TRUE STORY: I once stopped for some coffee in this little diner in the countryside with some friends and we saw a goose pass by in front of the window. So my friend knocks on the glass and flipped the bird the bird, so the goose approaches the window pane and we all give it the finger.
Very soon we had two geese standing outside the window, and we're inside taunting them and making funny faces. In response, they just gave us stern looks and an occasional wing flapping.
Briefly thereafter, we had 3 geese, then 4, then 6, 10, 15, until we had over 20 very angry feathery fucks standing outside the window. So what happens is that the crowd of stupid birds outside has grown so large that a couple were now far away enough from us as to reach a side-door into the building, which was wide open.
We figured it was time to get up and stop by the register to ask for the bill as a flock of geese started pouring into restaurant. As we left the building one of the girls inside was screaming and geese were roaming around the tables bullying customers.

Why don't you take a seat right over there?

I think you're giving humans too much credit.

Or wild turkeys. Turkeys are complete pricks.


I've met the turkeys described in this story and they are serious business:

http://www.gloucestertimes.com/local/x645318182/Turkey-terror- in-Rockport-Post-Office-suspends-some-deliveries-after-birds-attac ks-on-carriers

They came back this year. Same place, same turkeys.

I was attacked by swans while trying to feed them bread one winter as a small child in NOLA. My dad tried in vain to fight the fuckers off while my mother ran with me and my brother to the car.