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Desc:A christian kid is lured into the seedy world of Internet pornography.
Category:Humor, Religious
Tags:Christian, porn, Everything is Terrible, nacho cheese hand job
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Comment count is 27
Caminante Nocturno - 2013-06-23
This doesn't even begin to do this movie justice. If you haven't seen it already, you should go find it.
animegurl1000 - 2013-06-23
I'm disappointed that they left out the part where Mom is on the computer, and has a near breakdown at trying to close all the porn ads that keep popping up.

Caminante Nocturno - 2013-06-23
That part will always be my favorite for the inclusion of hentai in the porn barrage.

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-23
My favorite thing is that they replaced masturbation with energy drinks.

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-24
Also that Kelly Lynch was juggling her role in this with her role in The L Word:


animegurl1000 - 2013-06-23
I never noticed that his screen name is "Stroke Man" until now. I want to think that it's a double entendre on the part of the writers.
dairyqueenlatifah - 2013-06-23
Porn: Worse than heroine.
StanleyPain - 2013-06-23
I'm almost positive there was another 3 minute summary put up here some time back that wasn't from EIT that did indeed show the great scene of the mom being ASSAULTED by the hundreds of porn ads popping up.

What I love about these TV movies about kids and porn is that they never even really imply that the kid jacks off or anything..he actually just sits there and watches it all intently.
EvilHomer - 2013-06-23
There was. I know I've seen this before, because I got real exasperated, then AND now, at the cool kid calling leather girls "way too twisted". Whoever wrote this is clearly not familiar with the depths to which internet porn goes.

And to be fair, thanks to poe and our culture of atrocity tourism, most of the porn I see is of the "watch but don't jerk" variety. Maybe the kid's just researching a fun new exhibit?

Senator_Unger - 2013-06-24
The best part was how offended the mom was that the dad didn't fly out of his bed in rage when she woke him to tell him their son was watching porn.

Bort - 2013-06-24
The dad's great. He spends fully two-thirds of the film with a look on his face like he knows he's supposed to be pissed off at someone, but he can't figure out who or why.

I love how he tells the wife that he has no interest in porn because he married his dream girl ... and she buys it.

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-23
-1 because every second of this movie is perfect.
Hooker - 2013-06-23
The most confusing poeMath yet.

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-24
I'm just saying this edit is missing a lot of the best parts (everything they cut out).

Mother_Puncher - 2013-06-23
They always cast a really hot girl as the overly christian character that leads the troubled teen to help in these kinds of movies.

My parents made me go to a youth group when I was a kid. i didn't want to leave the kids group because I was at the top of the food chain and didnt want to start over. I ended up making the move to hanging out with the teenagers and hated it. The youth group room was an old extension to the nursery converted to a loft complete with a soda bar and pool tables. The smell was awful. The nurseries, the fellowship halls, the place where the kids had church. Every church I went into as a kid smelled like the same muggy, greasy cleanser or whatever they used. I always associated with dried baby drool and it made me gag. The youth loft had that plus the smell of pit stained teenagers raging with hormones who just got done playing football. It disgusted me to no end. On top of that, they always played the worst kind of Christian music and social gatherings that when I think about life without alcohol and people who throw parties without alcohol, I think back to those youth group parties. Tons of cheap knock off snacks and drinks, everyone being forced to interact with each other not inebriated and getting generic Cheeto dust everywhere.

Beside the point. The more attractive girls didn't want anything to do with me. They were into the same guys they were into at school. I don't know about the whole sex situation since those girls at least came off as more prudish so it would have been a relationship where they just went out to get dinner at Shoneys and share their feelings or something else that turns my stomach. But there were some girls there that were on the looser side. They were usually fat but it didnt matter. They wouldn't have actual intercourse with me but they'd let me finger them and at the age of 13 I didnt really care what it was. Finger banging in the loft, stairwell, in the last pew in the sanctuary balcony when they screen The Count of Monte Christo. I almost got a handjob one time but the girl was eating nachos and had the cheese on her hands. She just licked it off and went to put her hand on my crotch and I left. I kept up with on of the girls I fooled around with. She was in some kind of car accident and got hit in the side of the face with a propane tank and had to get reconstructive surgery ad got addicted to pills. That part was pretty sad for me but this movie looks great
chumbucket - 2013-06-24
You win with nacho cheese hand job.

She wakes husband over porn discovery. What..he then picks up a baseball bat and a flashlight?

Old_Zircon - 2013-06-24
I already gave stars, but I'm favoriting for this story.

Bort - 2013-06-24
We need a "nacho cheese hand job" tag.
Quad9Damage - 2013-06-24
This movie. This fucking movie.

I'm pretty sure the entire thing's already on this site. I also have a torrented copy stashed away somewhere and a legit copy of the DVD I bought from Lifetime's store. That's the REAL 'joke' since I literally paid $ 19 for what ended up being a burned CD-R that has no menus and software generated chapter skips. It's the first DVD where I could fast-forward through the FBI warning because all they did was shove it onto the same track as the movie.

I have a review of it up on my blog but I'm not gonna self-spam. Cyber Seduction makes a spastic grab at a moral but it's like the writers either can't figure out what that moral is or else don't know how to present it properly. There's a scene right after this 16-year-old boy is introduced to the porn by his friend Timmy (that's the guy who calls him 'scuzzy' for pulling up the women in leather) where Justin's walking down the hall at school. His Christian girlfriend's chatting his ear off about boring shit. Suddenly the music transitions into a sad tragic piano number and there are all these slow-motion shots of Justin noticing girls' asses, boobs, and thighs, which is crosscut with VERY TAME porn preview pics he viewed the night before. Like 1996 caliber tame previews. So now this TEENAGE BOY is starting to LOOK AT WOMEN SEXUALLY instead of paying attention to his DEVOUT GIRLFRIEND and it's clearly PORN'S FAULT.

It gets worse. There's this girl named Monica who is supposed to represent the girlfriend Amy's polar opposite, I guess, because of her overt sexuality. Monica's a high school senior with a site where she hosts her own naughty webcam shows. Beyond that, the movie does absolutely nothing to develop her character. It doesn't even try. She exists only for Justin to lust after and be tempted by.

This EiT montage leaves out one of the movie's best scenes. Justin is about to have sex with Monica after Amy dumps him over the PDA porn. Justin has a sudden epiphany that porn's made him want the 'sluts' like Monica and not the 'good girls' like Amy. After Justin rejects Monica, she has a complete mental breakdown, screams like a banshee and chases him out of her parents' bedroom, down the stairs and out of the house. Then she goes in the bathroom and smashes her forehead on the counter so she can tell her douchebag boyfriend and Timmy that Justin beat on her.

Justin ends up getting pummeled by Timmy and douchebag, winding up in a pile of trash ("THIS IS WHERE PORN WILL LEAD YOU PROBABLY MAYBE"). He decides to attempt suicide in the dumbest way possible by drowning himself in the school pool without using restraints. Needless to say, an ensuing montage of everybody in the movie who was shitty to him helps him realize that he wants to LIVE, and that's where the movie ends.

That's really what it comes down to, and why it's so hard to accept this movie's 'moral.' Everybody is shitty to this boy. His girlfriend is shitty to him. His mother is especially shitty to him. His father is shitty to him after deciding a 'boys will be boys!' attitude isn't sitting well with Kelly Lynch. Timmy is shitty to Justin because he introduces Justin to porn in the first place and then backpedals when Justin pulls up the leather babes. The coach is shitty to Justin. The boys in the locker room are shitty to Justin. This is the worst possible dimension in which to suffer through puberty.

The popup scene is something that has to be seen to believed. You'd think the parents are battling HAL-9000 or SkyNet with the amount of intense drama the scene conveys.
Rosebeekee - 2013-06-24
"Monica's a high school senior with a site where she hosts her own naughty webcam shows."

I like how they portray Monica as this slutty slut camwhore, but you only ever see her wearing tame stuff like belly shirts and big puffy sweaters.

My favorite line is when Justin tells his girlfriend "I think it's pretty tight that you're not afraid to talk about your faith."

Bort - 2013-06-24
The mom is the scariest movie monster I've ever seen.

Also: "She exists only for Justin to lust after and be tempted by." Show me someone who puts their personal relationship with Jesus first in their life, and I'll show you someone who views you and me as mere plot points / obstacles in their ongoing relationship with Jesus.

Quad9Damage - 2013-06-24
Good writing would have answered some honest questions about Monica. Better writing would have thrown out the entire script and made the whole thing about her.

What would lead a high school senior into camwhoring? The movie is apparently set early or midway through the school year, so is she even of legal age to BE a cam model? If it's not legal why is her site open for easy access? What do her parnets do for a living, and what are they like? Why does she only want to fuck in her parents' bedroom? Why does she have such glaring rejection issues? Why is her response to rejection getting petty revenge?

Seriously, I know this is a shit Lifetime movie but an entire case study could be done on Monica. Amy the Christian girlfriend has as many layers as a CD-ROM.

Bort - 2013-06-25
I still believe the movie was created by Lifetime execs who asked for a script about a kid getting sucked into the perverted side of the Internet, without having any idea what they were asking for. The writers did, though, and so they delivered a script involving Tub Girl, a filthy house in the projects, and drifters with drug addictions.

In the original script, it made sense for the mom to be in a panic about what her son was getting into. It's only after the Lifetime execs saw the scripts and were horrified about what they had summoned that they "softened" the details and things stopped making sense. Thus, Monica changed from Tub Girl to a girl modeling for the JCPenney catalog.

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-06-24
This film changed my life. I used to be a scuzzy leather boy, now I'm just scuzzy!
Tough American Bouncer - 2013-06-24
Kelly Lynch went from the Road House to this? What happened?
Quad9Damage - 2013-06-24
Cyber Seduction's director is Tom McLoughlin, who also directed
"Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives." He went from directing what is arguably the best Friday the 13th movie in the entire series to TV movie horseshit. So "Cyber Seduction" is his baby, and Kelly Lynch's fully nude body can be located with a Google image search. The mind reels.

Scrotum H. Vainglorious - 2013-06-24
Simulated sex sounds.
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