What would happen if you popped them all, right in front of him?

Turns out inflatophilia is an actual word.

He's going to be in for a heckuva shock one day! -drum hit-

They have inflatable blueberry suits. Cause of that movie.

Wow. What the fuck happened to YOU, guy?

It's OK, he's preserving his precious bodily fluids.

I've met people like this. I've always thought, compared to all the disgusting, perverted, repulsive, self-damaging, sexual fetishes out there, balloon lovers are almost laughably tame. It's like saying your most outrageously wild sexual fantasy is to hold hands. They're VERY shy and sensitive about it though. They buy most of their balloons online because they think if they buy balloons at a store everyone in the building knows what they're doing and why. If people in the store did know their first reaction would be, "What, that's it? All you do is blow them up and maybe pop them? You don't like... cram them up your butt or something?"