|Oscar Wildcat |
No no no. It's "Allahu Akbar"
For the Religious Reich, if a disaster befalls someplace like San Francisco, then it was obviously God punishing specifically wicked people.
If a disaster obliterates part of the Bible Belt, then it's God's judgement on the whole country, and still the fault of the liberal heathen Satanists who somehow managed to cleverly not be in the way of the wrath in question.
Don't be fooled by the mass media and their puppet masters in FEMA and the White House.
This is whole tornado thing is just a false flag operation designed to distract the country away from benghazi, the IRS scandal, and to justify throwing more money into FEMA.
FEMA will use said money on more black helicopters, more bullets, and on construction of more FEMA death camps.
Wake up sheeple.
Also, lizard people are probably involved too.
And of course if other countries anger God, then God doesn't visit tornadoes and stuff upon them because he doesn't love them as much as America.
You're all fools, this is the beginning of the invasion. Look to your sun for a warning.
a tornado just happens to strike on the same week of three White House scandals...sure
|Scrotum H. Vainglorious |
I'll stick with earthquakes thank you very much.
Not me. Tornado destruction isn't nearly as widespread. A powerful tornado can wipe out a town, but an earthquake is needed to wipe out a city. Not to mention you can track tornadoes and actively avoid most earthquakes by not building right on the fault lines.
The difference being if an earthquake (we're talking about only earthquakes, no tsunami combos, so don't pull that Japan shit on me) hits your house, your chances of still having a house are pretty good. If a tornado hits your house...well...not so much. It's kind of like comparing the likelihood of you surviving a car crash vs the likelihood of you ending up in a plane crash.
I speak from spending 16 years of my life in Southern California, living through several earthquakes, and from spending seven years of my life living in Oklahoma, where this sort of thing, while not necessarily of this magnitude, happens on a fairly seasonal basis. I've never seen a house destroyed first hand from an earthquake, but I've seen houses flattened first hand from tornadoes.
Both disasters suck, however, and its pointless to waste your time going to go through life worrying about tornadoes and earthquakes, but if you insist, you may as well move to Arizona, Nevada, or somewhere equally barren and miserable to greatly reduce the chances of either.
Living in CA, where earth quakes happen daily but are so small and insignificant you have to have equipment buried deep in the earth to even measure them, I'll take earthquakes over tornadoes and hurricanes any day. Both those storm types happen EVERY YEAR and kill people EVERY YEAR and destroy large areas EVERY YEAR. Earthquakes that are big enough to cause damage and deaths in CA? Every 15-20 years or so. It's a better deal.
Billy the Poet
Try living in a hurricane zone! They can level cities and are a total fucking crapshoot! It's wonderful!
As someone who has lived in hurricane territory for 35 years, the only houses that get destroyed around here are built in ridiculously unsafe locations. If people would stop developing right on the shoreline, people's houses would stop getting washed into the ocean.
Obviously it's a different mater down south where the coat has less relief. But in New England, if your house gets destroyed in a hurricane it's kind of your fault for choosing that house. If you lived half a block inland you'd be fine.
Not last year's big hurricane but the year before that, I went swimming.
Oh, three years ago a small tornado touched down just west of 95 in Providence but it didn't really make the news. Only damage was 3 or 4 large (24-36 inch diameter) trees came down near White Electric.
Yeah, the year before that, I went outside and filmed the weather. In retrospect it probably wasn't a good idea (the rain wrecked my phone) but I got some good flood footage and fuck it I'd do it again.
Sandy wasn't as much fun, but I lucked out, all things considered. And I remember hearing about that Providence tornado. God was mildly frustrated with you.
It was around the same time the proper tornado blew through the South Shore and caused some damage, so it got upstaged.
It was weird, there was no storm at all on the east side, not even a bit of wind, but the sky was yellow and you could see literally the most lightning I've ever seen across town.
|Jet Bin Fever |
Get to your shelter you idiot!
OH MY GAAAWD IT'S EATING HER
That storm front will be here in a few hours, but is estimated to weaken from evil glowing death purple to green and yellow. Though really, it's no longer a matter of if for anyone, only when.
Oh man, you've got tornadoes AND white supremacists to deal with?
Took me a second to realize where the joke was in that, since yes, we do have to deal with Stormfront too.
I've mentioned how much I hate the news, right? In the last ten minutes, I've heard:
o A grown women call Obama "the Healer in Chief".
o A delightfully positive take on the need for excessive national security measures, and the wisdom of Presidential inaction.
o If You Don't Own a Cellphone, Your Children Will Die (Tornado Remix)
o A couple plugs for senators
o Countless qualifications and hedging statements, just so *you know* the station isn't in favor of hurricanes and wildfires.
If someone doesn't shut that damn TV off, I'm going to start siding with the tornados.
I watched a lot of news between when I got home from the marathon and when the last suspect was caught. I'm all set on TV news for the next 10 years.
Timothy Leary's advice to "tune in, turn on, and drop out" has never seemed so sound as in the modern socio-political hellscape. It's come down to the uncomfortable realization that those who can't escape this world will simply eat shit and die with it.
America is the fat kid at the eat shit and die buffet.
Just for posterity's sake, the argument I alluded to in bullet point two was: the President can't go to Oklahoma for at least the next week or two, because if he did, all the emergency services would have to be redirected in order to protect him from... tornados, maybe? The Healer in Chief has to do his healing from afar, you see.
It's too bad Bush didn't think of that one during Katrina; what the hell was he paying Rove for, anyway?!
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