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Desc:This elderly woman's husband's illnesses are all her fault
Category:News & Politics, Religious
Tags:christianity, 700 club, Pat Robertson, tithing, tithe
Submitted:RockBolt
Date:10/05/13
Views:1380
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Comment count is 24
TeenerTot
Fuck this guy. I can't even begin to say how angry this makes me. Pat can't approach the grave fast enough.

FUCK
gravelstudios
This is the standard fundy line. I've heard this exact same line of reasoning in more churches than I care to admit. The psychological tactics that Evangelical Fundamentalists use in an effort to bleed at least 10% (and usually more) out of the poorest and sickest people is absolutely reprehensible.

dairyqueenlatifah
You've really gotta hand it to evangelical Christianity.

"You need to give US money to give GOD money, and if you keep giving GOD money, at some undetermined point that we won't tell you, GOD will be satisfied and solve all your problems for you...but until he does, keep giving HIM money."

I mean, has ANYONE ever come up with a con this good?
takewithfood
The most successful religions actually give you problems you didn't even know you had, like original sin. It's the ultimate extortion racket.

Meerkat
Sure. "This invisible magic man in the sky only loves people who have faith in him and therefore can't prove he exists because then you wouldn't be believing in him because you have faith."

SchlongChimp
You forgot about part II:

It didn't work? You need to tithe more!

EvilHomer
Oh Pat Robertson, you silly idiot. If you want to be free of health and financial problems, you don't give your tithes to the Church, you give them to the State.

I wonder if, when Pat gets sick, he spends his money on God rather than doctors? He's still alive and kicking, despite being almost a hundred years old, so I guess he must!
Xenocide
Robertson's God all walking into this lady's house uninvited, kicking over a table or two.

"Nice life you've got here," he says. "Be a real shame if anything were ta happen to it."
TeenerTot
HA!
Thank you I needed a laugh.

Rodents of Unusual Size
I want this man to not die, but get a bunch of horribly painful diseases that his insurance won't cover.

Fuck him. Fuck him with genital warts.
Caminante Nocturno
There can never be a death painful enough to give Pat Robertson the suffering he deserves.

SteamPoweredKleenex
Maybe... If there was some disease he could have that was chronic, had visible symptoms, and was incurable in the short term so it would be painfully obvious he had it.

Any STDs fit the bill?

Rodents of Unusual Size
Is there a disease that combines constant liquid shitting in your pants coinciding when you say stupid shit?

That and maybe that Indonesian Tree Guy disease so his face turns into an Ent.

il fiore bel
Periodically spreading necrosis of the dickhole preceded by thirty minute long episodes of putrid stenches and a discharge of a cream-cheese-and-broken-glass consistency accompanied by a burning not unlike the scoville heat unit level of Trinidad Moruga Scorpion pepper.

Just kidding, of course.

.................................*insert troll face*

memedumpster
He's a Christian. There is no greater horror the universe can put upon a human lifetime.

PlusDome
if you make enough to give %10 of it away, you don't have already don't have financial problems. then you write it off your taxes, bonus.
cognitivedissonance
I have zero problem with Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism or Buddhism. The mainline five are alright with me.

This, however, is borderline Scientology, and I'll have none of that.
Jet Bin Fever
right on CG. Oh, and by the way, your blog is awesome, but i wish you had a scanner! Some of them are so blurry and hard to read. Real shame, because they're so charming.

Jet Bin Fever
not sure why I called you CG. I'm somewhat drunk. CD, I meant.

American Standard
Scum.
candyheadrobot
Give what you need to survive to "God" and he'll suddenly give you the means to survive, only you won't have the means to survive because you've given all your means to "God". "God" also means the guy wearing the nice suit telling you to give your money away. To think that I ever found these people the least bit agreeable is baffling, but when you're indoctrinated not to respect logic, shit looks like it's gold I guess.
il fiore bel
and how long should a human tithe until the devourer that needs to be rebuked is rebuked? these people are presumably in their 60s-80s and have been tithing all their lives, so how in the ever holy loving fuck is the total suddenly not enough at this point, and they end up with the shitty end of the stick?

pat robertson you are shitty at basic human compassion among other things
SteamPoweredKleenex
Ugh. I just looked it up, and everyone seems to think his son, Gordon, will take over after his contract with eldrich darkness is up and he dissolves into a cloud of bats once and for all.

And Gordon went to Yale, just like, oh... George W. Bush.

I never thought that the right-wing noise machine's claims about ivy-league schools being bastions of dangerous brainwashing was true, but I'm starting to think they might have a point.
Jet Bin Fever
This man knows nothing about tithing.
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