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Desc:New video from the 'Utah names' women.
Category:Educational, Religious
Tags:Jargon, mormon, Utah
Submitted:Old_Zircon
Date:07/25/13
Views:1147
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Comment count is 16
Old_Zircon
It lacks the charm of the first two.
Jet Bin Fever
I've heard all of these before. I also found out recently that Mormons don't like it when you make jokes about big Endowments.
baleen
Are there people that would find this funny?
bac
I'm an ex-mormon and I found it to be rather hilarious.

bac
Called=getting an assignment to specific meetings in a ward building. (Ward is a larger church meeting house usually with about a hundred or so members)

Stake Fireside= Stakes are a specific amounts of Wards and branches in a large area (everything from the area of half a state or half a city if theirs enough of them) and firesides are talks given by people.

Elders=Missionaries (the guys that knock on your doors, it's funny cause the young ladies of the ward usually get googly eyed over them if they're cute)

Teacher=A male aged 14-16 in the priesthood. (The Aaronic Priesthood specifically (as opposed to the Melchizedek)

District=I'm pretty sure this is a specific area that the Missionaries serve in (I could be wrong on that)

Branch=Smaller version of a Ward.

Opening Exercises=?? I think it's stuff that goes on before one of the meetings during sunday service.

Word of Wisdom=The prophecy from Joseph Smith that says coffee and booze and drugs are sinful.

DNC=Doctrine and Covenants. scripture account of stuff the the church did when they were pissing off everyone in america while they were trying to find a place to not get killed.

Relief Society=The female group organization type thing of the the church.

CES=Not a damn clue.

Ward=church...I already did this one.

Zone Leader=A more specific area of a mission? I think.

Priest=Like a 'teacher' but for the 16-18 year old males.

Nauvoo Pageant=some festival the church does in Nauvoo, IL

EFY=Especially for Youth, a three day summer camp for teenagers set up at various universities. (for profit, poor kids don't get to go)

FHE=Family Home Evening. the church encourages families to take a night out of the week to hang out together and read scriptures and play games with each other.

Triple domination=Not a clue. If I had to guess it would be the mega scripture book popular amongst mormons containing the bible (with Joseph Smith Translations and cross references to the other scriptures), Book of Mormon. and the DNC.

CTR=Choose the Right. (half of all mormons you'll meet have a ring with this emblem on it) basically a mormon version of WWJD. (as an aside, the expression on the guys face at 2:10 is pretty damn funny)

Bishop=Leader of a Ward.

Sunbeams=kids? aged something to something.

YSA=Young single adults, church focused social mingle group for 18+ singles.

MTC=Missionary Training Center

laurel ect ect=age specific cataloging of teenage girls.
Jet Bin Fever
I think I've asked you before bac on one of those NewNameNoah videos or something, but I'm absolutely fascinated by Mormon culture. My best friend growing up was LDS and it always seemed really weird and distinct. I'm in TN though, so its especially uncommon.
Can I ask though, where did you serve your mission? What made you leave the church? What are you up to now?

Sorry, I would just email you this stuff if I could, but obviously I have no way of contacting you.

kingarthur
I'm a little creeped out by the "laurel ect ect" thing...

glasseye
It was "triple combination", and yes, according to google is their mega-text.

Mother_Puncher
There are always Mormons in Oak Ridge, Jet. My friend gets a knock on his door every once in a while.

bac
@kingarthur, The last three (starting with laurel) are just the names given to the groups of teenage girls (like 14-16 year old boys are called teachers, and 16-18 boys are called priests) the age distinction is used to say which sunday school class they break off into.

@Jet. I converted when I was 12 (half of my homeschooling group was mormon. (yep home-schooled, however I didn't have anything like you saw in Jesus-Camp). I can only speak for what it's like to be a teenager in the church. But it is weird and distinct. 3 hours of church on Sunday, an hour and a half youth event once a week. An hour of early morning seminary everyday once you start highschool (one year for the old testament, one for the New, one for the BoM and one for the DNC. the seminary only goes on during the school year of course). You're also encouraged to read at least half an hour of scriptures a day on your own accord. Anyway the point is it's a lot of damn time being immersed in the culture. But everybody's pretty damn nice.

And one of the reasons mormons are so damn nice is, one of the reasons everybody (america) hated them when they first started out, they walk around with a knowledge that what they're doing is the MOTHER FUCKING WORD OF GOD. I can't stress that enough about what mormons think. They believe with no doubt they are doing the lords work. And, you might ask what's the difference between that and any other religious person? Latter-day prophecy ladies and gentlemen you know the church has a president (the prophet) and the quorum of the 12 apostles? It's basically a requirement that all of those people...HAVE TALKED TO GOD IN THE FLESH. Yep. And here's the thing though, if you're a devout enough mormon, maybe, just maybe, He'll talk to you to. Ain't no church claims to have a personal relationship with God like the Latter Day Saints.

Another fun thing about the church is, Bible have a bunch of shit that doesn't make sense in it? It was corrupted by man, and Joseph Smith was working on a new translation before he got killed, so you can dismiss lots of it if it seems cruel or, stupid.

One thing I always really liked about the church was it's doctrine that nobody goes to hell. (unless you were a mormon and fell away and even then you only spend a thousand years in outer darkness, then get to spend eternity hanging out in the lowest kingdom of heaven (there's three kingdoms of heaven...oh dear god, the myths and dogma of Mormonism are amazing).

Oh, right the questions you asked. I never actually went on a mission. I hightailed it out of the church when I was 17. As for why? I smoked pot, and started thinking about suicide bombers and faith. If some motherfuckers have faith enough to blowthemselves up for a god I don't think is true, and my God made that faith...then what the fuck?! how can they be wrong in their personal faith. (not sure if that made sense but it did to me).

I still believed in bible God all of that. Up until about a year or two later, when two punk rock atheist friends turned on Bad Religions "Destined for Nothing" and made me listen to it. "Does it make you suffer cuz you have to die? Is it best to live a lie?" Is a line in the song and, once I heard that, it was like the snap of a finger I stopped believing in God.

I used to have a pretty good viewpoint towards the church up until the shit they pulled in california over prop 8. Since then I've kinda been, man, Fuck those assholes. But I still can't deny they're nice people.

I was lucky that I was a convert who left the church as opposed to someone raised in the church because chances are if you were raised in the church, then your parents and grandparents and your great grandparents were too. and that is pressure I can't imagine. I've known and still have a few friends that's happened with and, man. It doesn't look fuckin easy.

I'd still say I'm agnostic as opposed to an atheist (just mostly to piss off atheists who would be pissed off about such things). As for what I've been doing since I left the church...I was a huge pothead (and whatever other drug came my way) from 17 till 21 and after that I've pretty much just been a raging drunk (I'm 29 now). oh, I move around a lot, and fuck girls and occasionally suck dick and...yeah. That's my life. and it's pretty fucking awesome.

I know it probably sounds like my leaving the church influenced my desire to get fucked up a lot but it didn't. While I'm personally a lazy individual, I believe the church instilled me with a pretty strong sense of honor and fair play that, I can't say I would have had otherwise. But, other than that there isn't a thing I miss about it.

If only it had instilled a better sense of fucking grammar.

tl/dr? Yeah I don't blame you.

Old_Zircon
tl;dr - I was a huge pothead (and whatever other drug came my way) from 17 till 21 and after that I've pretty much just been a raging drunk (I'm 29 now). oh, I move around a lot, and fuck girls and occasionally suck dick.



(you're welcome)


Jet Bin Fever
Thanks for that though bac. I liked it a hell of a lot. I knew most of it, but I like hearing everyone's story. I didn't know the bit about the 1000 years in hell (outer darkness/spiritprison/whatever) though. I don't know why they would want anyone to be Mormon then. It just seems like you're dooming people to hell if they want to get out of the church.
I think its fascinating how AMERICAN the whole thing is too. Yeah, they're super international now, but the basis of it is all this American top-down superiority chosen people bullshit. I know ancient Jews were the same way (or so the Old Testament would have us believe), but in our times its the Mormons that claim that from Christian groups.
I also hate the Prop 8 shit. It really disgusts me too, and I can't find any Mormons that really know the extent of their church's involvement in that bill.
And, I love talking to missionaries. I don't try to convert them or whatnot like lots of non-Mormons so they seem to like me. Sadly, I know I disappoint them when I refuse to sign my name to that big fat book of Mormons that they use to track you down throughout your whole life. I tell them, I like this shit (okay, not quite like that), but I don't think your church is true. I don't think any church is. Can you dig?

Jet Bin Fever
And yeah Mother Puncher, I'm really damned close to there (about 40min away!) and have probably met the same missionaries. Its fun talking to 19 year olds that are sure of the truth but don't understand it at all.

Mother_Puncher
40 minutes? Do you live in Sevierville?

Jet Bin Fever
Maryville, but now I'm telling you too much!

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