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Desc:Paducah, become meguca.
Category:Advertisements, Business
Tags:advertisement, Everything is Terrible, EIT
Submitted:Caminante Nocturno
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Comment count is 20
Herr Matthias
Oh god, so many.

"The south side of Paducah is an up-and-coming area." (shows empty parking lot)

Your kids have many options for school, like St. Mary, St. John, St. Mary, St. Mary, or three different Christian Academies!

"Are there any fun things to do in Paducah? You bet there are! I'm always making lists, like this one, of things to pick up at the grocery!"
Herr Matthias
Oh, and also the "there's no reason to be hungry, we have national restaurants, ethnic restaurants, and two major hospitals" line

"All of your spiritual needs will be met by our churches!"

We also have both kinds of music, country and western.

A comedian I have since forgotten the rest of the act of said it best, "Paducah is the sound the plane makes as it's crashing there."

Every single thing this woman says is a lie.
I prefer to read the title as "Everything Is terrible, so you moved to Paducah..."
The Mothership
Golf wipe!
I've been to Paducah and yes it's all guns, churches, groceries and buffet style restaurants.
and executive-style subdivisions?

Jet Bin Fever
Paducah is easily accessible to all parts of the continental United States, just like everywhere else in the continental United States!
Herr Matthias
You see, on a map of the continental U.S. you can draw a straight line from any point to Paducah. Ergo, easily accessible.

It's not all bad, Wikipedia says they also have devastating ice storms in the winter, and suffocating heat and humidity in the summer.
Unmerciful Crushing Force
Being in Peducah is suffering.
Hay Belly
Needs a cocaine tag.
Hay Belly
sorry it's Kentucky needs a chrystal meth tag

Billy the Poet
I'm sorry, but my heart won't be content unless I'm allowed to keep a capybara in my yard.
If you have children, I'm sure you're interested in where they'll be attending school. We have -

Catholic elementary school.
Other Catholic elementary school.
Catholic middle school.
Catholic high school.
Baptist high school.
Other Baptist high school.
Methodist high school.

All of your spiritual needs will be met by our churches.

Are there any fun things to do in Paducah? Weren't you listening? There's a fuck load of churches and church indoctrination here. The closest thing we have to fun in this town is a tetherball pole at the park. Bring your culottes!
This really feels like a non sequitur from a Paul Verhoeven movie.
I fucking LOVE that commercial at the end.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I'm going to come to your town, Paducah, with a goddamn iguana on my shoulder. Whether you like it or not.
My god this delivers.
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