Broadcasting live from the Palace of Versailles for some reason.

Let's play count the "success." Actually, no, let's not.

True instant-story time: I've been watching a lot of the Onion's War For The White House videos, and they have the whole look and feel of cable news so nailed, and the actual content of Mitt's little talk is so cartoonishly plutocratic, that for the first fifteen seconds of this video, I wondered "how is the Onion doing this?"

PRESIDENTIAL SUCCESS INDEX

Being handed a boatload of advantages a birth because of your daddy's money and never having to work a day in your life to get ahead = SUCCESS

Being born the son of an single college student, making it into Harvard on the strength of your grades, clawing your way up from student to professor to organizer to senator to President = SOCIALISM, I GUESS

No wonder Obama hates success. He's never experienced it.

This shit with the Olympics is too much.....before he went to London, his campaign was like "Watch Romney totally enchant England and show Obama what it's REALLY like to be well respected and loved by an ENTIRE NATION ABSOLUTELY ENTHRALLED WITH HIM!!! The Olympics are truly for those of the world and for the world and only Sir Romney knows this. THE OLYMPICS ARE NOT COMPLETE UNTIL ROMNEY ARRIVES!"
Then he gets there, insults the UK, draws the ire of the public, the mayor of London, and the fucking Prime Minister, so now his campaign is all "SO WHAT THE FUCKING OLYMPICS ARE FUCKING GAY. ALL THAT MULTICULTURALISM."

He loves to try to do that thing Obama does where he stops mid-sentence to throw in a meaningless anecdote. He does that poorly too.

Mitt Romney's are people too, my friend.

He knows damn well why people are angry with his record. It's how he became successful at the expense of other Americans, countless workers, and he is doing everything he can to turn it around and paint himself as a hero. Fuck him and all his Mormon scum allies.

Funny thing about Marco Rubio. He earned his money in a new old money way. Marrying into it.

As you know, you go to elections with the candidates you have, not the candidates you might want or wish to have at a later time.

Marco Rubio was the only poor person in history to not expect rich people to give him stuff. The rest of us are just poor greedy assholes.

It's not your alleged "success" we hate, Mitt, it's YOU.

You are a self-important entitled asshole who thinks he's better than "common" people.

You hoard wealth in offshore accounts because you don't want to pay taxes to help keep this nation functioning. It doesn't do anyone any good out there. It just sits and rots. You keep sending your money there, though, because you and all the other rich assholes who do that hope to finagle one country or another into letting you bring it back onshore without taxing it.

You sit around and you spin your little webs and you think the whole world revolves around you and your money. Well, it doesn't, Mr. Potter Mr. Romney. In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you were nothing but a scurvy little spider.

Woah, said success so many times it sounds weird now..

Also props for simpsons-esque (when they were taken over by aliens) dialogue!