You see? I didn't even realize there were inexplicable farting noises in this scene thanks to the three fat nerds.
Why in the name of fuck are these movies so damn popular? Jesus, they are shit....
The Great Hippo
Barely. I dare you to figure out where half the characters are for most of the action sequences. The male hero seems to possess latent teleportation powers.
Nothing here makes any sense. Why did he throw his glasses at them? Why did the other guy catch them? Why is everyone spinning? Why doesn't weird blurry Agent Smith just use his magic flashy-powers and stab them in the back of their heads?
I'm all for bending credibility in service of the rule of cool, but this entire scene is just boring.
The Great Hippo
Jesus--in related videos, there's another scene where they're attacked by a monster with a big hammer. It's one of the most boring 'monster attacks!' scenes I've ever seen.
Sanest Man Alive
Aside from the fact that each sequel somehow pulls in MORE money than the last, these films appear to be really big outside the US; nearly three quarters of the last RE film's total revenue came from the overseas markets. So at least one of the shitty action film series out there today isn't entirely our fault.
What the hell, countries that aren't America?
They're cliche to the point of self parody.
The first movie had some moments. Ironically they were all BEFORE the zombies showed up. That's probably because up until that point it was cribbing Event Horizon, Anderson's only non-shit movie.
The newest movie seems to be distilled cliche essence.
it features this bad guy (who dies at the end of this movie) again, and every other badguy from the previous movies, and dead good charecters brought-back-as-badguys.
The trailer I saw featured these lines;
"This is the begining"
"Of the end"
mila; "Not if i can help it!"
it might be such high self-parody that it becomes art.
"it features this bad guy (who dies at the end of this movie) again,"
Wesker didn't die at the end of Afterlife. When Luther West reaches the end of a storm drain, you see Wesker parachuting to safety. Which presents quite the plot hole since Wesker was clearly standing infront of the bomb when the timer reached zero. But still, he didn't die thanks to zaney Anderson teleportation logic.
"and every other badguy from the previous movies"
Nope. Rain, One, and Carlos, while Umbrella soldiers, weren't villains. Ever. In fact, save for Wesker and the Red Queen, no villain from any previous film shows up in this one. At all.
So do they make these movies as cheaply as they can get away with, or is there really still no such thing as CGI that looks even vaguely believable?
|Billy the Poet |
Man, I'm going to have to check out this L. Ron Hubbard movie everybody's talking about.
Redlettermedia did a review of the series. http://redlettermedia.com/half-in-the-bag-the-resident-evil-series /
The preferred way to watch these movies is in 3D & verrry drunk & or stoned. The aforementioned hammer monster was actually just sitting outside the prison gates for a good chunk of the movie. Their brave plan to kill it consisted entirely of shooting it in the chest a few times with a 9mm... then they peed & ran inside.
I remember the second one had Jared Harris & featured the Nemesis: A 9 foot super zombie wearing a leather duster who needed a bazooka for some reason. I barely remember the third one except for Milla somehow gaining Dragonball Z powers & then promptly losing them again in this one. That's supposed to be Wesker up there btw; the, uh, "CEO of Umbrella"... :/
paul anderson must agree with you in regards to viewing while inebriated, its the only way the series' arc makes sense. civilization was destroyed in the 3rd one, then suddenly not. i think each movie is actually just meant to be a standalone envisioning of the director's own masturbatory fantasies, with some video game crap tacked on to give uniformity.
Now, I'm not the Anderson equivalent of a Boll Troll, but I am cursed with the ability to pay close attention to movies, no matter their caliber, and while I can make a concession that the Resident Evil films aren't high art, I'm not seeing these glaring plot holes most AVGN, TGWTG, and Phelos circle jerk fans keep espousing.
Well, I rewatched the first four films today just to make extra sure, and:
The biggest plot hole I hear is that Alice says in Extinction that the lakes and rivers dry up, and the Earth turns into a barren wasteland, but in subsequent films, that's ignored. No it fucking isn't. The only green in Afterlife is a pine forrest in fucking southern Alaska. The landing field for Arcadia? That's pretty much dead grass next to a beach. L.A.? Streets of rubble? Charred hills? Smoke and desolation everywhere? Pretty barren. And what about Tokyo in the beginning of the film? Sure, there's that flashback segment where stupid slow motion Japanese girl zombie eats a guy in the rain. Did I mention that's a flashback? But the very next time we see Tokyo, it's all destroyed and there aren't any pleasant trees or grassy knolls or coy ponds to be seen anywhere.
Also, to address some comments on here:
maggotlimbo: They shoot the axeman directly in the face because they don't want him breaking down the gate and letting the zombies in. The headshots don't phase him, so they try to barricade the gate with a car.
The Nemesis was given a rocket launcher in the movie because he had one in the game. Also, he was one of Umbrella's new biological weapons that was smart enough to wield weapons, and they were testing his combat capabilities. I'm not saying that's a well thought out plot, but he doesn't simply just have a rocket launcher for "some reason."
Alice doesn't abruptly gain DBZ powers in Extinction, either. The second film establishes that her cells fuse with the T-virus, and she gains super strength, super agility and speed, the ability to sense other organisms infected with the T-virus, and by the end of the film, she gains telekineses. Extinction clearly shows that since the second movie, she's been having trouble controlling her powers, and that, plus being hunted by Umbrella, is why she's been avoiding her friends. She doesn't even exhibit any new powers in Extinction. They're just stronger than they were in the 2nd film.
Wesker robs her of her powers in Afterlife because she's a clear threat to him and his people, and because he's started injecting himself with he T-virus to become like her anyway.
CJH: You said "civilization was destroyed in the 3rd one, then suddenly not." What???
The third film clearly establishes that, although civilization has collapsed, there are small groups of survivors banding together, and the Umbrella employees are still hold up in their bunkers. Nothing in Afterlife or Retribution contradicts this at all.
Sorry, guys. I get off on playing devil's advocate, I guess.
Hehe. Yeah. I mean, these silly films have corny dialogue and plots that really don't hold up to scrutiny, but they just aren't as inconsistent as self labeled Internet movie review hipsters try to claim.
dude do you totally remember in the first one when milla looked off-screen and caught the glimmer in paul ws anderson's eyes and was totally like, "you're the guy i want to be with forever and ever and ever"? that shit was AEWSOME
|Caminante Nocturno |
Wesker (that is Wesker, right?) was doing just fine until he decided to puke that hyralisk out of his mouth.
Also, why is Edger Allen Poe there? Did they clone him in order to help take over the world?
Wait, that sounds like something out of Read or Die, doesn't it?
The next one is supposed to be the last one. Shame, really...
Me and my friends go to our local AMC, get drunk at MacGuffin's (AMC's in-theater bars, that even let you take the booze inside the movie with you) and then go watch these.
It's a blast. We all love the video games and know the films are terrible, but it's just so much fun to watch how corny they get, especially the last two entries since EVERYTHING seems to be shot around, not importance to the plot, but "HEY PRODUCTION TEAM, HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS LOOK AWESOME IN 3D?!?!?!?" And they do have some of the greatest 3D action shots I've seen in films, not that that's saying much. The last two I've never seen in non-3D and I can't imagine them being anything but awkward to watch that way.
If you can sit back in a movie theater and watch a movie without taking it seriously, and can appreciate brainless technologically-upgraded 80s brand action sequences, the RE films are hilarious and well worth the price of admission.
You wouldn't think the movie version of Resident Evil could possibly have worse story, dialogue and performances than the games - but there it is on screen.
I have no idea why some of you get any fun from these movies, they are nerd matrxi-esque fan-fic movies with a budget. I don't need to see this as an excuse to get drunk.
Pretty much the dumbest moment in this movie is where Wesker somehow knows Clair and Chris are siblings (although, it's possible he could have gained that information from the scarab that was attached to Clair's chest?) and then says they're really cramping his style. He's just met Chris for the first time here. How can he and Clair have possibly been interfering with any of his fucking shenanigans? All in all, a fun, dumb movie.
The plot holes are mostly just people and monsters magically teleporting everywhere. Impenetrable door? Somehow there will be a monster in the room. Only one entrance to a room that's being watched? Somehow a monster/person will teleport into the room.
This scene had the worst instance. Wesker escapes this room, flies off in his escape plane, then is blown up by a bomb...someone put on his plane. None of the characters left the room the entire time, and they didn't even know anyone, let alone Wesker was on this ship before they go to the room. Someone just magically teleported the bomb there.
You could maybe, and I stress maybe, make the case that Clair and Chris found some kind of side access passage to the room Wesker and Alice were in. As for the bomb, yeah. It's really, really difficult to give the movie a benefit of a doubt on that one. I mean, Alice no longer had her powers, so it's not possible that she could have detected Wesker. My only guess is that at some point from when they leave Wesker for dead and when the plane starts to take off, there could maybe a few more minutes have passed than we've seen and Alice put the bomb in the plane then. But then, how did she know which plane Wesker was going to choose in the first place??? There are three or four.
All these movies have the exact same plot, no idea why you guys are busting your heads over this:
Alice teams up with mercenaries to fight Umbrella: lot's of wire-fu-slow-mo-bullet-time sequences. Cue to Slipknot or whatever is popular with kids. The End.
Just like Ultraviolet, these movies are great for anyone still dealing with puberty.
That's a little disingenuous, there. I'll preface this like I did my previous tirade by saying I know these films aren't super duper fantastic art. But....
Resident Evil: Alice has amnesia and, while being swept away by members of Umbrella's special task force, learns she was responsible for trying to expose the organization for its illegal activity. You might can possibly say the special task force consists of mercenaries.
Resident Evil Apocalypse: Alice wakes up in a post apocalyptic Raccoon City shortly after the events of the first movie and learns that she's an Umbrella test subject. She tries to help some cops, a news reporter, a token black civilian, and some Umbrella soldiers escape the city while at the same time rescuing a scientist's daughter.
Resident Evil Extinction: Civilization is all but destroyed, but Umbrella employees hold up in various bunkers across the planet trying to figure out how to either eradicate or domesticate the zombies so they can return to the surface and try to live normal lives again. The scientist tasked with domesticating the zombies is Dr. Isaacs from the second film, and he's trying to use the DNA of Alice clones to accomplish his goal. Unfortunately, he needs the real Alice, but becomes so consumed with his work that he ends up becoming a monster, instead. While this is going on, Alice is trying to evade capture while at the same time trying to protect her friends from the second film, which have baned together and are trekking across America searching for safety. No mercenaries here...
Resident Evil Afterlife: Alice has rescued her clones, and, tired of being pursued by Umbrella, takes the fight to them, attacking their headquarters in Tokyo. Wesker steals her powers and leaves her for dead, but she escapes and, thinking Wesker is dead, tries to find her friends from the third movie. She learns that the town they were searching for, Arcadia, is actually a barge, and ends up with a group of survivors hold up in an L.A. prison. Zombies inevitably break through, and the group tries to make it to the barge. Cue fight scene above. No mercenaries here....
Resident Evil Retribution: At the end of the previous film, Alice is knocked unconscious and kidnapped by Jill. She wakes up in Umbrella's prime testing facility, controlled by the Red Queen, who has decided the remnants of humanity and Wesker should both be exterminated after performing hundreds of tests to see how societies would turn on eachother given the chance to use Umbrella's bioweapons. Wesker sends a group of people to rescue Alice, because he needs her in the fight against the Red Queen. Not really any mercenaries here, either...
Blame the games for that one, Adham. Blame the games :P
Modern video games basically are interactive movies & yanking the controller away for an inferior experience is nothing but a cheap & cynical cash grab. I still say a 9 foot super zombie doesn't need a bazooka & Milla didn't just get faster & stronger; she fucking did a kamehameha at the beginning of Afterlife. But whatever. The discussion around this video was bound to be a self diagnosed Aspie circle jerk. I just noticed how much a scoop of icecream on a commercial looks like a scrotum.
|Adham Nu'man |
Jesus Fuck this fucking video ruined my day.
The best part of the video is definitely the end. Guys? I think he's dead. Um, guys? Y-you're still shooting. Um, okay. Your guns couldn't possibly hold that many goddamn... fine then.
Also: "Isn't my wife totally awesome, everybody? All I have to do is give her more and more badass superpowers in each one of these movies and I get TONS of blowjobs for it."
Wait. Where does she get "more badass powers" in each movie? She loses her powers at the beginning of 4th film (the same exact powers she had in the 3rd film) and doesn't get them back until the very end of the 5th film through some contrived plot device Anderson threw in because he probably thought he made a mistake. Regardless, who wouldn't want Milla blowjobs?
Holy shit, a lot of you people have not only seen these movies, but remembered what happened in them.
I am 5-starring the sheer numbers of comments.
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