The zipper argument made me faithful.

MAde

Women should, however, wear suspenders with half shirts. 80's

I never knew this was a problem, UNTIL NOW.

Probably needs a "my humps" tag.

The pain on her face when she describes the nightmarish manner in which pants will reveal the curvature of the buttocks

Honestly, I've always found skirts vastly more crude than pants. They have this implied billowing open window directly to their bedonk. I can't imagine why they initially decided to make skirts that way, but I'm positive it wasn't for the sake of modesty.

Also: FULL MINUTE TEXT INTRO

Thank God men don't have attractive butts, or we'd be in trouble.

"WHAT DOES GOD" indeed.

(Follow Jesus Kreiss)

HOW CAN SHE ZIP?!

oddly enough, trousers were made for women...

I kept expecting her to whip out that guitar and belt out a cover of Claptons' "Bell bottom blues".

Is this really a pressing issue for Christianity? Is this the kind of dumb shit the earth is going to have to deal with for the next thousand years? Pants? Pants sin?

I want a spaceship and a trajectory to deep space now. I'd rather suffocate alone in the void in an aluminum tube.

When I marry my waifu, I'm going to have her sign a contract to wear demonic trousers, cause I think they're sexy. Not like a prostitute though.

Also, slightly relieved that this wasn't actually Miss Cleo.

Tight leather miniskirt: modest.
Baggy cargo pants: zippered buttock-flaunting worldly garments of Satan.