I like how the music stops every time there's comedy. That helps me find it.

Manic pixie dream girl really doesn't suit guys very well.

My gaydar started going off a few seconds in, definitely of the two beer variety.

I wonder if those wristbands are from a youth hostel, last night's frat party, or both? Also yes, gaydar.

THis sounds like a comedy routine some "Christian" comedian would lay out on a crowd of youth pastors or something.

Five for that special annoying brand of evil.

The gaydar thing though, sure he seems kind of effeminate, but is it really fair to say you know he's gay but he doesn't? How would you feel if people thought you just weren't brave enough to be honest with yourself? Ah, just kidding, he's faaaabulouuuuuus.

I don't see why this guy cares what girls think about him, unless he needs a beard or something.

Translations:

- "It's honestly best to just straight-up tell us what you want."
Your interests are entirely unimportant to me and I don't
want to put any effort into learning about you as a person.

- "Guys just zone out and it's not that we don't care what you're talking about"
I don't care what you're talking about.
You shouldn't take it personally, though, because I don't care
what anyone other than me is talking about.

- "Guys cry sometimes."
Even though I don't care much about you as a person, I want
you to be attentive to my emotional needs.

- "If you ever find yourself in a situation where you don't know what to talk about with a guy, just gossip."
For God's sake, avoid talking about yourself, your hopes,
your fears, your interests, anything related to yourself.
Tell me what people other than you are up to.
Also, I am so far in the closet, I'm finding Christmas presents.

- "Please, PLEASE, do not talk about your ex-boyfriends."
It bothers me to know you existed before I met you.
Also, I find myself thinking of his penis and it fills me with
feelings of dread and arousal that I don't want to confront...
not yet.

- "How about you focus on being a little quirky and funny."
You know, like those ladies on 'Sex and the City'?
After all, you're just an accessory for me. you should be
more interesting and make me look better.

- "If a guy teases you, it means he likes you."
I need you to build up an immunity to my abuse.
See, when I marry you to prove to everyone, including
myself, that I am 100% hetero, I'll be unleashing a real
torrent of bitter, venomous criticism and if you're numb to
it, you won't leave me...or set the bed on fire while I'm
passed out drunk in it.

- "We don't want a girl that looks like this...but we also don't want a girl that looks like this."
I will never find your body attractive and I need
convenient excuses to explain why I won't have sex with
you. You will always be too fat, too thin, too smelly, have
a bad haircut or have too much cellulite.

- "Guys love food."
Okay, you know what? I'll give the kid this one.
Of course, women like food, too, so remember to
reciprocate, guys.

- "We're not trying to be mean if we ask you to make a sandwich. We just really like your sandwiches."
ATTEND TO MY NEEDS, BITCH!
(Damn it, dude. You almost got one without fucking it up)

- "Guys don't mind if girls don't dress up every day."
This one is tricky because, like the food thing, it's technically
true. When we love a woman, it doesn't matter how she
dresses or what she looks like. HOWEVER, in this case,
it likely means 'I don't care what slinky little thing
you picked up from Victoria's Secret, its not going to
turn me on.'

Kid, look, it's the twenty-first century. Homosexuality doesn't carry the same social stigma it used to. You owe it to yourself and to any woman you ever try to have a relationship with to seriously examine yourself and what you really, really want in life.

Or, maybe the kid isn't gay and in denial. Maybe he's just a totally self-absorbed asshole.

Or, Hell, he could be both.

Say 10 words, slide chair to the left. Say 10 words, slide chair to the right.

I am going to beat the fucking shit out of this man if I ever see him.

Okay, the preload image is more than enough for me.

I want to spit bile onto his face

I'm glad he worked "make me a sandwich" in there. It's really important that women know that men want a sandwich.

I want to stomp pn his face, .... and then make JAZZHANDS!!!!

Self absorbed bastard? Horrible person? Closet case? I have no way of knowing, but, my goodness, he sure makes terrible videos! He seems like a male version of iJustine, or, as i like to call her, ihateJustine. She was the first person I subscribed to, (because she was pretty) and also the first person i ever unsubscribed from (because she was annoying.) But even iJustine never did the goofy voices.

The worst part is that it's so slick. Either this kid or someone close to him has access to fancy editing software and knows how to use it. That annoying. stop the music trick is perfectly executed, even though in this case all it does it highlight the kid's shitty comic timing.

Or maybe the worst part is that the youtube response to his videos is overwhelmingly positive. I tell myself that it really shouldn't piss me off so much; it's no skin off my nose. He may be a nice kid, and this may be good advice, and it may be that high school kids have grown up watching so many fucked up jump-cut addled youtube atrocities that this doesn't seem so desperately cloying to them... but then i tell myself that if this is normal to the next generation of high school kids, that's something I really SHOULD be pissed off about, if i want to leave behind a world where any taste exists at all. And once again my blood boils, and i close my eyes and I see STOMP/JAZZHANDS!



I 'm just going to try to forget that i ever saw this.

This guy is going to be really embarrassed by this video when he grows up.

Things Girls Should Know About Guys:

Not all of us are like this dude, and thank the fuck Christ.

Yes, this video teaches girls tons about guys, unfortunately. I also would like to say that I don't think this dude is gay, since I can't imagine any girl wanting to be around him even then, and that is biologically impossible.