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Desc:Why can't this man get a date? CONSPIRACY.
Category:Educational, Science & Technology
Tags:Lonely, unrealistic expectations, projection, online dating, antifeminist
Submitted:Old_Zircon
Date:09/02/13
Views:1750
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Comment count is 42
Meerkat
Hi older Me!
Old_Zircon
I don't understand how aging works because when I was 15 or 16 it started to be that everyone assumed I was in college or grad school. And now that I'm 35 and going bald everyone still assumes I'm in college or grad school.

il fiore bel
It's that cursed babyface of yours.

TeenerTot
All my sympathy to the foreign woman that gets snowed into marrying this guy.
Meerkat
I met a girl (from Vietnam) at a music festival who is kind of a mail order bride.

She was pen pals with this Canadian guy who was your typical "north american women are terrible I'm giving up dating" story. The guy wanted to meet her and she ended up cutting off contact because she decided that was a terrible idea.

But the guy kept sending her mail and so eventually she agreed to meet him and she says when she met him she decided he was a pretty OK guy and they ended up getting married and she moved to Canada.

They are both very happy, and she is a real pistol. We got her email and phone number and talk to her now and then, they are a nice couple.

The guy is kind of weird though.

Meerkat
Oh I forgot there is also more to that story, which makes it kind of amusing. At the same music festival my niece was staying in the campground and started telling us about this pasty Canadian and his Vietnamese mail order bride and she would hold his clothes while he was having a shower and follow him around and basically do whatever he told her to and he was kind of a dick.

So we thought it was "our" couple but after some subtle inquiries it turned out "our" couple wasn't the same couple and we were surprisingly relieved.

baleen
My favorite part of this man's delusions:

"There are factions in this society that keep people apart and from being happy. Women have been fed all this information that men are rapists and pedophiles."

Within a year this man is going to go full throttle Infowars\TFL.

Old_Zircon
I can't remember who it was, and I never figured out if it was true or not, but back around 2004 or 2005 someone on the PoE red forums lived with his dad, who got a mail order Russian bride, and her arrival was liveblogged in a thread. I don't remember anything particularly memorable happening other than the whole situation existing at all, but that was enough.

baleen
"People always fuck up or across. They never fuck down." - Louis CK

Not all pathetic whining about dating sites comes from men, the woman whining is just much more sophisticated.

http://bitchmagazine.org/post/okcupid-has-less-than-ok-policie s-especially-if-youre-ugly
Blue
I've always had sex with really attractive people. (which was kind of weird, because my idea of beauty and my culture's idea of beauty do not match) Now that I'm in a relationship where I'm the conventionally attractive one, I'm starting to see why they fucked me.

I think there's a valid place for that algorithm, but the way they've implemented it is shitty and condescending.

Hooker
Man, I'm always fucking down. What the hell?

Xenocide
I fuck diagonally, but only when I'm fucking on a two-dimensional plane.

Hooker
What about on an existential plane? For instance, a triplane.

Old_Zircon
I fuck like a hyperprism HELLO LADIES

Pope Caius
My fucking is non-Euclidean.

The only real way to go fuck yourself.

gravelstudios
Huh. I just assumed OKCupid told everybody that they are hot.

Gmork
Fortunately for me, societal downs are my ups. I win all the time.

baleen
Of course it's condescending.

The sad fact is that dating sites have a reputation for being used by people who are desperate or looking for anybody. It makes sense that Okcupid, which is one of the least culpable in this sort of thing, would try to get a diversity of people on there. If it's just a sea of desperation and loneliness, the model fails.

Most people literally log on, page through dozens of faces, and give up. It's shallow and horrible. I've intentionally gone out with women I was not attracted to at all and while we can be friends and have fun, the no wanting to do anything physical thing actually ends up being extremely uncomfortable and awkward, and it makes both of us feel worse than before. I've had a few internet dates, some of varying success, but man... It's not the best and brightest scene on okcupid in general.

SteamPoweredKleenex
Physically, my first GF would be considered far more attractive than my wife.

However, my first GF was fucking nuts, and not in the "great in the sack" kind of way, but the "slow realization over time" sort of way.

BHWW
I don't know why I can't get a date on OKCupid, my profile pic features me with my jaunty steampunk fedora, and I'm quite open about my fascinating interests like neo-paganism, steampunk, anime, steampunk, Homestuck, steampunk and anime steampunk Homestuck cosplay.

spikestoyiu
The hottest girl I've ever dated was definitely the craziest. And of course the plainest were the most normal. Mind-numbingly so.

Innocent Bystander
Why Online Dating Sucks (for Women):

http://hell-is-okcupid.tumblr.com/
pastorofmuppets
she must be fun at parties.

Aelric
Here is a thing I wonder: When I was in San Jose fora few months earlier this year, just about everyone I met mentioned that they date with sites, including the rather attractive, well-adjusted friend I had known previously who moved there. It was a shock to me that so many people I knew seemed to be using sites when I'd always assumed they were for...well...this guy. Especially since I had been out of the country for a few years, too. So, is this actually happening, is it a San Jose/Silicon Valley thing or is it nothing, just an odd fluke in the people I met?
TeenerTot
I think there's a whole new crop of people coming up who are far more comfortable with a keyboard and screen than the real world outside.

sosage
I've lived in the Bay Area/Silicon Valley all my life. Whenever I travel outside of it's invisible force-field, I find a lot of the crap that is normal here is actually alien and bizarre. Especially with tech infiltrating every day activities. So I would not be surprised at all if what you experienced was a phenomenon of the area (or maybe any tech savvy, densely populated conglomerate of cities in the country).

What disturbs me is that I'm pretty sure I am 10-15 years away from looking like this guy in the pre-load image...so five for depressing me.

Nominal
My experience with online dating was, while there ARE some reasonably attractive/sane/interesting to be found, there's so much hassle separating the wheat from the chaff that you're better off getting out the house and getting involved in activities where you'll just naturally meet decent people.

Old_Zircon
In the brief period of time when tried OKCupid because I was single and looking for the first time in almost seven years and in a city where I didn't know anyone I was disappointed to find that there were actually a lot of profiles for what appeared to be attractive, interesting people on there - in the city I'd recently left. In my city it was all Wiccans, overtly crazy folks, and college girls ten years younger than me.

Old_Zircon
But yeah, getting out of the house is the way to go.

baleen
Bars are still the best way I meet women.
A good friend of mine met a very attractive, sweet, smart girl on OkCupid, and they recently moved in together. I'm terribly jealous.

Potrod
You probably need to live in a big city for it to work well. So many attractive, normal women in NY on okcupid. It can get pretty exhausting and still involves a lot of rejection, but of the dozen or so people I've met on there, 95% of them have been cool and nobody's been really terrible.

Old_Zircon
Yeah, plenty of interesting people on there in Boston, but in Providence not so much. Boston's not exactly far away but without a car it's a bit of a hassle and I'm not about to blow money on a car.

gravelstudios
The walls of reality will come crashing
down. One minute you'll be the savior
of the rebel cause, then, next thing
you know, you'll be Cohaagen's bosom
buddy. You'll even have ridiculous
fantasies about alien civilizations--as
you requested. But in the end, back
on Earth...You'll be lobotomized.
StanleyPain
This made me laugh so fucking hard.

gravelstudios
You're welcome.

Lef
I've done a lot of online dating in several countries, and it's a bit like real life. most people are terrible irrespective of how you meet them. There have been great dates either way but 70% of it comes down to putting effort into an innovative date, 30% from the person you're with.

The beauty of online dating is the volume. Don't like the person? Don't call them again and move on. At one point, right after a horrible breakup I was having 5 dates a week, sometimes one in the afternoon and one in the evening, almost always no sexy time, just quality time spent with new friend. A lesson I learned late in life was that you should date in parallel. The first few dates are about getting to know people, and you can meet as many new people as you want.

If you setup a good date, you can use the same template over and over again. I did get funny looks from the staff of my go-to restaurant, twice a week for several weeks with a different lady... Can get odd when years later you bring your eventual wife.
Chancho
I was on a date at a restaurant and sitting across from us was a girl I had met on POF. POF girl recognized me and looked sad.

I went on one date with POF girl but after she told me she enjoyed watching women having sex with donkeys (she made a big circle with both hands to show donkey cock circumfrence) I decided she wasn't the one.

I told the girl I was with who POF girl was and she was all "OMG".

POF was a goldmine of fun for me.

Old_Zircon
I can count the number of dates I've been on with people I wasn't already sleeping with on one hand.

Potrod
Bowling is my go-to second date and it's definitely getting a little embarrassing showing up to the same alley every other week with someone new, running into people I know every time.

Old_Zircon
For me it usually goes "meet each other in a social group situation, hang out a few times, watch some ridiculous exploitation movies, sex, go on a date"

chumbucket
My second match on match.com quickly turned into a regular thing. This shouldn't be a game of probabilities Dr. Heisenberg.
Testicles of Doom
Well, maybe if you'd SMILE and stop referring to yourself as ugly, that might help.
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