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Comment count is 30
OxygenThief - 2012-07-05

I initially read the title as "How to Put Johnny Depp to Sleep"

Crackersmack - 2012-07-05

Xanax and vodka.

atleykins - 2013-03-15

I also read the title this way.

Binro the Heretic - 2012-07-05

Ten bucks says he puts himself to sleep with a blowjob from Johnny every night.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2012-07-05

My cousin Anthony was the most fucked up, stubborn kid I ever knew. Spanking him just made him do shit more. He would do the very same thing you spanked him for over again, just to spite you for spanking him for it and to prove to you your spankings didn't do SHIT.

When will these old fuckers learn that every kid is different and beating the shit out of them isn't always the answer?

Chalkdust - 2012-07-05

but sometimes it is?

memedumpster - 2012-07-05

Every human reacts to violence with some level of defiance, it's just some humans are easier to break than others. Christians prefer easy to break kids, as do most parents.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2012-07-05

As much as I hate to admit it, yeah, it works on some kids. Hell, it's the only thing that works on some kids.

Even still, if you actively wait for any excuse at all to beat a kid like this fucker, you deserve to be shot.

Binro the Heretic - 2012-07-05

My younger nephew has developmental disorders thanks to being raised by my horrible neglectful sister and his violent father for the first three years of his life. My parents and I are caring for him now, but it is exhausting and stressful.

Discipline literally will not work on him. His brain doesn't understand that if he alters his bad behavior, he won't be punished. He feels he should be allowed to do as he wants all the time and if you deny him that or punish him for misbehaving, you're just being mean to him.

If this poor child were in the hands of people like this, they would end up beating him to death.

memedumpster - 2012-07-05

I hit people who allow me to see them hit their kids. It never curbs their behavior, though, so I doubt them hitting their kids will work either.

Bort - 2012-07-06

Five stars for Binro being an upstanding guy, as always.

Is the video any good?

Anaxagoras - 2012-07-05

My wife was raised by parents like this. Except hers were more hateful.

Well, stars for a video making me angry.

snothouse - 2012-07-05


lordyam - 2012-07-05

im glad i wasnt the only one who caught that. i had one of those spit my drink outtakes when i heard that. five for evil

Jet Bin Fever - 2012-07-05


Robin Kestrel - 2012-07-06

How else are you going to catch him masturbating?

dead_cat - 2012-07-07

Well of course, Jet Bin. If their child isn't perpetually terrified of the people he depends on for his own survival popping in out of nowhere and whaling on him, he might misbehave when they aren't around to catch him!

If Johnny should sit up in bed after his monstrous parents go to sleep, he would be defying their orders! He might ultimately learn that he can get away with doing little disobediences that his parents won't notice, which could end with him growing up to be a normal, well-adjusted young man who doesn't have a pathological need for an abusive father-figure, much less the need to fill that need with a heaping helping of JEEBUS.

STABFACE - 2012-07-05

...Wait, this wasn't satire?


Koda Maja - 2012-07-05

Interesting timing for this submission. A University of Manitoba study just came out showing that corporal punishment increases the odds of people developing depression, behavioral disorders, and substance abuse problems as adults.

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1220487--childhood-spa nking-can-increase-adult-mental-health-disorders-study-says

Jet Bin Fever - 2012-07-05

This guy looks and sounds a lot like Shopdogsam. I wish it had been him too.

joelkazoo - 2012-07-06

NO! Don't you DARE compare Shopdogsam to this sick fuck!

Jet Bin Fever - 2012-07-06

Haha. When I said I wish it were him i mean just that. Sam is an awesome guy. He would've said something wise and wonderful with that puppet.

lordyam - 2012-07-09

i want to take my stars away :_(((((((((((((

lordyam - 2012-07-09

http://youtu.be/QTKOioS7Ppw makes you feel good'

lordyam - 2012-07-09

ps go fuck yourself

Caminante Nocturno - 2012-07-06

The canned, almost-mocking laughter really did a lot to enhance my sense of horror.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2012-07-06

No see, they're just emulating the many parables of the Bible where Jesus talked about beating children senseless.

dead_cat - 2012-07-07

Fuck this evil old shit, and fuck this asinine, child-destroying guide to parenting. I was raised by parents who took this even further, in that they would come up with excuses to hit me if I hadn't done anything bad lately (I was the compliant child), just because they needed to hit somebody. I'm STILL dealing with what this did to me.

My brother? They used to break wooden spoons over his backside, and it never even fazed him. They finally wrote him off as a lost cause because beating didn't make him behave, and they weren't going to try anything else. As a man, he is now a fucking nightmare, a walking bomb just waiting for an acceptable target to go off on, and one of these days, he's going to be charged with assault when he goes too far.

lordyam - 2012-07-09

i would hug you, free of charge... for the first one

dek863 - 2012-07-12

I was waiting for him to spank the puppet.

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