Geese don't fuck around. I remember getting my ass kicked by like 20 of them when I was about 4. My grandpa had to come in and kick the shit out of them to get them off me. I'm not afraid of them, I don't think it did any lasting damage, but it was intense.
TRUE STORY: I once stopped for some coffee in this little diner in the countryside with some friends and we saw a goose pass by in front of the window. So my friend knocks on the glass and flipped the bird the bird, so the goose approaches the window pane and we all give it the finger.
Very soon we had two geese standing outside the window, and we're inside taunting them and making funny faces. In response, they just gave us stern looks and an occasional wing flapping.
Briefly thereafter, we had 3 geese, then 4, then 6, 10, 15, until we had over 20 very angry feathery fucks standing outside the window. So what happens is that the crowd of stupid birds outside has grown so large that a couple were now far away enough from us as to reach a side-door into the building, which was wide open.
We figured it was time to get up and stop by the register to ask for the bill as a flock of geese started pouring into restaurant. As we left the building one of the girls inside was screaming and geese were roaming around the tables bullying customers.
I once worked for a Mormon deacon, a gentle man, who once said he wanted to wipe every canadian goose off the face of the earth
Because of my almost irrational hatred of most birds, it is one of my most favorite things in the world when geese pull this shit.
Ooooh! Guess what, buddy? I know that you didn't just get bigger; you're just holding your wings out and running towards me. I also know you're about to kicked harder than your stupid, shitty little goose brain can even comprehend. Bring it!
Why don't you take a seat right over there?
I know how it feels, monkey.
Working in that chest pound while running backwards was quite a move, even though it reeked of desperation.
|Unmerciful Crushing Force |
I hate just about all non-human primates yet I also hate geese. I have very conflicting emotions about the results of this fight.
At least they aren't swans.
Or wild turkeys. Turkeys are complete pricks.
I've met the turkeys described in this story and they are serious business:
http://www.gloucestertimes.com/local/x645318182/Turkey-terror- in-Rockport-Post-Office-suspends-some-deliveries-after-birds-attac ks-on-carriers
They came back this year. Same place, same turkeys.
I was attacked by swans while trying to feed them bread one winter as a small child in NOLA. My dad tried in vain to fight the fuckers off while my mother ran with me and my brother to the car.
|Xenagama Warrior Princess |
Geese are assholes to gorillas because they know they can't swim.
Except Donkey Kong. He'd mess up your downy pillow ass.
The Canada goose and its quest for world domination via gradual encroachment. First, it came for the endangered species...
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