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Desc:Big Bird! Maroon 5! Bishop Desmond Tutu! This keynote has EVERYTHING!
Category:Science & Technology, Humor
Tags:big bird, ces, steve ballmer, CEO, Qualcomm
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Comment count is 14
5 for the evil of thinking this is how you talk to consumers.
If you're into train wrecks I highly recommend watching the whole thing, or at least the agonizing intro segment with the three Generation M-ers:


That guy
Tutu really sold out, man.
Microsoft isn't doing the keynote this year, so we're going to do Microsoft's keynote for them. Let's bring out Ballmer!
You know you're in trouble when the audience is all, "Thank God, STEVE BALLMER is here!"

Holy fuck. But I gotta say they have a nice cafeteria.
Don't forget that the livestream apparently didn't have the rights to play Maroon 5 (I didn't even know they still existed!) so they cut the audio feed and played Dido over it!

And the really violent and totally out of place clip from Blade!

And the actress from Star Trek who just looked like she wanted to be *anywhere* but on that stage!

And how the audience was so not into it you could almost hear crickets chirping for like 75% of the debacle. (I swear I actually heard one after the Big Bird outsourcing joke)

I'm still kinda not sure this actually happened and thinking that maybe the whole thing was some kind of collective acid flashback or Qualcomm testing their new mind control chip they've been secretly including in phone chipsets.
The Mothership
what's a ces and why are these awful people talking nonsense? 5 stars.
Isn't every major corporation's keynote presentation a trainwreck like this? I think they have to trot out agonizingly unhip actors to do their high school-quality play or it doesn't get to be a keynote. I'm pretty sure that's what makes it a keynote. Bad actors patronizing the entire audience.
Don't forget immense amounts of CEO ego stroking.

Ballmer is slowly transforming into Matt Foley.
Jet Bin Fever
This might even be better than the MS-DOS rap. Holy mother of god.
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