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Desc:Hilariously overwrought segment from a Pat Robertson special on D&D
Category:Educational, Humor
Tags:D&D, Dungeons and Dragons, Pat Robertson
Submitted:asian hick
Date:07/18/13
Views:1488
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Comment count is 38
Bort
Glaring absence of potato chips and pop.
EvilHomer
See, time was, you got snatched up by a dragon, your only recourse was to go out outside and murder some children. Nowadays? You use a healing surge and boom, you're all set.

Fuck 4th Edition.
EvilHomer
Also, why was that guy ROLLING for movement?

dementomstie
Because he's a cleric, and clerics, being Godly have to play under different rules, such as Roll and Move. If he had been playing as a Wizard(Who of course worships Satan, the Dark Lord) he could have teleported wherever he wanted. It's one of the advantages of using the Dark Arts. Warriors get a free sandwich at the tavern.

Mother_Puncher
This isnt Dungeons and Dragons at all! You roll to move!


The killing kids part is accurate.
Binro the Heretic
Dude was so upset, he lactated.

People who didn't live through the 1980s can't fully appreciate how apeshit religious people went over tabletop RPGs. A young Tom Hanks even starred in a movie called "Mazes & Monsters" warning the world of the dangers inherent in rolling dice and scribbling on graph paper.
THA SUGAH RAIN
I have an uncle who converts witches in Salem, MA. I told him I bought D&D for a camping trip and he asked he to see it. I showed him and at some point before he left he snuck back in to my room, stole it, and later informed me he threw it out his car window on the highway. And that's the story of how I never really experienced D&D.

EvilHomer
I don't think "convert" is really the word for what goes on at Salem.

BHWW
Of course DnD isn't "Satanic", but it sure is dorky. Dorky...as HELL

EvilHomer
(please encourage your uncle, THA SUGAH RAIN. Tell him that Salem needs him. Watching fundies and Wiccans shout at each other is really the only reason to go to that parking-forsaken town)

THA SUGAH RAIN
He wrote a book about his mission in Salem. In it he lays out his literal spiritual battles with curses, demons, and spirits that were sent by the witches to terrorize his family. Worked out ok for my cousins I guess. Whenever they got in a car accident or had bad grades or got caught making out with their boyfriends they just started talking about the hobgoblins and ghouls that were ruining their lives.

Binro the Heretic
The title. YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE US THE TITLE OF THAT BOOK!

cognitivedissonance
I must read this book.

Xenocide
Please tell us the name of this book, Sugah Rain. And please tell me it's still in print.

Because if it's not, I swear to use all the resources at my disposal to bring it back into print, FOREVER.

My resources consist primarily of a plastic cup full of quarters. But I need some of those for laundry

THA SUGAH RAIN
I don't know why you'd want to read his zany religious adventures, but here: http://www.amazon.com/Bewitched-In-Salem-Witch-Peace/dp/0595318711

Most of it is available for free as a google doc thing if you look for it.

memedumpster
DANG!

Once, long ago, a fundie on the Internet sent me his book for free, it was called Wicca : Satan's Little White Lie. I was hoping and hoping reading your description that it would be your uncle's book. I wish I still had it.

THA SUGAH RAIN
Well have at it on the google thing. Most of it is there to read for free. Skip on down the spiritual warfare parts if thats your thing.

EvilHomer
DUDE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dv3xfY12VIc

Says your uncle is in that documentary. In the hopper now. I'll leave your name out of it unless you say otherwise.

THA SUGAH RAIN
:( Yeah that's him. Please don't connect this user name or my name or whatever. He was always a really nice guy to me aside from stealing my books and game. His daughters are totally sane and normal people.

EvilHomer
Which one is he? Is he the clean shaven guy?


EvilHomer
I think I know him. Not personally, but I'm pretty sure he was one of the "fundies yelling at Wiccans" I mentioned before. IIRC, he made a girl I knew from highschool cry.

The argument he presents in that clip is actually pretty good, too. I'm sure he's more than willing to veer off into loopy fundie land given half the chance, but the way modern neo-pagans try and twist historical reality to claim victim status for themselves is a totally valid complaint, and one of the reasons why, despite growing up in a family of neo-pagans, I "rejected the Church" (so to speak) at a comparatively young age.

misterbuns
:) :) :) :) :)
BHWW
I guess this is the video equivalent of Jack Chick's 'Dark Dungeons'.

"No, Marcie, you didn't have to do that!"
gravelstudios
D&D was one of the few things my mom made completely off limits when I was a kid.
THA SUGAH RAIN
So you rebelled the only way you knew how. A mind bending exodus to the desert of euphoniums and Kim Possible. Its ok, Petey, your a big man now with big important thoughts.

gravelstudios
Wow, I'm honored you remembered the details. It was a long time ago.

THA SUGAH RAIN
Yeah I'm not the biggest fan of your music, but I think its cool that you're going after that like a champ.

Caminante Nocturno
Is that guy playing as Princess Celestia?
EvilHomer
Fluttershy. Hence his fear of the gigantic, terrible, enormous, eats-a-pony-in-one-bite dragon.

eatenmyeyes
Playing as Princess Celestia? He probably meant to say "Lord of the Munchkins".

Jet Bin Fever
That's the coolest kid I've ever seen!
Old People
Good times.
Xenocide
Man, I WISH most of the players in my RPG were this dedicated. This guy's got his players killing toddlers, meanwhile I can't even get everyone to agree on a regular session time.

At this rate we'll never get to the part where I reveal that the entire RPG had actually been taking place in a post-apocalyptic version of the Care Bears universe.
chumbucket
Lord Of The Little People
cognitivedissonance
KING OF THE WICKER PEOPLE

Caminante Nocturno
Satan is going to make that guy king of the children for winning at a tabletop RPG?

All I ever got for doing well at DnD was a free pizza.

THA SUGAH RAIN
There's prizes?

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