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Desc:This does not make me want cereal.
Category:Advertisements
Tags:What the fuck, captain crunch, yolo
Submitted:RocketBlender
Date:06/07/13
Views:2094
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Comment count is 50
Old_Zircon - 2013-06-07
THEN THEY ALL FUCKED
Old_Zircon - 2013-06-07
including the dog


especially the dog

memedumpster - 2013-06-07
Cereal hentai would have been preferable.

Xenocide - 2013-06-07
That dog is dead inside. You would be too.
Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-07
Having worked in bottom of the barrel commercial animation, this makes a dead part of me release the spores that silence the memories.
Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-07
And yeah, here.

Stars for evil. Stars for making me remember what it's like to be paid to lie to children with art.

Toenails - 2013-06-07
Oh come on now. Just share one story.

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-07
Post one of your commercials!

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-07
Bear in mind, my example will be made up because all the people involved in the show are still alive and respected and I like my pseudonymity. On the other hand, it will be completely emblematic.

This was a children's show for a local PBS affiliate. It was scripted by a board of child psychologists.

Somehow the magic of groups managed to script an episode where a puppet tells a group of children that ANYTHING is allowed in the remote wilderness where they've all gathered. And it tells them this in a voice that can best be described as Tommy Lee Jones snorting the ashes of Lee Marvin through a rolled up copy of JUGGS. At once grizzled, weary and crassly perverse.

There will be no clips. To my eternal chagrin, the single episode that was released nationally on VHS contained my work -- and it was the episode I hated most and it shows in EVERY SINGLE FRAME.

Every month or so, my buddy who worked at a local effects house would give me a script, a drawing and the recorded audio for the animated sequence. I would then have one week to sync the dialog, 'board' the sequence (this entailed me reading the script and telling my friend what I was going to do, no actual storyboards were involved), and then animate every single frame.

WITH A MOUSE.

I got 0 for the work. The sequences averaged about a minute and ten seconds.

Dr. Katz was popular at the time, so all the animation had to constantly wiggle.

Fuck. The spores aren't working anymore.

Toenails - 2013-06-07
Oh shit. I think I remember that.

There was some show on PBS where it looked just like Squigglevision. The characters, I believe, were in a courthouse. Or space. Maybe some space courthouse?

I'm pretty sure Paula Poundstone was the judge....

...

...aaaaaand looking that up confirms there was a Squigglevision edutainment series dubbed Science Court where Paula Poundstone was a judge. But this was on ABC and not PBS. Dang.

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-07
I sincerely wish it had been the Paula Poundstone squigglevision Science Court.

(which I didn't know existed)

After telling my wife about posting here, she went and found forums where twenty-somethings were weepy and nostalgic for the show I worked on.

The horrors I animated probably inspired the pitiful creatures that made this Captain Crunch thing.

EvilHomer - 2013-06-07
Well now I'm REALLY curious.

The Great Dox Hunt begins! Muahahaha!

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-08
Okay, fine.

I worked on Space Jam.

Or maybe it was Cool World.

Highlander the Animated Series? No.. I don't think so... Hmm.

Must've been the PBS children's version of Fritz the Cat.

EvilHomer - 2013-06-08
It couldn't have been Fritz the Cat. Nobody has fond memories of Fritz the Cat.

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-08
The non-musical version of Rock & Rule serialized for KCET and starring Bandini Mountain?

EvilHomer - 2013-06-08
Was it something furries would like?

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-08
Huh.

No, it wasn't!

Thank you, EvilHomer! You gave me a tiny glimmer of appreciation for the show I worked on!

RocketBlender - 2013-06-08
That's what Poe is all about for me. Sometimes, I may start to wonder what could have been if I made different choices, took more risks instead of playing it safe, etc.

Then I'll see some grown ass man crying about his favorite cartoon character getting wings, a wackjob or videos himself striking out with random girls at the grocery store and puts it online, or the results of someone spending hours modding a video game to allow you to eat babies and be rewarded for it, and I realize, hey, I'm not doing so bad.

Gmork - 2013-06-08
In all fairness, InfantoPhagia II is where the mod developers really shined

EvilHomer - 2013-06-08
Oh come on. I don't know enough about the Baby Eating Mod to say for certain how long it took, but just going off what we saw in that video? I could whip up something like that in ten minutes, tops.

"Hours". HA! Amateurs!

RocketBlender - 2013-06-08
The 'hours' was a complete guess, I really know nothing about game modding. I just assumed it took a while to do something like this since everybody in the video was talking about how much effort the devs put into trying to keep you from being able to kill kids.

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-08
At least you weren't a crew member on the Learning Treehouse Phonics series, although the tape of that I found looks like the host and puppeteers are all a bit drunk so maybe it was one big party.

It's not on Youtube at all, but trust me, if you have a VCR a used copy of this is well spent:

http://tinyurl.com/m2fwpyv

They have a DVD now but I can't vouch for them being the same content, although for I'm probably obligated to buy it and get some highlights on here.

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-08
Holy hell, Zircon! Now I almost feel GOOD about the show I worked on!

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2013-06-08
Architeuthis, did that show involve time travel? There was a really shitty PBS cartoon that involved time travel. Like, done with MS paint bad.

Architeuthis Tux - 2013-06-10
Nope, no time travel.

I was doing all my animating in Brilliance on an old Amiga 1200, using a mouse.

The other folks did it all traditional cell-style. I got my work done much faster and it looked about the same.

Old People - 2013-06-07
The vast, stinking bath of milk. Shades of a Saturday-morning Mobutu.
EvilHomer - 2013-06-07
What.

Is this... is this an actual ad campaign?
Meerkat - 2013-06-07
This is how all young people look to me.
Stopheles - 2013-06-07
How DARE they use Alfie and my beloved Smedlie?
TheOtherCapnS - 2013-06-07
Why aren't mass suicides a thing anymore? #MassSuicides
Pope Caius - 2013-06-07
Every second seething with a hatred for existence itself
Racketeer - 2013-06-07
#why
Seven Arts/H8 Red - 2013-06-07
I think these things are made to get Daws Butler to come back as a zombie.
Kabbage - 2013-06-07
Holy fuck you were absolutely not kidding
duck&cover - 2013-06-07
Take the essence of the Captain into your mouth.
duck&cover - 2013-06-07
This reminds me of the Carsenio sketch.

Quad9Damage - 2013-06-07
Captain Crunch turns milk yellow and makes it taste like Captain Crunch.

AND THEY'RE FUCKING BATHING IN IT WHAT THE FUCK.
Hooker - 2013-06-07
Post-modernism is an excuse for people to be really, really lazy writers.
Old_Zircon - 2013-06-07
This isn't postmodernism, this is just shit.

Hooker - 2013-06-07
I'm referring specifically to the "comedy" of the character that rolls its eyes and mumbles sarcastically in response to the (and I'm just using basic terminology here, not giving opinion) funny man. This fucking lazy version of the straight man shows up in much of the worst of the worst; webcomics, TV shows, cartoons, whatever you'd call this, etc. I think it's made possible by postmodernism, because just constantly torpedoing your narrative every time a character speaks was heretical before that.

EvilHomer - 2013-06-07
Riight, Hooker, postmodernism's to blame... (rolls eyes)

memedumpster - 2013-06-08
Seems more dada to me, a blatant assault against continuity, reason, common sense, sanity, morality, dignity, and decency, but not in a way that says so, just in a way that accomplishes it as if it had said so.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2013-06-08
Whoever wrote this was raised in the 50s as a child and has lots of fun "relating" to the "kids" these days.

Rodents of Unusual Size - 2013-06-08
Also they "love" "animation" and "make me want" some "cereal".

cognitivedissonance - 2013-06-08
Cap'n Crunch is designed after Jay Ward in his "Ponsonby Britt" persona, which involved a Gilbert and Sullivan costume. He was asked to be on Johnny Carson, came on with a three foot long salami, had no material prepared and collapsed into a giggling fit out of neurotic terror, because he was a chronic sufferer of SAD after he survived a car accident and was trapped in a flaming car for an hour.

I can't find footage of this appearance, but Keith Scott (son of Bullwinkle's voice) assures us it happened in his book on Ward Studios.
The Mothership - 2013-06-08
of all the pandering, pathetic excuses for attempts at relevance...
Jet Bin Fever - 2013-06-08
I'm glad that they killed the Cookie Crisp robber off before he could sink to these lows!
Xenagama Warrior Princess - 2013-06-08
But not before the furries got to the Cookie Crisp wolf.

BHWW - 2013-06-08
Didn't you hear the true story? The Cookie Crisp robber was shanked to death in prison. Ran afoul of El Eme.

That guy - 2013-06-08
#thecerealthatscrubsyourmouthraw
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