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Desc:Spoiler Alert: It was delicious.
Category:Pets & Animals
Tags:cats, a facebeard not a neckbeard, Subtember
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:09/29/13
Views:2062
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Comment count is 53
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-29
It's true what they say; the camera adds ten pounds.
EvilHomer - 2013-09-29
Hey Mr Holmes, what's the deal with Priyanka? Was she named after Priya Rai, the famous Indian pornstar?
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
http://youtu.be/FXYdOQ6CuX4

http://tinyurl.com/k3fb8vx

EvilHomer - 2013-09-30
Oooooh. That's the Boxxy + Pocky = Love thing, right?!

Holy cow, all these years, I thought she was just being a weeaboo. But she wasn't talking about those delicious chocolate sticks at all, was she?

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
Well, that didn't that didn't take long. When she referred to Pocky as "she" and "her", did that seem confusing to you?

http://www.mediafire.com/convkey/954b/xxz7wufe8nr9cah6g.jpg

One of my favorite parts from these videos is when someone from Catie's site asks if Priyanka enjoys Pocky, and she says "Yes, but not more than an ordinary person."

EvilHomer - 2013-09-30
The only thing I know about Boxxy and Pocky is that they equal love. I don't follow the Extended Universe enough to catch little details like Boxxy's pronoun usage; sorry, it's something I've been meaning to work on. But even gendered pronouns wouldn't mean much, because Pocky Sticks are CLEARLY feminine, their phallic resemblance notwithstanding.

Anyway, are Boxxy and Priyanka really, you now, "equaling love"? Like, as in being lesbians? I'm totally cool with that, if they are.

infinite zest - 2013-09-29
fake. He had two tuna subs
CJH - 2013-09-29
this'll go viral for sure grampa! p s i didn't watch this
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
If I was your grandpa, you'd have to be no older than twelve... so yeah, i guess that works.

CJH - 2013-09-30
show your work you desperate old cartoon

RocketBlender - 2013-09-29
Holy fuck you weren't joking.
ashtar. - 2013-09-29
Behold your future, poenauts.
chairsforcheap - 2013-10-01
i'm ok with this... i feel this is how i live my life already.

Kabbage - 2013-09-29
What must they think of us
duck&cover - 2013-09-29
So much hair in that sandwich. So much hair.
Meerkat - 2013-09-29
So much sandwich in that hair.

lotsmoreorcs - 2013-09-29
16/1 those cats all have the same name
Xenagama Warrior Princess - 2013-09-30
This should become a national sport.
boner - 2013-09-30
Stallman
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
Also a Linus, and a Big White Persian (not shown) named Zardoz.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
most of them are just visiting, btw. My friend was recovering from surgery and acquired two cats. One was pregnant... DAYUM!

crojo - 2013-09-30
Please clean your home tho

Jet Bin Fever - 2013-09-30
When you have over 2 cats, you don't own them, they own you.
lotsmoreorcs - 2013-09-30
Dude, boxxy and anita will totally want to come over to your dank, piss-smelling, strewn with food particles and animal waste, rapidly collapsing shack to hang out with you man! People always appreciate artists kitschy lifestyles!
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
You know, Lisa Wayne, AKA Boxxmom, once told me that when Catie was a child,m some of the other kids were mean to Catie, and so Lisa taught Catie to always ask herself whether she would rather be Catie, or the mean kids.

lotsmoreorcs, I don't care what a nasty, mean-spirited troll thinks about my cat-loving, Linux-compiling foreveralone lifestyle. At least I'm not a nasty, mean-spirit troll. I try to imagine what it's like to be someone who gets some kind of payoff from being so hurtful and horrible toward others, and I just can't imagine that it really makes you happy.

You know what makes ME happy? Cats. Also, helping my friend out by talking care of hers while she's recovering from a hip replacement. I have a close friend, a former lover, whose brother died almost two years ago, and she's just just been falling apart physically ever since. That's all the friends I need, or can handle right now. I don't want to hang out with Anita Sarkeesian, who I admire, but who comes off as the liberal equivalent of the Newsbusted chick for humorlessness. i don't want to hang out with Boxxy, although I'd love it if she answered more of my tweets. On the other hand, if Boxxy's Mom wants to come over, I'll do the housework.

It would be nice to impress people with my lifestyle, but for I don't think impressing other people is really what a lifestyle is for.

Instead, I'd like to impress people with really good you tube videos, and you what's a really popular subject for youtube videos? Cats! Need a better camera, though.

I seem to have given myself five stars. I know thats gauche, but I don't know how to undo that. Sue me.

kingofthenothing - 2013-09-30
Hey, you're not hurting anybody, right?

Live long and prosper.

memedumpster - 2013-09-30
Linux-compiling! Why the hell does my update manager in Lubuntu keep running some days every twenty seconds even though it finds no updates? That and the Linux inability to remember my wallpaper, and recognize my router password even though it's the same, seemingly at random, are driving me apeshit!

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
I don't know, but anecdotally, Lubuntu may be the least reliable buntu. I think it's probably got the smallest team and least support. I say that because it was beta for a long time.

If you're up for it. you might want to try Peppermint OS. It uses the Ubuntu file management with the LXDE desktop as default, Anecdotally, I think it's more reliable, with more drivers. It's intended for Netbooks, light with a lot of webapps built in, but you can use it for anything. I'm running Peppermint right now with KDE, which is not what it's built for.

You should look into disabling the automatic upgrade, and perhaps just upgrade manually every day or whatever. Just type

sudo apt-get update
sudo apt-get dist-upgrade

If the router password is annoying, you might want to try installing a different network manager, like wicd.

I'd probably just try a different distro, but I'm set up for that. The way my partitions are set up, with a seperate partition for /home, I can reinstall my OS without losing data (as long as I'm careful)

I really don't compile things very often these days.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
@kingfornothing

Thanks, and may the force be with you!

Bort - 2013-09-30
I just realized, Boxxy can fold herself into a box. Is that where her name comes from?

I'm fond of tiger cats like the one front and center in the preload image. In my experience they're especially intelligent and patient, and if poeTV is to be trusted either they're communing with dolphins or beating up Russian toddlers.

memedumpster - 2013-09-30
I'm using lubuntu because it's on a netbook, and for such things it really is a speed demon compared to Windows. I just stopped using Mint because it can't play a video more than two frames per second, and it ran no faster than Win7, and lubuntu could almost get 2/3 the way to Win7 frame rate. Half of the distros I tried couldn't even find my wireless, so I was limited out of the box on which ones I could use.

All things considered, it still kicks the crap out of MacOS (it's actually a lot like Windows if Windows had an extremely glitchy desktop), and it's nice to see officially that Firefox is a bloated, hanging, piece of shit on every single OS!

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
@Bort

Boxxy is short for MoldyLunchboxx, which was young Catie's username on GAIAONLINE. I don't know where THAT came from, but obviously, if they'd started calling her "MOLDY", it would have changed history.

Catie made the original Boxxy videos for her GAIA fiends. GAIA is an anime site, where everyone gets an anime avatar.

Catie never talks about it, but if you follow the breadcrumbs, it's pretty clear that the Boxxy character is inspired by anime. The extreme eye makeup is inspired by anime eyes, and Catie gets better at approximating the look of anime eyes as the videos continue. She makes no bones about being obsessed with anime as a middle-schooler.

http://youtu.be/A4OufOVdxKE

http://youtu.be/I1gZgFph3J0

The Cat in the preload is named Anthony, and he's some kind of rarity, a tortoise-shell tabby who is male. Like Calicos, they're about 95 percent female. He showed up in the hallway in the apartment building where I was living, yelling to be let in. When he was a stray, he was so infested with earmites that he sctrached himself bald. He has a broken tail. The end of his tal was broken and healed in a zig-zag shape. He was an exceptionally ugly stray, but he cleaned up quite nice, and he's quite happy to be living indoors.

He's a hugger., It's the goddamndest thing, but if you pick him up, he'll put a paw on each side of your neck, and it feels like a hug. It's so charming! Other people have remarked on it.

Anthony appears to be very close to deaf, though he may hear some loud computer noises.

Couldn't find a decent picture of Anthony, but here's a picture of Linus, the alpha male, taken at the exact moment when he jumped on my back, which is why I appear to be yelling in pain. Sometimes he's gentle with the claws; sometimes, not so much.

http://tinyurl.com/m5lh9kq

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2015-10-29
Zoe, please come back and insult me some more.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
By the way, check THIS shit out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOFrU1uDo7s

http://www.mediafire.com/?2jxe20p36m91kgp
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-09-30
Better link?

http://www.mediafire.com/convkey/f1e4/2jxe20p36m91kgp6g.jpg

Albuquerque Halsey - 2013-09-30
Neal Stephenson let himself go.
lotsmoreorcs - 2013-09-30
John,
I am moved by your heartwarming tale of your repulsive obsession with boxxy. I am glad you can find something within yourself that yields the imaginary moral high ground that will no doubt divert people's attention away from the dark, dark heart of your baffling and perverse joie de vivre. Hey, if that doesn't work, theres always the incessant prattling about your cats. Yeah, that'll do the trick! No one on Portal of Equality (thats what the E stands for right?) would ever feel compelled to condemn you for being a disgusting slob with a bizarre fixation on the life of an internet celebrity who repeatedly airs his dirty laundry for the entire god damn world, and then asks to be adored for it.

Look dude, I am not saying you are a terrible human being. If you are happy with the way you live your life and it isn't fucking with me, so be it. But be aware, you posting videos of yourself and demanding that people give a shit about the weird details of your life contributes to the steadily increasing shittyness of this website.

By the way, just in case it wasn't absolutely clear: Your boxxy thing is sort of fucked up. I would rather have Boomer the Dog over to eat dinner with my family than you.
EvilHomer - 2013-09-30
I think Boomer the Dog would be a great house guest, regardless of context.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
>>Look dude, I am not saying you are a terrible human being.

Really? Because I AM saying that you ARE a terrible human being. I made that clear, right?

>>But be aware, you posting videos of yourself and demanding that people give a shit about the weird details of your life contributes to the steadily increasing shittyness of this website

It's a fact that some people care about the weird details of my life, and some people don't. It's not something I have any control over. I'm not asking for your adoration or your interest, or anything else. Including your fucking permission. I don't need it.

And now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to get back to forgetting that you exist.

memedumpster - 2013-10-01
Says the guy who calls black people "orcs" like we didn't all unanimously pick up on it day one.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
>>I would rather have Boomer the Dog over to eat dinner with my family than you.


Please be assured that I would rather blow Boomer the dog.
EvilHomer - 2013-10-01
I'd love to see you and Boomer team up! Not in a sexual way - fuck you guys for dragging Boomer into this, by the way, be nice to our doggie - but in a sitcom, or even a web series. You two would make awesome roommates, a regular Odd Couple!

You're into cats, he's a dog. You're fat, bald, and beardy, he's slim(ish), clean shaven, and has awesome hair. You're a mean old grump, he's always happy and friendly. You always see the worst in people, he always sees the best. You two would live in a nice suburban home together, something left to you by a dead relative, or maybe a Kickstarter, or maybe even a dead relative's Kickstarter. lotsmoreorcs could be your troublesome next-door neighbor, and Boxxy would make numerous guest appearances, starting with an American Beauty-esque dream sequence featured prominently in the pilot episode. The show would largely revolve around your clashing personalities and the life lessons you could learn from one another, all with a snarky, net-savvy sensibility that's sure to appeal to today's wired audiences.

Please make this happen, John. Next to "The Baleen and Cena Hour" on NPR, this is the thing I most want to see.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
(Googles to see if "Boomer the Dog" is a cartoon. Sees it was a TV show in the 80s.)

Well, Homer, you know I hate to disappoint you, but it's like this:

It turns out that Boomer now lives in a beautiful farm in upstate NY, and I called them up and asked the farmer's kindly old wife if he'd like to work with me on some you, and they told he's very happy there, chasing rabbits and playing "fetch" with the Farmer's grandson, who was very sad about losing his father in the war, until Boomer brought the child out of his shell with his adorable antics.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
asked the farmer's kindly old wife if he'd like to work with me on some you,

*tube. Best typo of the day so far!

EvilHomer - 2013-10-01
You know who Boomer the Dog is. He's living in Pennsylvania, you dork!


http://tvblogs.nationalgeographic.com/2013/06/03/extreme-anthr opomorphism-boomer-the-dog/

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
http://youtu.be/EQ7CzpYf9Oc

I'm not lotsmoreorcs's biggest fan, but I have to agree with him here, I'd rather have this dog as a dinner guest than me, or most other humans.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
You know who Boomer the Dog is. He's living in Pennsylvania, you dork!

YIKES!

http://youtu.be/VKcAYMb5uk4

At this point, I just want to make it clear than when I said I would rather blow Boomer, I thought he was an actual dog.

EvilHomer - 2013-10-01
There's no taking it back now, John.

unless you'd rather blow a dog than a human?

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
Welcome to the joke.

Actually, it goes like this: humans, dogs, this guy.

Oh, and theres THIS guy, who is another separate category.

http://youtu.be/5PiQa8Nz-1c

EvilHomer - 2013-10-01
Boomer is the nicest person on this site. I can take you making fun of ponies, but please don't be mean to Boomer. :(

Speaking of ponies, I know Boxxy is a pegasister, but do you know which pony is her favorite? I know she hates Twilight Sparkle (like me!) but who is Best Pony, in her opinion?

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
>>Boomer is the nicest person on this site. I can take you making fun of ponies, but please don't be mean to Boomer. :(

Wait, Boomer is a person on this site?

(facepalm) Oh of course he is! lotsmoreorcs is too much of a horrible mean-spirited troll to resist making personal shots at people. He wouldn't make it about some TV dog from the 80s.

Boomer, I beg your pardon.


Catie's favorite Pony is Pinkie Pie. I'm going to link to the flawed but awesome video where she dresses up like Jon-Benet Ramsey and rages obscenely about Pinkie Pie not being able to become a princess.

http://youtu.be/ArvcpJJZkAs
EvilHomer - 2013-10-01
You've never seen Boomer? He doesn't post here often, but he's been with us since the days of Poe-Red.


"... she dresses up like Jon-Benet Ramsey and rages obscenely about Pinkie Pie"

This made me a lot more excited than it should have.

I'm glad she likes Pinkie Pie. Her Boxxy character is obviously very Pinkie-like, but I know Boxxy is just a character, and not necessarily a reflection of Catie's real life personality. She raises some very good points, too; it's like she's reading my mind! Or at least my blogs. Please try and get this video through the hopper.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-01
I honestly don't remember seeing him in here. I looked up some of his posts, and he does seem like a really nice guy. I'm pretty embarrassed about this. I'm not in a position to mock anyone for unseemly interests.

I don't know if you're serious about getting this through, but if you want ME to do it, you're going to have to wait a while before I'm in the mood to draw attention to myself again after this. I've also been here since the days of POE Red, and I've never really put myself out this mnuch before. I don't know what magic powers you think I might have to get it through the hopper, except, I suppose, the ability to not be embarrassed about submitting a Boxxy video... but for the moment, my shamelessness powers are waning.

I don't think you were serious, but the fact that you were pretty respectful toward Boomer, not just in this thread but in others, makes me want to think that I've misjudged you.

>>This made me a lot more excited than it should have.

I'm going to assume that you're referring to the irony of it all. According to her Mom, this girl was reading Shakespeare for pleasure at the age of eight, something that I discovered at 30. She's smart as hell, and she loves irony.
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