"From the marketing visionary..."
Fuck this planet.
|American Standard |
Jesus Christ Christopher if you needed money you SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID SOMETHING
I'm not sure I like his take on Riff Raff.
Toni Braxton? Christopher Lloyd?
Jesus Christ, this is how you two choose to come out of hiatus?
|Jet Bin Fever |
I blame the parents.
I only survived that without a brain aneurysm by focusing on how much I want to jizz on Toni Braxton's tits, and how poorly Cary Elwes has aged. I can only see out of one eye, though
wow, they actually had the nerdy one going "IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT..."
thought that shit was some sort of screenwriting urban legend.
From the Oscar Nominated director of "Dancemaker" Matthew Diamond and the non-nominated director of "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place" Matthew Diamond.
It's depressing that it seems like this man is now a low-budget mimicry of his own previous work.
|WHO WANTS DESSERT |
Fuck you, modern kids. You thought that CGI getting popular would save you from awful, horrifying puppets but you were wrooong
Chazz Palmenteri is not a name I would immediately associate with "must have talent" for a children's movie.
Talent is measured by how much the actors willing to work for you need money.
I just now made it through to the end and saw the year. I thought this crap was from the mid-90's, not the present day. Have we learned nothing?
Also, the muppet-mutants have Popeye forearms.
Five for Lloyd in gold lame ruffles.
I see Elwes went ahead and had his face replaced with a plastic halloween mask graft.
I had to look him up just to be sure, and yes, he did play Jerry in Liar Liar.
What in the fuck happened?
|big pincers |
"Cloris Leachman as every nightmare you've ever had" was a good description. ALSO, when they said the movie is interactive I was hoping there are several key points in the movie where the audience has to scream, sing loudly, or perform some ridiculous action, otherwise the Oogieloves die terribly.
turns out "Interactive movie" to this marketing visionary means "uh yeah, please encourage your children to get up and be loud and shitty as possible during the movie!"
|The Mothership |
Stars for highly expensive failures.
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