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Desc:A horrible video by a horrible person.
Category:Accidents & Explosions
Tags:youtube, annoying, white people, EDITING!, attention seekers
Submitted:Old_Zircon
Date:02/06/13
Views:2347
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Comment count is 38
Hooker - 2013-02-06
I like how the music stops every time there's comedy. That helps me find it.
chumbucket - 2013-02-06
It made me find a chair.

wackyakmed - 2013-02-06
Manic pixie dream girl really doesn't suit guys very well.
Callamon - 2013-02-06
My gaydar started going off a few seconds in, definitely of the two beer variety.
MongoMcMichael - 2013-02-06
"Welcome to Wonderland. Population: you."

Void 71 - 2013-02-06
Things Girls Should Know About Barely Closeted Twinks

sjohnson301 - 2013-02-06
I wonder if those wristbands are from a youth hostel, last night's frat party, or both? Also yes, gaydar.
StanleyPain - 2013-02-06
THis sounds like a comedy routine some "Christian" comedian would lay out on a crowd of youth pastors or something.
James Woods - 2013-02-06
Hahaha spot on,.

James Woods - 2013-02-06
Five for that special annoying brand of evil.

The gaydar thing though, sure he seems kind of effeminate, but is it really fair to say you know he's gay but he doesn't? How would you feel if people thought you just weren't brave enough to be honest with yourself? Ah, just kidding, he's faaaabulouuuuuus.
Old_Zircon - 2013-02-07
I didn't pick up on the gayness until after I submitted it and at first it made me feel a little bad for him, but then I watched the rest of the video. Being a closet case is emotionally difficult, sure, but that's not what makes you do stuff like this video. Being a narcissistic dpouchebag is what does that.


Plus Dan Savage says it's totally cool to make fun of closeted adults.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-02-06
I don't see why this guy cares what girls think about him, unless he needs a beard or something.
Binro the Heretic - 2013-02-06
Translations:

- "It's honestly best to just straight-up tell us what you want."
Your interests are entirely unimportant to me and I don't
want to put any effort into learning about you as a person.

- "Guys just zone out and it's not that we don't care what you're talking about"
I don't care what you're talking about.
You shouldn't take it personally, though, because I don't care
what anyone other than me is talking about.

- "Guys cry sometimes."
Even though I don't care much about you as a person, I want
you to be attentive to my emotional needs.

- "If you ever find yourself in a situation where you don't know what to talk about with a guy, just gossip."
For God's sake, avoid talking about yourself, your hopes,
your fears, your interests, anything related to yourself.
Tell me what people other than you are up to.
Also, I am so far in the closet, I'm finding Christmas presents.

- "Please, PLEASE, do not talk about your ex-boyfriends."
It bothers me to know you existed before I met you.
Also, I find myself thinking of his penis and it fills me with
feelings of dread and arousal that I don't want to confront...
not yet.

- "How about you focus on being a little quirky and funny."
You know, like those ladies on 'Sex and the City'?
After all, you're just an accessory for me. you should be
more interesting and make me look better.

- "If a guy teases you, it means he likes you."
I need you to build up an immunity to my abuse.
See, when I marry you to prove to everyone, including
myself, that I am 100% hetero, I'll be unleashing a real
torrent of bitter, venomous criticism and if you're numb to
it, you won't leave me...or set the bed on fire while I'm
passed out drunk in it.

- "We don't want a girl that looks like this...but we also don't want a girl that looks like this."
I will never find your body attractive and I need
convenient excuses to explain why I won't have sex with
you. You will always be too fat, too thin, too smelly, have
a bad haircut or have too much cellulite.

- "Guys love food."
Okay, you know what? I'll give the kid this one.
Of course, women like food, too, so remember to
reciprocate, guys.

- "We're not trying to be mean if we ask you to make a sandwich. We just really like your sandwiches."
ATTEND TO MY NEEDS, BITCH!
(Damn it, dude. You almost got one without fucking it up)

- "Guys don't mind if girls don't dress up every day."
This one is tricky because, like the food thing, it's technically
true. When we love a woman, it doesn't matter how she
dresses or what she looks like. HOWEVER, in this case,
it likely means 'I don't care what slinky little thing
you picked up from Victoria's Secret, its not going to
turn me on.'

Kid, look, it's the twenty-first century. Homosexuality doesn't carry the same social stigma it used to. You owe it to yourself and to any woman you ever try to have a relationship with to seriously examine yourself and what you really, really want in life.

Or, maybe the kid isn't gay and in denial. Maybe he's just a totally self-absorbed asshole.

Or, Hell, he could be both.
FABIO - 2013-02-06
Binny dating advice (tee hee): Open up with a half hour discussion of all your ex's in order to weed out all the SHALLOWS that don't love you as an honest person.

Binro the Heretic - 2013-02-06
Well, yeah, there are limits, but people shouldn't be forbidden from ever, EVER bringing up their past love interests. It could also prove useful in helping avoid pitfalls that sank past relationships.

And in this case, not wanting a woman to talk about her exes is just another indicator of how narcissistic this guy is.

Old_Zircon - 2013-02-07
I've never understood that one. I don't care about hearing about a girlfriend's past boyfriends or girlfriends. Hell, if they're cool sometimes I end up being friends with them myself. If you care about someone why wouldn't you want to know about their past? And if you don't care about them, why would you care about their past? In either case, unless they're specifically bringing it up to cast you in a negative light or something comparable, how could it possibly be an issue (and even in that case, it's not the real issue)?

FABIO - 2013-02-07
Does this need explaining?

Do you end every sex session asking how you stacked up against all her ex's? Well why not if you care about her and want to know all about her past while molding yourself into the perfect mate?

Right now you're making an objectivist's argument for personal relationships. There's detached roadmap logic, and there's emotional subtext. Guess which applies more to dating?


(this video maker is still a prick though)

Gmork - 2013-02-07
My girlfriend's ex husband fixes my PC and does my taxes, is older and makes way more money than me.

..yet I have had absolutely zero feelings of jealousy, awkwardness, etc based on their previous bond. Couldn't feel even the least bit intimidated talking to this guy if I tried.

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-02-07
Anecdotal evidence!

chumbucket - 2013-02-07
Yeah my last girlfriend wasn't real happy about the fact that I was still married.

Binro the Heretic - 2013-02-07
Damn, Fabio, what kind of women do you go out with? I mean, if they're constantly telling you how you suck compared to their past boyfriends...

It's not so bad once in a while to hear your partner say their ex was a thoughtless prick compared to you or, for example, that their ex was really into reggae and thus they can't stand reggae to this day.

Old_Zircon - 2013-02-08
Fabio, what in the world are you talking about and how did you get there from what I said? Show your work.

jreid - 2013-02-06
Say 10 words, slide chair to the left. Say 10 words, slide chair to the right.
baleen - 2013-02-07
I am going to beat the fucking shit out of this man if I ever see him.
Jet Bin Fever - 2013-02-07
call me up bro. I'll hold him down.

poopy - 2013-02-07
urge to kill: rising

Innocent Bystander - 2013-02-07
Okay, the preload image is more than enough for me.
Spaceman Africa - 2013-02-07
I want to spit bile onto his face
Xenocide - 2013-02-07
I'm glad he worked "make me a sandwich" in there. It's really important that women know that men want a sandwich.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-07
I want to stomp pn his face, .... and then make JAZZHANDS!!!!

Self absorbed bastard? Horrible person? Closet case? I have no way of knowing, but, my goodness, he sure makes terrible videos! He seems like a male version of iJustine, or, as i like to call her, ihateJustine. She was the first person I subscribed to, (because she was pretty) and also the first person i ever unsubscribed from (because she was annoying.) But even iJustine never did the goofy voices.

The worst part is that it's so slick. Either this kid or someone close to him has access to fancy editing software and knows how to use it. That annoying. stop the music trick is perfectly executed, even though in this case all it does it highlight the kid's shitty comic timing.

Or maybe the worst part is that the youtube response to his videos is overwhelmingly positive. I tell myself that it really shouldn't piss me off so much; it's no skin off my nose. He may be a nice kid, and this may be good advice, and it may be that high school kids have grown up watching so many fucked up jump-cut addled youtube atrocities that this doesn't seem so desperately cloying to them... but then i tell myself that if this is normal to the next generation of high school kids, that's something I really SHOULD be pissed off about, if i want to leave behind a world where any taste exists at all. And once again my blood boils, and i close my eyes and I see STOMP/JAZZHANDS!



I 'm just going to try to forget that i ever saw this.
FABIO - 2013-02-07
Not sure I'd call Windows Movie Maker fancy.

Old_Zircon - 2013-02-08
Yeah, I think it would take about 4 hours of editing experience to reach the skill level needed to make a video like this. 8 if you didn't have a tutorial. Video editing is pretty easy as long as you aren't doing any compositing or anything. He probably uses a pirated copy of Vegas, which is easier to use than Microsoft Word.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-02-14
If you used Linux like I do, you probably would.

I dunno, i could probably do this with kdenlive if I would read the tutorial. but I never do, and if it meant turning out stuff like that, i don;'t see why i should.

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-02-07
This guy is going to be really embarrassed by this video when he grows up.
chairsforcheap - 2013-02-07
yes. yes he will be.

Koda Maja - 2013-02-07
That statement covers a good 90% of Youtube.

Quad9Damage - 2013-02-07
Things Girls Should Know About Guys:

Not all of us are like this dude, and thank the fuck Christ.
memedumpster - 2013-02-07
Yes, this video teaches girls tons about guys, unfortunately. I also would like to say that I don't think this dude is gay, since I can't imagine any girl wanting to be around him even then, and that is biologically impossible.
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