|Adham Nu'man |
How is this different from or worse than the average CGI film for kids?
HE'S...A LITTLE DIFFERENT!
HERE'S SOME MISFITS!
THERE'S EVEN A BLACK ONE!
POP SONG FROM FIVE YEARS AGO!
HE'S GONNA DO IT, EVEN THOUGH NO ONE THINKS HE CAN!
EXTRA JOKE: "THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!!!!"
Man, are these movies garbage.
This one's actually a record for them. Every character on the poster is doing it:
AIN'T NO RULE THAT A SNAIL CAN'T RACE IN THE INDY 500!
Except I think there really is a rule.
I think this movie would have been made in any form (underdog wins the race), but someone saw this animated gif and thought "I just had a completely original idea":
After "How To Train Your Dragon," I thought there was hope for Dreamworks. Now, I feel even sorrier for the animators that keep getting laid off by the truckload, since they're working for idiots.
what no record scratch moment? You're losing your edge hollywood!
This will all be justified when some kid drinks nitrous and has his stomach pumped and/or dies.
Holy christ this is a brave new world of terrible
I'm not gonna say my generation had better taste or stuff available, but when I was a kid the movie I popped into the VCR every morning at 5am was Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I dunno, I had some doozies growing up in the 90's. Videos I watched enough times that the actual tape stopped working:
- The Land Before Time
- The Incredible Crash Dummies CG cartoon
- The Incredible Journey
- The Rescuers: Down Under
Not exactly pure gold.
Still, compared to any Dreamworks movie, they are masterworks.
Fuck yes Dark Crystal!
And was there ever a more perfect kid's adventure movie than Goonies?
Fedex, given how tiny their budgets were, they were masterpieces of economy.
We listed movies that are still considered classics as kids then you flip the script listing old movies?
I don't think that's how jokes work.
|WHO WANTS DESSERT |
Disney considered this such a threat that they pushed Planes, a direct-to-video Cars spinoff starring Dane Cook, into theaters to try and steal some of its thunder.
A spinoff that originally starred Jon Cryer (from Two And A Half Men) who was replaced with Dane Cook when the movie needed more star appeal.
I don't know if the blame goes to the Shrek movies for starting the trend, but all-star cartoon voice acted films is always distracting for me.
I'm sure professional voice actors don't care for it either.
What's worse about the Shrek films is that they became a trend towards "edgy topical humor" in animated films. Animated movies need to have a longer shelf life to justify their costs, I think, and when you make a script out of pop culture references that are already stale halfway through the movie's theatrical run, it's going to just confuse people a year or so later.
I also dislike Mike Meyers' idea of humor intensely, but that's just my own cross to bear.
It's not Pixar. They're basically licensing "the world of Cars" to some other CGI studio.
I wonder if the animation costs on movies like Cars and Planes are lower because there's (conceivably) less animation because the characters are a lot more rigid than flesh-like characters?
WHO WANTS DESSERT
Disney has been using celebrity voice actors for as long as they existed, you just don't notice because it's pop culture several generations removed.
It was more limited to one, maybe two "special guests" (like Louie Armstrong in Jungle Book, or Robin Williams in Aladdin). The norm being 100% stars is pretty recent.
That was started by Toy Story. Clueless uncreative execs saw that movie be a success and figured it had to be because of star power.
Stars who became popular before the kid audience was even bored putting their voices behind animated cartoons.
Snails are not cute. There was also an animated movie about astronaut fruit flies and their maggot offspring.
That was "Fly Me to the Moon" and it featured Buzz Aldrin as himself. I can't hate anything he's ever done too badly.
Unmerciful Crushing Force
You guys all go nuts over the cuttlefish and the puffer fish. I beg to differ: Snails have the googly eyes and therefore are cute.
And this movie just looks mediocre, not aggressively bad as far as Dreamworks' catalog goes.
Rodents of Unusual Size
I think the slugs in Flushed Away were a far worse idea...and the rats. That movie was really revolting, actually.
|The Mothership |
Snoop Dog AND Samuel Jackson as the sassy black snails.
I don't have to say anything else.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS
Assuming you also end up in a freak accident where you conveniently gain super powers that are perfectly suited toward those goals, and give you an unearned advantage against all your competitors!
HARD WORK AND DEDICATION ARE FOR CHUMPS.
Rocky movies are meaningless unless he wins at the end!
|Rodents of Unusual Size |
I am imagining tupperware cases filled with cocaine, a boardroom, and a deadline.
|Jet Bin Fever |
Atrociously atrocious. Terribly terrible.
|infinite zest |
Do I get banned from POEtv if I say that I kind of want to at least download and try to watch this? I also liked G-force. I'm banned. Thanks for the memories poetv :)
|The Mothership |
from the wikipedia page:
Turbo is being directed by a first time director, David Soren, who also came up with the idea for the film. For it, he was inspired by his six year old son's fascination with race cars and the snails inhabiting his front yard. Soren explained: "For me, it was less about trying to make a racing movie and more about finding an underdog that I could really latch onto. I think that a snail is inherently an underdog. It's smashed, eaten by people, the butt of slow jokes around the world. It just seemed loaded with obstacles. Obviously, the opposite of slow is fast, and that's where racing came into the picture."
"The idea came when I decided to redo The Tortoise and the Hare then stopped to wonder how I could rape it of any meaning."
The racing snail from The Neverending Story would like a word with the producers.
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