't Moses and Jesus basically wizards? They move oceans, raise the dead, transmutation of water, remove demons from people....

But it's okay because god is involved? Why can't Merlin be an English prophet that is helping his people with God's granted powers?


Or is that too much thinking for religious people?
SteamPoweredKleenex
I think it's more to do with the church (pick one, any one) not being able to even have its most "holy" members able to do a simple, verifiable miraculous act via their God's power and not needing to explain/justify even more made-up stories about people who can toss around lightning bolts and what have you.

dairyqueenlatifah
Thinking?

That's satan talk.

snothouse
I bet these people fucking love Narnia, though.
Cena_mark
What's wrong with magic? Friendship is magic.
Blue
I hear that after you watch season 2 you get to join a coven and if you get through season 3 you gain actual Magickal powers that allow you to get into that water park your friend works at for free or to have a friend drive you home from the airport. I know this one guy that somehow summoned a whole group of people to help him move.

Caminante Nocturno
In order to become a full-fledged member of the cult of friendship, you must sacrifice a cake at a birthday party. If you share the cake with enough friends, you can summon Princess Celestia.

Xenocide
Friendship is how Caleb got ahold of that satanic toy in the first place.

THESE PONIES ARE OF THE DEVIL.

Except Fluttershy.

dead_cat
Stay out of the Cult of Friendship! It will sap your abilities to talk to other people without being immensely creepy and off-putting.

memedumpster
About halfway to Iranian jihad cartoons.

"If you don't Jehovah to be sad, you have to take this bomb and blow up the Planned Satan Clinic."
Caminante Nocturno
You manipulative cunt and your punchable face.

When they say sad, they really mean mad.
big pincers
what a bitch of a mother. also, Jehovah doesn't really get sad in the bible. Jehovah gets angry and then he gets even.

And why the fuck call him Jehovah instead of God in the first place? Especially using a weird Minnesota accent on this one word. Thanks also to whoever pointed out her ghetto-Latino pronunciation of Satan
Riskbreaker
You know lady, you seem to have too much respect for a guy that spends more time hating his followers than loving them.
Gmork
THE SKY WIZARD TOLERATES NO PURPLE SIMULACRUMS
Maggot Brain
What a passive-aggressive bitch. The sexy Latino father from the first part can do better.
Screwtape
I always get a kick when EXTREME atheists dismiss belief in god as that "magic man" in the skies, but this is EXACTLY WHAT CHRISTIANS BELIEVE. They fucking BELIEVE in magic; that its real, has some effect, and that its evil.
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