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Desc:The pitch must have involved compromising photos or a gun or something
Category:Trailers, Cartoons & Animation
Tags:snails, Turbo, your premise needs work
Submitted:Triggerbaby
Date:05/26/13
Views:1553
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Comment count is 44
Adham Nu'man
How is this different from or worse than the average CGI film for kids?
snothouse
HE'S...A LITTLE DIFFERENT!

HERE'S SOME MISFITS!

THERE'S EVEN A BLACK ONE!

RANDOM!!!!!

POP SONG FROM FIVE YEARS AGO!

HE'S GONNA DO IT, EVEN THOUGH NO ONE THINKS HE CAN!

TITLE CARD!

EXTRA JOKE: "THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!!!!"

Man, are these movies garbage.
badideasinaction
You forgot "Insert Dreamworks face here"

Kabbage
This one's actually a record for them. Every character on the poster is doing it:

http://professorbel.tumblr.com/ post/49737007097/dreamworks-face-the-movie

snothouse
RAKISH EYEBROWS

chumbucket
IN 3D!!

Racketeer
AIN'T NO RULE THAT A SNAIL CAN'T RACE IN THE INDY 500!

Except I think there really is a rule.
SteamPoweredKleenex
I think this movie would have been made in any form (underdog wins the race), but someone saw this animated gif and thought "I just had a completely original idea":

http://gifsoup.com/view/1252621/rocket-snail.html

After "How To Train Your Dragon," I thought there was hope for Dreamworks. Now, I feel even sorrier for the animators that keep getting laid off by the truckload, since they're working for idiots.
StanleyPain
what no record scratch moment? You're losing your edge hollywood!
Comeuppance
This will all be justified when some kid drinks nitrous and has his stomach pumped and/or dies.
Sanest Man Alive
Well, always leave 'em laughing, I say.

Kabbage
Holy christ this is a brave new world of terrible
Nikon
And they're influencing a whole generation of kids to like this terrible crap and ask for more.

Nominal
I'm not gonna say my generation had better taste or stuff available, but when I was a kid the movie I popped into the VCR every morning at 5am was Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Kabbage
I dunno, I had some doozies growing up in the 90's. Videos I watched enough times that the actual tape stopped working:

- The Land Before Time
- The Incredible Crash Dummies CG cartoon
- The Incredible Journey
- The Rescuers: Down Under

Not exactly pure gold.

Still, compared to any Dreamworks movie, they are masterworks.

sosage
Star Wars, The Dark Crystal, The Secret of Nimh come to mind as movies I watched on repeat as a small child...yeah...I think Nominal and I are clearly in the money generation for "quality stuff kids watched so much they broke the VHS tape".

Nominal
Fuck yes Dark Crystal!

And was there ever a more perfect kid's adventure movie than Goonies?

fedex
THIS MOVIE IS CRAP WHEN I WAS A KID WE WATCHED BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS AND STARCRASH AND THAT WAS THE PINNACLE OF QUALITY

SteamPoweredKleenex
Fedex, given how tiny their budgets were, they were masterpieces of economy.

Nominal
We listed movies that are still considered classics as kids then you flip the script listing old movies?

I don't think that's how jokes work.

WHO WANTS DESSERT
Disney considered this such a threat that they pushed Planes, a direct-to-video Cars spinoff starring Dane Cook, into theaters to try and steal some of its thunder.
snothouse
Whoo boy.

SteamPoweredKleenex
A spinoff that originally starred Jon Cryer (from Two And A Half Men) who was replaced with Dane Cook when the movie needed more star appeal.

snothouse
I don't know if the blame goes to the Shrek movies for starting the trend, but all-star cartoon voice acted films is always distracting for me.
I'm sure professional voice actors don't care for it either.

SteamPoweredKleenex
What's worse about the Shrek films is that they became a trend towards "edgy topical humor" in animated films. Animated movies need to have a longer shelf life to justify their costs, I think, and when you make a script out of pop culture references that are already stale halfway through the movie's theatrical run, it's going to just confuse people a year or so later.

I also dislike Mike Meyers' idea of humor intensely, but that's just my own cross to bear.

Billy the Poet
There's no way that Disney would be stupid enough to kill the cash cow that is Pixar by running it the way they did their own animation oh god I can't even finish.

SteamPoweredKleenex
It's not Pixar. They're basically licensing "the world of Cars" to some other CGI studio.

I wonder if the animation costs on movies like Cars and Planes are lower because there's (conceivably) less animation because the characters are a lot more rigid than flesh-like characters?

WHO WANTS DESSERT
Disney has been using celebrity voice actors for as long as they existed, you just don't notice because it's pop culture several generations removed.

snothouse
It was more limited to one, maybe two "special guests" (like Louie Armstrong in Jungle Book, or Robin Williams in Aladdin). The norm being 100% stars is pretty recent.

Nominal
That was started by Toy Story. Clueless uncreative execs saw that movie be a success and figured it had to be because of star power.

Stars who became popular before the kid audience was even bored putting their voices behind animated cartoons.

duck&cover
Snails are not cute. There was also an animated movie about astronaut fruit flies and their maggot offspring.
Racketeer
That was "Fly Me to the Moon" and it featured Buzz Aldrin as himself. I can't hate anything he's ever done too badly.

Unmerciful Crushing Force
You guys all go nuts over the cuttlefish and the puffer fish. I beg to differ: Snails have the googly eyes and therefore are cute.

And this movie just looks mediocre, not aggressively bad as far as Dreamworks' catalog goes.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I think the slugs in Flushed Away were a far worse idea...and the rats. That movie was really revolting, actually.

The Mothership
Snoop Dog AND Samuel Jackson as the sassy black snails.




I don't have to say anything else.
Robin Kestrel
Too big to fail.

Xenocide
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS

Assuming you also end up in a freak accident where you conveniently gain super powers that are perfectly suited toward those goals, and give you an unearned advantage against all your competitors!

HARD WORK AND DEDICATION ARE FOR CHUMPS.
Nominal
Rocky movies are meaningless unless he wins at the end!

Rodents of Unusual Size
I am imagining tupperware cases filled with cocaine, a boardroom, and a deadline.
Jet Bin Fever
Atrociously atrocious. Terribly terrible.
infinite zest
Do I get banned from POEtv if I say that I kind of want to at least download and try to watch this? I also liked G-force. I'm banned. Thanks for the memories poetv :)
The Mothership
from the wikipedia page:

Turbo is being directed by a first time director, David Soren, who also came up with the idea for the film. For it, he was inspired by his six year old son's fascination with race cars and the snails inhabiting his front yard. Soren explained: "For me, it was less about trying to make a racing movie and more about finding an underdog that I could really latch onto. I think that a snail is inherently an underdog. It's smashed, eaten by people, the butt of slow jokes around the world. It just seemed loaded with obstacles. Obviously, the opposite of slow is fast, and that's where racing came into the picture."
Nominal
"The idea came when I decided to redo The Tortoise and the Hare then stopped to wonder how I could rape it of any meaning."

SteamPoweredKleenex
The racing snail from The Neverending Story would like a word with the producers.
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