"Dear Peter and Dasha Jamison:
Glad you are enjoying the Internet. Sorry you have stupid friends. Now stop emailing me for fuck's sake. Please.
Cyberfully yours,
President Clinton"
Soon you'll be jammin' in cyberspace like a real console cowboy, at least after we finally get the Direct Neural Interface skull-socket prototype ironed out.
Or perhaps you'll be learning how to make cartoon horse vaginas out of an empty soda bottle and a can of WD-40. Who could have imagined that back in '95.
He desperately wants to tell his friends about the dangers of Internet blackmail and how he fell in with a heroin dealer posing as Console Cowboy the Happiest Cowboy in the World, but he's just...too ashamed.
This is totally radical! I can cybermessage all my cool data-friends and have a downloadably good time cruising the digital highways and e-chatting with compu-folks!
"I'm a dumb woman so I'll just let my husband invest for me, and little Peter is just a whiz but I'll just introduce my daughter to recipes because what does she need to learn anything for?"