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Desc:Subjectivity? What's that?
Category:Humor, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:music, pretentious
Submitted:Spaceman Africa
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Comment count is 43
simon666 - 2013-07-05
Huh. Get a load of this guy. Four for stupidity.
Scrimmjob - 2013-07-05
It's always safe to take music advice from a guy in a dream theater shirt!

Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-07-05
Three seconds in:

The Dictionary Defines Music As SETH MCFARLANE'S TED.
SDAusmus - 2013-07-05
I've stood next to infinity dudes like this at various metal shows over the years. They do indeed avoid mosh pits as much as possible...
StanleyPain - 2013-07-05
Anyone who bitches about the quality of one genre of music and then presents Dream Theater as their counter-argument should be fucking drawn and quartered.
Burnov - 2013-07-05
Well, I knew eventually there would be a good reason for a band like Anal Cunt to exist, frustrating a hipster who takes his musical preferences too seriously seems like as good a reason as any.
Ursa_minor - 2013-07-05
Did you just call a guy who listens to Dream Theater a hipster?

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-06
PoeTV's relationship with hipsters is one of the great mysteries of life.

Mother_Puncher - 2013-07-05
I really wanted to upload this but all of my music related videos just sit in the hopper and get farted on.

First of all he can't tell the difference in the genres. Death metal, grindcore, deathcore and brutal death metal are all different genres. I wont get into that. But of course he cant give a shit about the logo because that Dream Theater album cover makes no sense at all and is cheap and lazy. He says there is no melody and rhythm which I can agree with. Death metal is about riffs and can be structured pretty well. Brutal death metal's appeal is groove. Some bands can groove great, some are just about being stupid and brutal. Good BDM can groove but I still dont care for the style or much death metal in all honesty. Grindcore is a pretty strict formula and more often politically driven than gore driven. Deathcore is watered down brutal death metal with generic gore lyrics and pretty much centered and dependent on the break down.

Secondly he picks on the lyrics and vocals of pig squealing brutal death metal which lyrics are more of the aesthetic and the vocals act as basically another heavily distorted instrument. Anal Cunt is a bad example of grindcore because Seth Putnam was a horses ass who liked alienating people. AC ruled but Putnam was a walking cunt. Pig growls are not a staple of grindcore or death metal. Thats attributed to deathcore, brutal death and slam death. Grindcore and death metal rarely have breakdowns and if an old school dm band has one its more of a mosh part like old thrash.

Thirdly this guy talks shit about some crappy music but mentions the Dream Theater and fucking Kamelot as examples of proper music. I know DT fans are pretentious cocks but this guy is an idiot.
Riskbreaker - 2013-07-05
Ted poster in the background, that's all you need to know.
Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
There's been a lot of terrible, lifeless grindcore/deathcore/whatever other subgenre of super technical "extreme metal" since they started using drum machines for the kick drum (seriously, so many metal albums have sequenced kick drum with the drummer playing along without a kick on the kit, it's awful) but even the worst of them is a million times better than Dream Theater.

Oh, and the whole tend of recording your guitars direct to digital and then having some guy in a little room halfway across the world reamp them through his ,000 boutique amp? That sounds bad too.

I'm pretty grossed out by most metal production in the last 15 years or so, apart from the doom and stoner stuff which fetishizes the 70s so much that even the most cookie cutter stuff usually manages to get a good live-band sound. Really low fi black metal stuff recorded on cassettes usually sounds good to me, too.
Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
Also fuck anyone who doesn't like Anal Cunt.

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
You don't even have to like listening to them.

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05
Lyrics below were meant to be a reply to you, Brother OZ! AC is indeed awesome, and anypony who doesn't like them can go suck a subjective dick.

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
I used to date a woman who worked with one of A.C.'s wives and new him a bit, he was a completely normal, sweet guy, which isn't a bit surprising.

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05
I never met Seth, but the guitarist from my old band knew him. We were supposed to open up for them, back in what? 2003? 2004? It was right around the time I stopped lurking and started posting on poe-Red, cuz I mentioned the show in Anal Cunt's homepage's subforum. Anyway, it was super special, because apparently the band got banned from playing shows in our state after Mr Putnam hit some Yale kids in the jaw with a bathroom door, or some shit, I dunno. It was giing to be their triumphant return. But then the poor guy fell into a coma and the show got cancelled. :(

It's sad, really, but at least it gave us an excuse to drive around Yale blasting AC's song "You're In A Coma".

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
Somehow I missed that they were a PoE exhibit!

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05
Everyone did. I think I was the only person who posted in that subforum, and I instantly regretted it. I was worried all the cool kids would think I was a jackass, delurking just to plug his shitty D&D-inspired prog metal band on the Anal Cunt forum. But I couldn't delete it, obviously, so I spent some tense weeks hoping nobody'd notice. Nobody did.

Syd Midnight - 2013-07-07
Ghost stars for everything Old Zircon said

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05
We just wanted to sound like shit
But you thought we were avant garde
You thought we went to art school
But we worked at gas stations

You thought we were cool
But you didn't know we hate you
You thought we were cool
Fuck off all you fucking faggots

You didn't know we were a bunch of assholes
You thought we were liberal and arty
You tried to act wierd and pretend you were violent
When i whipped chairs at you, you ran off and cried

You thought we were cool
But you didn't know we hate you
You thought we were cool
Fuck off all you fucking faggots

Once you realized we hate people like you
You finally stopped coming to our shows
Now there's less faggots, less people with glasses
Less know it all eggheads, no more jazz fags

You thought we were cool
But you didn't know we hate you
You thought we were cool
Fuck off all you fucking faggots

Anal Cunt - I'm Glad Jazz Faggots Don't Like Us Anymore
memedumpster - 2013-07-05
Fuck you guys, I like Dream Theater, as well as the genres of music this guy can't identify.

Go back to nu metal and drop tune your Squire, faggots.
Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
Nu Metal vs. Dream Theater is a draw.

memedumpster - 2013-07-05
Unless you're a musician.

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05
Oh please god don't be one of Those People, meme.

Spaceman Africa - 2013-07-05
It's funny because Dream Theater's last album was basically nu metal

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
I'm not only a musician, I'm a semiprofessional musician (I've never been able to support myself on it for more than a couple months at a time, it's editing and mastering that actually pays the bills these days) who lived and worked near Berklee for close to a decade, I can say with some confidence that Derem Theater is farts.

Mother_Puncher - 2013-07-05

This song sounds like a Nothingface riff and has the generic lyrics, vocal performance and has those really queasy melodic parts typical in clear channel butt rock. Also its on Roadrunner records. Also it's shit.

That's beside the point. I like Change in Seasons and Metropolis but thats really it. I cant sit down and take a whole Dream Theater album seriously and the entire band just makes me think of George Lucas for some reason. They have some talented people in the band and might do well but they seem to forget to take their medicine that makes them not retarded and just end up flying around the recording studio using their hands to flap their ass cheeks with enough force to lift them off the ground

memedumpster - 2013-07-05
I have no idea what their newest album sounds like, I haven't listened to them in decades and never actually kept up with them, I just wanted you guys to do a gay little dance with me.

What I do find genuinely interesting about most poe discussions about music, is that there's never any mention of songs that have any kind of meaning to anyone, it's always nerd rage over genre and technicalities. It's like the more people have to say about music, the less they get from it.

memedumpster - 2013-07-05
Oh yeah, I forgot...

Dream Theater Fan > Brony.

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05

What I find interesting about poe fag dances is that no one owns up to their stupid opinions once they get called out.

No one but me. Brohoof.

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-06
Songs that have meanings? Orange Claw Hammer by Captain Beefheart literally makes me tear up. Neil Young's Dead Man soundtrack album (except for the unfortunate half side of movie dialogue) literally changed how I think about music back in college, and the Massey Hall live recording got me through one of the hardest weeks of my life.

Discovering Frank Zappa and The Butthole Surfers in middle school influenced me as a person more than is probably healthy.

It's not fun to talk about that kind of stuff on the Internet, though, the Internet is better for nerd rage (real or hyperbolic) over genre and technicalities. That's why autistics love it so much.

memedumpster - 2013-07-06
u mad brony? I listen to Bon Jovi, which is music made completely of catchphrases and outdated sayings, I have no shame. If I were a Dream Theater fan I'd shout it from the mountain and say everyone you liked sucked by comparison.

The other day I decided to listen to some old Neurosis (Through Silver In Blood) and some Jarboe to reminisce about my dead friend. I realised that I'm not into it anymore, that he'd died long enough ago that I actually have moved on as a person. That disturbed me greatly and I missed him all over again. I wished he'd made it to laugh about the stuff we listened to.

He wasn't into Dream Theater either, but did introduce me to Jacula. Check out Magister Dixit if you haven't : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8YG-kXjWZ0

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
(in real life I don't really have a strong opinion on either, but Dream Theater is so easy and satisfying to make fun of)
CornOnTheCabre - 2013-07-05
I'm definitely not watching this video, but I love Anal Cunt and hate Dream Theater, so this place is alright by me.
Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
You definitely should watch the video.

Stopheles - 2013-07-05
This guy is exactly what I assume all Dream Theater fans are like. I'm sure he held himself back from making references to Red Dwarf and Monty Python.

"I'm a music head, and I don't consider these bands to be art. However, I like TED enough to have a poster on my wall."

I agree with him about not wanting to identify oneself by one genre, but holy shit is prog metal just about my least favorite version of guitar-based music.
Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
This guy has a lot to say about music but he doesn't seem to understand the difference between chords and melodies.

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-05
But yeah, most prog metal is like they took all the things that make prog awesome and all the things that make metal awesome, and then combined what was left over. I say "most" because there's a lot of it I haven't heard because it's prog metal.

EvilHomer - 2013-07-05
I guess it depends on what you define as "pog metal". "Prog metal" is one of those terms that's become so broad and so vague as to be rendered almost meaningless as a specific descriptor. This guy seems to be into Prog prog metal, that is, Dream Theater and Dream Theater wannabes. Eunuch vocals, lots of jazz theory (although strangely not as much as you'd think, to hear them talking), time changes for no purpose other than to show off. He also likes Kamelot, for some reason.

I've never been a big fan of Dream Theater. I don't hate them, and the first time I heard one of their songs was one of the best fifteen minutes I ever spent, musically speaking, but I've never cared enough about them to actually buy one of their albums or pay full price for a concert ticket. That said, there ARE a lot of bands which routinely get lumped into the prog category that I do enjoy, immensely and unironically. Opeth, Savatage, Therion, Devin Townsend - stuff that's not as crazy technical, but has a lot more balls and a lot less pretense than fucking Kamelot (this is particularly noticeable with Townsend - he's got the skills to be a technical guitar wanker, easily, yet he never really presents himself as such).

And yes, Stopheles, this guy is exactly what all Dream Theater fans are like. Even the fans who turn apostate. This drummer kid I know? Back in highschool, he was a huge DT fan. Total elitist, too, turned down a scholarship to Berklee because he said "they couldn't teach me anything". Over the years, his taste in music changed; now, he's all into the brutal death/grindcore scene. Complete opposite of the guy in the video. But the damnedest thing? His ATTITUDE hasn't hanged at all. He just swapped the names around. Now, you mention Dream Theater around him, and he'll throw a twenty minute fit about how weak and lame and faggoty the band and all it's fans are, and how ONLY his latest hyper-technical grindcore band is True Metal and blah blah blah.

You can take the Dream Theater out of the douchebag, but you can't take the douche out of the Dream Theater fan.

Old_Zircon - 2013-07-06
I define "prog metal" as "stuff that sounds like Dream Theater (or Porcupine Tree or something like that); nearly synonymous with Berklee Metal."

Pog metal rules though. Nothing can touch pog metal for slamming breakdowns.

EvilHomer - 2013-07-06
My spellchequer is knot very gud.

LetsFistAgain - 2013-07-05
This guy should just listen to Cynic, it would blow his mind.
Syd Midnight - 2013-07-07
I played grindcore for my grandma once, at a comfortably low volume, and she said it was relaxing, like listening to a waterfall. That blew my mind, because I can understand what she meant. Play it quietly enough and it becomes pink noise.
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