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Desc:A man who owns a good portion of what Cold Steel sells shows off.
Tags:ninja, bottle, neckbeard, cold steel, fatswordsman
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Comment count is 56
jangbones - 2012-10-11
a poland spring salesman once reneged on a poker debt and the hatred has burned in his belly like a spicy burrito ever since
SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-10-11
Man, these PUA videos are just getting obnoxious.
freedoom - 2012-10-11
What, no neck beard tag?
Squeamish - 2012-10-11
duck&cover - 2012-10-12
Why does the ham attack the bottles? It is a sweaty mystery.

Doomstein - 2012-10-12

deadpan - 2012-10-11
Fatswordsman tag will link to most of his other videos here.
STABFACE - 2012-10-11
That brought a bit of joy to my heart.

Cena_mark - 2012-10-11
Nothing wrong with collecting swords, we all have our hobbies. Its just a good thing he has a hobby that gets him some exercise and sunshine.
spikestoyiu - 2012-10-11
Clearly it doesn't get him enough.

WHO WANTS DESSERT - 2012-10-11
buying things isn't a hobby

Cena_mark - 2012-10-11
WHO WANTS PEE PEE, Its called collecting. So that's two hobbies. 1. Collecting swords and 2. Using swords.

Killer Joe - 2012-10-11
I wonder how real Japanese sword guys (I guess they don't need to be Japaneses themselves) feel seeing this kind of thing. I can only imagine asian guys riding tired donkeys roping each other while they wear knockoff cowboys hats as a counterexample, and I find it funny more than anything.
Cena_mark - 2012-10-11
The Japanese aren't half-assed when it comes to their hobbies. When they play cowboys they do it with style.

dairyqueenlatifah - 2012-10-11
I think Killer Joe was joking, but Cena is correct. There are entire bars and clubs and cowboy organizations in Japan. In sociology, for some reason, we spent all this time learning about how Japan is super xenophobic and yet obsessed with duplicating foreign customs as hobbies. And they take it 100% seriously. Hell, the tv show Rawhide was actually popular in Japan. Who knew?

HarrietTubmanPI - 2012-10-11
Japanese Katanas are typically much sharper than anything mass produced or produced in a factory like cold steel products. Katanas are hand made through a very delicate process that has lasted for centuries.

The rating for sharpness for a Katana used to be how many people it could cut through before stopping. The number would usually go up to 5. A 'grade 5' Katana now would be over 0,000.

Old_Zircon - 2012-10-11
I'm guessing the average cold steel customer couldn't even afford a good Japanese chisel or sharpening stone (nor can I, one world-class chisel alone would set me back two months rent), much less know what to do with it.

Cena_mark - 2012-10-11
Cold steel provides good products without costing a fortune. I own a Paul Chen katana. It gets the job done and didn't cost the price of a house.

THA SUGAH RAIN - 2012-10-11
What fucking "job" are you "getting done" with a cold steel "katana"? You can't even mop a boat with one of those things.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-10-11
The job is virtual penis extension, pretty much.

Cena_mark - 2012-10-11
The job of training and cutting practice. And I have pruned trees and trimmed the hedges with it too.

And no kleenex, it does not do the job of a penis extender. That's what my .357 does.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-10-11
"Training?" For what? The hope that ninjas will invade your house?

And if you have a play-sword for practice without the use of a real one, what do you hope to do? Kick one of their real katanas out of their grip and then relish the moment?

It would appear to be an even less effective weapon, since it's preventing you from using your penis extension instead.

Cena_mark - 2012-10-11
Its a good sword, not a toy. Its quite sharp and wont snap because its good carbon steel. Its good for many situations. I mainly use it for exercise. I like martial arts and use them to keep fit.
Plus gun sword combos are effective. Pirates would use both.

Doomstein - 2012-10-12
Cold Steel makes a pretty good katana, actually. It's a bit heavy, but some people prefer a big beefy blade. Anyone starting out in Iaido who wants to also practice cutting rolled up tatami mats would be happy with a Cold Steel, but they cost over a grand last time I checked, and I'd be afraid of ruining it. In our school we started out with Paul Chen Practicals, Practical Pluses, and Cheness brand swords. They're inexpensive learning tools, and they take a real beating.

fedex - 2012-10-11
the music makes it
Doomstein - 2012-10-12
Because it's an internet video, it was either this or Evanescence. I'm glad he went with the classier option.

chumbucket - 2012-10-11
Flourishing hack job.
glasseye - 2012-10-11
Yeah. He's got a couple of decent cuts, but for the most part his technique is utter garbage.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-10-11
If he put half the work into his actual cutting as he did into his Inuyasha flourishes and re-sheaths... he'd still suck, but maybe not as much.

Doomstein - 2012-10-12
As a student of kogen itto ryu, I must concur. Though I must give him credit, most people can't perform Noto (re-sheathing) without banging the kissaki on the koiguchi for 18 minutes trying to find the hole without looking.

Rudy - 2012-10-11
I'm honestly surprised all his digits are still attached after all this time.
The Mothership - 2012-10-11
He still hasn't hacked up a boot full of meat. I'm waiting for that installment.
SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-10-11
Obvious fat joke setup is obvious.

glasseye - 2012-10-11
That's a Cold Steel joke, actually.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-10-11
It's both, actually. Y'see, Cold Steel would cut a boot full of meat, but this guy would... wait for it... make himself fatter by EATING it BEFORE he could cut it, y'see. Humor +10 for explaining it.

Nikon - 2012-10-11
Other people have made enough fat jokes. I had fun watching him cleave and split water bottles with swords and axes. The music worked really well. This was fun.
HarrietTubmanPI - 2012-10-11
Didya hear the one about the fat guy? He was fat.

pineapplejuicer - 2012-10-11
it's meaw fun when you can heaw his vawyce
sosage - 2012-10-11
This is essentially what Worf would be like if he were human.
Fur is Murder - 2012-10-11
absolutely lost my shit at the ninja costume.
glasseye - 2012-10-11
Likewise. Comedy gold.

The Mothership - 2012-10-11

tenten - 2012-10-12
Same here. Cracked me up.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2012-10-11
I'm glad he's on our side.
spikestoyiu - 2012-10-11
Meanwhile, in Africa...
THA SUGAH RAIN - 2012-10-11
5 million square miles of tropical rainforest?

BHWW - 2012-10-11
None of you fools relize how hard it is trying to live by the Code of Bushido! :hack, wheeze, rasp:
fermun - 2012-10-11
18 is my favorite. The way the gust of wind comes and blows his hair as he is posing after the cut. It is exactly what he was hoping would happen, I am sure. When he imagines himself making another video of cutting bottles, that is what he imagines every cut will be like.
Caminante Nocturno - 2012-10-11
It's the little flourishes he adds after each move that does it for me.
Jet Bin Fever - 2012-10-11
That pug shirt says BADASS.
Doomstein - 2012-10-12
Pure business.

Hank Friendly - 2012-10-11
SDAusmus - 2012-10-12
25-32, I was amazed that his twisting bullshit didn't land him on his ass.
Doomstein - 2012-10-12
Kind of a LJ, but this brings back a lot of memories.

While I was attending college, back in 2002-2006, I joined up with the University's kenjutsu club. The practiced style Was Sakurai-Ha Kogen Itto Ryu. The Soke of the school was this little old Japanese man named Sadao Kotaka. One of his top students, a former Marine, did most of the hands-on training of the beginners like myself.

I had been diagnosed with cancer in 2004 and just undergone surgery and subsiquent radiation therapy to remove my thyroid when I joined, and I thought it'd be a great way to get some exersize and meet some interesting people while my body adjusted to the Synthroid thyroid hormone replacement drugs.

It was tough going. My muscles were really weak from my levels being out of whack, but I began to get the hang of it. Iaido for an hour, kendo for two hours, japanese language and culture class for one hour, and Taiho-jutsu for the rest of the day till about 6pm. The training was long and pretty brutal, especially the kendo. We did suburi and keiko till we were ready to puke. Afterwards we'd always go out somewhere and party like it was our last day on earth. Train hard, party hard.

Anyhoo, we always had an open invitation to anyone who wanted to come train with us. And we managed to attract a lot of serious, talented martial artists, not to mention the many Japanese exchange students who'd come to help teach the language/culture class. Mostly though we'd get people like this guy, the Fat Swordsman. 300+ lbs of pure basement dwelling magic.

When you're learning Kenjutsu, like any martial art, you need to work on the fundamentals. The right way to stand, the right way to step, the right way to breathe, how to hold and use the sword properly, and of course, how and what on the body to attack. This involves grueling repetition. And over the years I've learned that gravy-ninjas HATE repetition. The mentality is "if they're not instantly amazing, and praised as being amazing, then fuck that shit".

9/10 of them don't make it past the first day. 5/10 of them bring some ridiculous stainless steel licensed movie replica to train with. One time a 300lb albino came to train with us. He snuck in a sword that hadn't been safety inspected by the teacher, and during iaido practice the blade snapped off at the hilt and ended up sticking out of the fucking wall, almost killing a poor girl named Alexis.

After three days of not keeping up with the other beginners, he thought he was Musashi and considered his training complete. After which he carried on like a jackass, even going so far as to issue a duel challenge to Alexis, of all people. (but that's another story)

So whenever I see guys like the gentleman in this video, I just kind of facepalm, because I'm pretty sure I know what he's thinking. He thinks that he has a natural martial arts talent. And he also likely has some sort of revenge fantasy rattling around in his pasty skull like oh so many delicious jellybeans.
The Mothership - 2015-01-11
Amusing story, and I'm glad you survived your cancer.

Spaceman Africa - 2012-10-16
Water bottles: "HE IS LEGEND"
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