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Desc:Every single way in which Windows 8 is broken
Category:Science & Technology, Cartoons & Animation
Tags:Microsoft, Windows, Brian Boyko, not Gilbert Gottfried, usability
Submitted:fluffy
Date:12/27/12
Views:2909
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Comment count is 25
Leviathant - 2012-12-27
Two - now three minutes in and there's nothing about Windows 8 yet. I mean, he's ranting about Windows 8 and how he can't use it, but Windows 8 is Windows 7 with an overactive, now-full-screen Start Menu. Four minutes in, and still, not talking about Windows 8.

Fast forwarding, it sounds like this guy never got past the start menu. I'm down with disliking the Metro interface. But I use exactly two metro apps: weather, and some UPS/FedEx package tracker. Everything else I do on Windows 8 is exactly the same as Windows 7 but faster, and with better stuff that informs you of what's going on under the hood. Also, the queued file operations are a nice touch, in the rare instance where I've got more than one instance of file copying happening.

Every single person I've seen rant about Windows 8 being "completely unusable" comes across like an idiot to me. It's the year 2012, you're going to have to take the plastic shield off your engine if you want to work on it. It's really not hard, and if you can't figure that out, buy one of those computers that's glued together.
deadpan - 2012-12-27
So is Yahtzee's gimmick of talking fast over stick figures on a yellow background now the only way nerds know how to express criticism?
Xenocide - 2012-12-27
He even steals Yahtzee's little goblin icon things.

All I could think of when hearing this guy's voice was the fat nerd from Homer Goes to College. "I NEVER GOT TO PERFORM THOSE WINDOWS SPEED TESTS. I NEEDED THE OUTLET FOR OUR ROCK TUMBLER."

Blue - 2012-12-27
I want to do this for all those everyday things that people on infomercials can't do.

I can't floss my teeth it's terrible who designed this my hands are losing circulation because I took all the floss out of the dispenser and wrapped it around my arms in a tangled mess! Triple cunted hooker!

boner - 2012-12-27
This guy's a real moron, but that gets you some stars on poetv.
B_Ko - 2012-12-27
Somehow I knew this would make it out of the hopper then get shit on.

Anyways, yeah, the style of this video is an exact carbon copy of yahtzee's shtick, but I honestly agree with everything this guy said. See, I just bought a touchscreen computer with windows 8 and only had it for about 6 or 7 days before it crashed irreparably. Out of nowhere the touch screen stopped responding, then it got stuck in a boot loop with the error message "CRITICAL_SYTEM_DIED". I found out later that the cause of my crash was not a virus. It was an update for the touchscreen that was basically incompatible with itself that completely fucks everything. I was not some rare occurrence. This is apparently standard with touchscreen-enabled windows 8 computers.

And that is bullshit.
themilkshark - 2012-12-27
I'm sorry, why do computers suck so bad?

oswaldtheluckyrabbit - 2012-12-27
Hey, did you get a load of the nerd?

Nikon - 2012-12-27
Sorry that happened to you. I'm in the middle of buying a new computer. I'm going to insist the guy load Windows 7 onto it.

Hooker - 2012-12-27
Wow, this guy is not worth listening to.
Protoseth - 2012-12-27
I have several friends that work in tech repair and recovery fields, from home user support to big-ish businesses (none of them being Bestbuy employees), and each and every one of them is dreading the day this OS becomes the norm.

Also, wasn't the head of the Windows 8 team already fired?
Nikon - 2012-12-27
Yes.
http://www.brianmadden.com/blogs/brianmadden/archive/2012/11/1 3/microsoft-s-man-in-charge-of-creating-windows-8-steven-sinofsky- was-fired-today-is-it-because-windows-8-sucks-so-bad.aspx

paranex - 2012-12-27
It's really, really annoying when Linux dorks literally make shit up about Windows products. These are the same people who swear Arch Linux is so easy Grandma can use it, but ZOMGZ WINDOWS IS USER-HOSTILE!!!
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2012-12-28
Wait, you're saying that Linux fanboys started the rumor that there are problems with Windows 8? Very amusing, Mr. Wilde!

Personally, I haven't used Windows since XP, so I couldn't possibly have an opinion, but like I've already said before, Linux users reacted exactly the same way when Linux developers forced sweeping new changes to popular desktop environments. Unlike software developers, people don't like change. And this idea of having a smart phone interface on your desktop (which is what Windows 8 looks like to me) did not go over well when ubuntu switched to Unity.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2012-12-27
Three minutes of preamble might make sense for a 23 minute video. I can't really say because watching a 23 minute video about an operating system I'm not going to use makes no sense at all.


Does anybody want a desktop that looks like a smart phone? Developers sure seem to think we need one. I use Linux, and the Linux community is also obsessed with finding the perfect GUI interface. I blame Apple, and the fucking WOW FACTOR! The idea is that the tools that we use to do all our work have to be constantly fresh and novel. It keeps these guys employed, but its insanity for the end user. The truth is that people on both sides get way too excited about where to put the buttons that launch the applications. Windows 8 looks horrible, but if the buttons launch the applications, that's the essential thing.

Based on my experience with KDE4 and Gnome 3, my best guess is that the designers knew what they were doing, and (once you've changed your work habits to accommodate the technology) Windows 8 is perfectly usable. You may even save a few clicks.

Does anybody else watch "Burn Notice"? The season finale had the most horribly obvious product placement I've ever seen.. The show stopped while the actors taught us how to use the interface.
StanleyPain - 2012-12-27
This guy is sort of annoying (and his desperate HIRE ME PLEASE vibe is a little off putting) But he makes absolutely spot on points here. I played with a Windows 8 computer for about 30-40 minutes and I was astounded at how awful it was. Considering the Metro interface thing was originally debuted on Windows Phones and Xbox Live, I would assume there would be some continuity to those interfaces, which are not confusing at all, but there is none. This thing is like something decided to design a stereotypical OMG WE ARE IN TEH FUTAR interface from some sci-fi movie and then decided not to have it function in the same way as the two previously made incarnations except in very basic, loose ways. While it is possible with tweaking to make it more user friendly, it is an extremely wrongheaded GUI in the worst possible way. With a touchscreen, it's passable, but having to reach up and touch your fucking monitor every 5 minutes to do something you used to be able to to with minimal effort on a mouse and keyboard is frustrating in the extreme.
Caminante Nocturno - 2012-12-27
Despite shamelessly ripping of Yahtzee, he's still right. Windows 8 looks like something off of a toddler's pretend computer, and works about as well.
Zoot42 - 2012-12-27
This guy is terrible, he's super hyperbolic and is desperately trying to be funny but failing miserably the whole time.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2012-12-29
See, my linux experience makes me think that he's not being hyperbolic so much as pissed off. I read a shitton of reviews like this about KDE4 and Gnome 3. Geeks (and I include myself here) pride themselves on being masters of technology, and when tech forces change on them, their sense of self is threatened, and they resent it immensely.

There's a difference. One reason why I'm no longer trying to get everyone I know to use Linux is because Linux is "technology-driven", and that means that the developers are always right, and can force any sweeping change they like. To developers, the fact that something has always been done a certain way is not a reason to not change. Windows is "market-driven", and that means that, in theory, the customer is always right. The near-monopoly status of Windows for the PC gives MS some power, but if the market rejects Windows 8, Microsoft will respond.

But I can't say categorically that Windows 8 won't have its advantages once everybody gets used to it. KDE4 is not as bad as I thought it was. I'm using it right now.

CIWB - 2012-12-27
This guy is terrible, but the stars are for the Windows 8 trainwreck. The only capable defense of it by Microsoft fans seems to be that "you can just ignore the new stuff and use it like Windows 7". Which isn't exactly a ringing endorsement. I'm using Windows 7 until my PC dies, then switching to Mac.

And the "charms bar"? WTF.
StanleyPain - 2012-12-27
It's for your, you know, charms.

SteamPoweredKleenex - 2012-12-27
Welcome to a world where nearly every actual word has been trademarked and the perceived need to own every goddam pixel on a computer's display runs rampant.

Cena_mark - 2012-12-27
He's such a whiney nerd and he does stuff like that game reviewer guy. 5 STARS!
Maru - 2012-12-29
He makes good points.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2012-12-29
OKAY, I WATCHED IT!

I think it's really good. Apparently, he appropriated the format from someone, but he uses it to be fast moving, lucid, and entertaining. He's remarkably specific.

The important thing to note is that he gave up after a half-hour. Therefore, this is a a review of learning Windows 8, not using Windows 8. It's valid, but it's not the whole picture. When it comes to interfaces "hard to learn" often means powerful and therefore "easy to use".

My question is: are these two interfaces "metro" and "desktop" running at the same time? If you can still run the traditional desktop without all that crap, I don't see much of a problem.
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