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Desc:00 for a crippled 32GB laptop with no USB? Wheeeeeeeee!
Category:Science & Technology, Humor
Tags:google, Chrome, Google is smoking crack, chromebook, overpriced bullshit
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Comment count is 48
Oh hey, I was wrong about the "no USB" part. I forget which of those tech blogs printed that, but they updated it after I submitted.
I'd have plenty to say about why this is shit from a design perspective but instead I'm just going to recommend "Living With Complexity" by Donald A. Norman.

http://www.amazon.com/Living-Complexity-Donald-A-Norman/dp/026 2014866
Notice they call it a "product" not a "tool."

The "tool" would be the person who buys one.

Syd Midnight
I am pissed at how they killed off netbooks, only to replace them with tablets that have no keyboard and can't run Windows. Not enough profit margin on a 0 netbook that can do what a 0 laptop can. I'm still using an old Aspire One with more mods than Robocop because I need a 10" laptop and don't have 00 for a sleek ultrabook that does what a 0 laptop does.

Looks like the next step is a ,300 laptop that can't do what a 0 laptop does but looks pretty. At least Apple products can perform.

ps. Not sure how to rate this, but I suppose it is fairly evil and will be good for a giggle in 3 years
I like this myself, though I'd also like to be wealthy enough to buy it as frivilously as most macbook pro owners do.


or this


same price as chromefluff but an actual powerful windows computer in a tablet with 256gig ssd

To be fair, most netbooks couldn't run windows either. I have a Toshiba netbook that was worthless until I put Linux on it. Now I can actually multitask multimedia stuff.

Syd Midnight
You can mod them, I swapped an 8 gb SSD for a 120Gb, anyways the Atom can run Windows 7 32-bit well, and can surf the internet well enough. I just hate having to build one out of a tablet, netbooks filled a niche I need, bigger than a phone but smaller than a laptop and with a real keyboard.

They've out apple'd apple! Bravo, Google!
Who cares what it does. It's a work of fucking art and you love our brand appeal soo... ::fart::

John Holmes Motherfucker
I bought a refurbished dual core Dell Latitude Laptop for 70 dollars on Ebay. Adding a 500 GB harddrive, a 12 Cell battery, 4 GB of RAM, and 0pensuse 12.2 brought the total cost up to about 250 dollars.
I'm using a secondhand HP Pavilion that's about 4 years old. This thing is (on paper) slightly underpowered compared to the HP, and that's setting aside the lack of storage and connectivity.

If it were priced to compete with the Kindle Fire (which should really be under itself) it would be fantastic.

This stuff is all made with what amounts to slave labor, the least they could do is pass the savings on to us, right?

JHMF, you should really consider saving up some cash and getting a System76. I bought the base version of their desktop and it is FUCKING SWEET. It's noteiceably faster than my MacBook that has almost identical hardware. Programs load instantly, even under Ubuntu. I loaded up Nautilus and ran a file management script and the icons disappeared so fast. After about a week I realized I don't even have to rice this fucker with a Gentoo install because there's no point.

I have a Sony Vaio laptop that cost I don't know how much because work bought it for me.

Oscar Wildcat
Can I run Microsoft Windows on it?
No, just ChromeOS or a couple of Linux distributions.

Oscar Wildcat
Say, you might want to goose your sarcasm detector up a bit there (wink).

John Holmes Motherfucker
It seems to me that if this is an ARM device (as opposed to the traditional PC x86 architecture), you may be able to run Windows 8 on it in the future.

Jet Bin Fever
Windows 8 sucks a big fat penis.

Windows 2000 is still the best Windows.

Incidentally, it's also the only version of Windows that actually performs well with solid state drives. I guess 7 does OK too.

So it costs about as much as a nice MacBook or fully featured PC laptop, yet only runs web apps and shit?
Didn't you hear the shit about how few lines it has?

John Holmes Motherfucker
Webapps are bullshit.

Oh wait, I guess I didn't read the right tech articles about this thing. NOW I understand why almost every tech journalist is giving this thing sloppy blowjobs all over the fucking place:
See...it has a really, REALLY nice screen!

Oh, and it's well built.


Web apps CAN be useful, but I think they're best when they work with non-web apps, usually to let me get at things when I'm not at my main computer. I might type something out on Google Docs when I'm not at home, but it's eventually going to get downloaded into Word on my local drive.

I hate this trend away from installing actual apps on your actual home computer. I'd rather not pay a monthly fee to use office or photoshop.

Oscar Wildcat
What you say? It's got LESS SCREWS, damnit! In fact, none at all. Why would you ever want to open the box?

John Holmes Motherfucker
If you want to access stuff away from your main computer, I strongly recommend Dropbox. Webapps can be useful when they're about networking. Word processing on the web? Hahahaha fuck you. I'll use a pencil first.

In my 20th century life, I was never especially technical. Migrating to Linux was a huge painful frustrating hassle for a long time, but this is exactly the reason why I did it. The Linux developers are habitual fixers of the unbroke, and not easy to live with. I stopped trying to get all my friends to switch a long time ago. But they're not going to roll over for this crap.

I had to use Google docs for work for over a year and I'm perfectly comfortable saying that it has literally no redeeming qualities.

Oh Google, you never stop being the justification for a hatred of nerds and technology. One day sonnets will be written about the day you were all burned at the stake in a tantalum reclamation pit, oh how we'll laugh.
I just read a review of this thing on Wired:

"Google throws in 1TB of free Google Drive storage for three years. Buying this much Google Drive storage would cost more than the most expensive Pixel ( per month over three years is ,800)."

And after that three years? I bet they just let you keep having it for free, right?
Jesus. I paid 0 for my 2 TB external hard drive, and I don't have to worry about Google mining my data, hackers stealing it, or network failure rendering it inaccessible. All I gotta worry about is not dropping soda all over it and I'm good to go, from now until whenever I decide to buy a better one.

It really costs you fifty bucks a MONTH for that crap?!

A touchscreen lapton that you can't reverse the monitor on and runs nothing. Hmm.
Wow. Just, wow.


Google and I have not been on speaking terms since they instituted mandatory porn censorship.

We've had a strained relationship for years, starting with her Chinese affair back in '06. It's only gotten worse. Data mining, Streetviewgate, Youtube, ads, data mining, more ads, involuntary G+ signups, more data mining, Pseudonymgate, Google's support for the "Cloud Computing Revolution" (or, as I like to call it, "Serfdom 2.0: Take Your Means of Production and Shove It"), the 2010 attempt to stand up to China that folded as soon as the blogosphere stopped watching and cheering their corporate god-queen. After SOPA, I thought, maybe Google was on her way back. The smart, quirky Google that first captured my heart that one hazy summer long ago, making me forget all about Yahoo and AltaVista and Profusion and whatsherface, the one with the dog, sweeping me off my feet with her girl-next-door sexiness and down to earth, no-bullshit demeanor. Sure, Google only stood up to Old Media out of her own mercenary self interest, but Google is GOOGLE, right? She's not evil! We can go to couples counseling. Have a trial separation. I'll work on my issues, she'll work on hers, and one day, maybe a year from now, we'll see about giving it another go. For the kids' sake, if nothing else.

After watching this, though? Fuck it. It's over. I'm changing my phone number and moving in with DuckDuckGo. Duckie may have a tiny apartment, Duckie not speak much English and she has some problems with the INS, but SHE RESPECTS ME AS A CONSUMER AND AS A GODDAMN HUMAN BEING, GOD DAMMIT.

If Google wants to be the next Apple, she can fuck off and do it WITHOUT Evil Homer, Male, Single, Caucasian, Age 25-30, College Educated, Preferred Search Terms: Illuminati Reptilians Gangstalking Sailor Moon Tentacleporn Cosplay.
"We wanted to make the hardware disappear!" Yeah, well, you did that.


Taking all the porn out of Google Image Search was a staggering blow to me as well. Google is still my homepage, but I do all my image searching with Bing now. Microsoft's Bing. _BING_. I mean, Jesus Christ.

Uhh, you can still get scads of porn in google image search. Just turn off Safe Search...

That's just it. You CAN'T turn off Safe Search, at least not in the United States. Your choices are Strict Filtering, or Moderate Filtering. It's been like that for a few months now, and Google's offered fuckall in the way of an explanation. Apparently they think that automatically defaulting to Moderate Filtering and then burying the Safe Search Off filter in an option menu just wasn't pornproof enough for our wholesome American eyeballs. If I had to guess, I'd say that someone on Google's Board of Executives is a Mormon who's gotten real into this "libertarian paternalism" bullshit that's been floating around academic circles for the past few years. It's just a guess, but, in the absence of any better explanation, it'll have to do.

Yeah. You can get porn to appear, but you have to search something that the only thing Google Image can find is porn, and then it warns you before letting you see it.

Try doing a Google Image search right now for a pornstar's name and see if you can get the naughty pictures to show up. I think you'll find it rather illuminating in how chaste Google's become.

Huh, well I'm in the U.S. and it is off. Seems like you're right about just a porn stars name not always giving you porn. But some of them do give porn results with just their name as the search terms. But putting in a porn stars name plus the word porn always gives porn results. I don't see the problem.

I was confused about that at first. What Google has done is they've taken away the three setting search filter (strict filtering, moderate filtering, no filtering) and made it so the porn is hidden unless you use more specific terms, even with the filter turned 'off.' If you type "tits" now all you'll get is tame pictures of DD cleavage or birds. You gotta mine deeper with "women showing bare tits," "lesbians licking puffy areolas," or "women spreading fat pussy lips."

It's total bullshit and completely unnecessary, but at least the porn's still out there.

Why is it called Chromebook pixel if the resolution isn't 320x240? You can't see the pixels without that.
It's actually 1x1, all that other stuff is interpolated in hardware.

this is the Onion, you guys. they gave the joke away when he said they wanted to make the hardware disappear. right?
0-500 for a decent notebook on clearance at OfficeDepot's website.

00 for some shit I won't be able to upgrade, run my Steam games in medium-high settings on, or install Word or OpenOffice on...and with extrage storage space I'll have to pay a monthly fee for.

This may be a stupid question, but...why? Why do people want to buy things like this?
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