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Desc:Some animals may have been inadvertantly harmed.
Category:Pets & Animals, Classic Movies
Tags:cats, dogs, bears, Dudley Moore, WTF Japan
Submitted:John Holmes Motherfucker
Date:10/27/13
Views:2303
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Comment count is 42
SteamPoweredKleenex - 2013-10-27
I want to like her videos more than I do. She makes a lot of good points and some funny jabs at stuff, but she's SOOOOO hipster-ish.

I think I prefer my snarky reviewers like Yahtzee, where I don't see their actual faces. Maybe that's because they can edit some of the awkward out of their audio that way.
Quad9Damage - 2013-10-28
I think this is one of her older videos. She drops a lot of the hipsterness later.

Nostalgia Chick is of my favorite people on that site, and among the only ones (aside from Cinema Snob) with lasting value. Be sure to look up her review of "Matilda," where she looks at the movie as a whole alongside special guest star Mara Wilson.

The New Meat - 2013-10-27
Oh, I get it, it's like the nostalgia critic. He isn't funny either.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-27
Well, EXCUSE ME for naively supposing that the the point of a critic isn't necessarily to be funny. I actually think that that the Nostalgia Critic IS (sometimes) pretty funny, though not terribly interesting or insightful as a critic. The Chick has it the other way around.

I honestly don't get the hipster charge. Everything she covers is conspicuously mainstream. How can someone be a hipster and know so much about Disney movies? Is it because she wears glasses?

As someone who has been known to defend, and even profess admiration for Anita Hussein Sarkeesian, it's been eye-opening to see another Vaginal American pop culture critic cover the same issues in her respective media with so much more economy, humor, nuance, and irony. E.G.:

http://blip.tv/nostalgia-chick/nostalgia-chick-the-smurfette-p rinciple-3141764

But I posted this clip because I thought it summed up the fucked-up aspects of "Milo and Otis" in a way that was succinct and informative. It wasn't until the dupe check phase of submitting that I discovered there had been other Milo and Otis submissions, but compared to the ones I looked at, this was more succinct and informative.

Or, to put it another way: They threw 30 kittens off a cliff. How funny would you like that to be, asshole?
Wander - 2013-10-27
terrible

lotsmoreorcs - 2013-10-27
Did you know that every frame of a nostalgia chick video is an individual, beautiful portrait, that JHMF can, will, and does beat his wizened little crank to day in day out in his filthy cat piss smelling apartment?

Be careful dude, don't say that the video my man submitted sucks. You just aren't looking at things from the perspective of a lonely, sex-starved, guilt-ridden pervert whose sole joie de vivre is obsessing over female videographers he sees on the internet.

Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-10-27
I understand and respect your argument.

WHO WANTS DESSERT - 2013-10-28
JHM fixated on a young female YouTube personality? Never saw that coming.

CJH - 2013-10-28
nah guys he only cares about the kittens! the kittens, not this chubby little ellen page cocktease, who i admit might look a bit better in a strobe-light-heavy linux remix...

The New Meat - 2013-10-28
Sorry, JHM, the statute of limitations on cat murder has run out.

Protoseth - 2013-10-28
What in the world is with you CJH? Please tell me I'm missing so sort of in-joke here, because goddamn are you acting like one pointlessly offensive jerk.. I can see disagreeing with JHMF's taste, and have myself over the years, but what the fuck is your problem? Your insulting manner in reference to the gal in question is a little stomach turning; you get decide to to bring up her weight, which looks like it would be a dubious drawback at best, and her sexual quality in your eyes, and disregard anything having to do with her abilities in her chosen field, which might just be the most valid point to choose to find her disagreeable.

Check yo self, you pimple-faced virgin.

poopy - 2013-10-28
that is a gem. hopefully responding to protoseth's post won't take away from its beauty.

1. she has no abilities to offer her "chosen field"
2. youtube is the opposite of a chosen field
3. she is fat and so are you
4. http://poetv.com/video.php?vid=123578

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
>>Did you know that every frame of a nostalgia chick video is an individual, beautiful portrait, that JHMF can, will, and does beat his wizened little crank to day in day out in his filthy cat piss smelling apartment?

I'm 55 years old with fairly serious prostrate issues, and taking a cocktail of medications that inhibit my ability to produce semen. The idea that I could attain an erection while watching a YouTube review of "Milo and Otis" is actually sort of flattering.

My apartment smells fine. I use Simple Solution, and I observe the practice of a maintaining a separate litter box for each individual cat.

This is something like the seventh or eighth time someone has referenced my masturbation habits. Would you guys like me to post some pix?

lotsmoreorcs - 2013-10-28
Yes John, please post pictures of your crooked dick on the internet. Complete the cycle of self destruction to which you are so committed. Nothing would make me happier than to see you shriek angrily to the world that you are in fact more of a wretched, oafish deviant than you had already demonstrated, and that not only is it okay for you to be that way, that we are obligated to give a shit.

Old_Zircon - 2013-10-28
I didn't watch much of the video, but it's always worth 5 stars when PoeTV talks about "hipsters."

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
>>Yes John, please post pictures of your crooked dick on the internet. Complete the cycle of self destruction to which you are so committed. Nothing would make me happier than to see you shriek angrily to the world that you are in fact more of a wretched, oafish deviant than you had already demonstrated, and that not only is it okay for you to be that way, that we are obligated to give a shit.

Okay, so let's recap. I'm accused of being a deviant. Why? Well, apparently it's because I'm sexually obsessed with Boxxy, Tina Faye, The Nostalgia Chick, Antia Sareesian, Katy Perry, and there may be others I've forgotten. I don't talk about these women in a sexual way, I don't do anything about my obsession, or think about it very much, but lotsmoreorcs, a person who delights in posting graphic descriptions of my penis ( my "crooked dick", my "wizened little crank") believes he can read my mind over the internet. He sees into my soul.

Is this the "cycle of self destruction" you refer to, lotsmoreorcs?

When I criticized TFL Bill for advocating torture of women, he told me that I was taking the woman's side out of desperate vain hope that women on the internet would read my posts and have sex with me. On the internet, everything gets a sexual motive by default.. It's a an easy narrative that everyone can understand and get behind. I remember when we were discussing the piece of shit movie "Megan is Missing", and someone suggested that the director actually had a personal fetish for unbderage girls being raped and murdered. I think it's far more likely that he was trying to exploit an extreme, taboo subject so that he could direct features instead of doing the cinematography for TV shows, but the personal fetish story just became the narrative. Everybody just fell in line.

lotsmoreorcs probably doesn't know if he's indulging in good-natured ribbing, being a bully, or trying to rid the internet of an actual sex offender. I can't tell from his behavior, and I don't think he's thought about it that much. He's just doing what he does, and whatever happens will be what he intended.

I've been puitting up with this shit for ages, and the accusations themselves don't bother me that much, it's the endless march of of stupidity, the placing of an easy narrative over the acknowledgment that there is such a thing as reality. On the internet, if you deny being a deviant, it means you're a deviant. If I don't deny being a deviant, it means you're a deviant. This bugs the shit out of me, not because I care what you think of me, but because I happen to care about intellectual integrity. I really expected more of the new information age.

Does anybody know that I'm bisexual? I've mentioned it several times, but it never seems to resonate, maybe because it doesn't fit my narrative, or because it's no longer cool to call someone out for being gay. In the cheapest, least intellectually curious way, reality becomes what is most entertaining.

lotsmoreorcs - 2013-10-28
Dick pics or GTFO John

PS I am a woman

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
LOL. So you're not actually reading my mind; you're just being intuitive.

Nope. Neither dick pix nor gtfo will I give. I'm just going to stay here and let you keep acting like a brain-dead bigot, until it's obvious even to you. This is YOUR self destruction, not mine.

Why don't you keep explaining what you know about me because I liked a movie review. Dazzle me with your cracker jack logic.

The thing about me is, I identify with women. I like being a man, but I saw "Thelma and Louise" three times in the theater because I identified. It's just the way I am.

StanleyPain - 2013-10-27
Jesus, another HAHA LOLZ LOOK AT THIS DUMB MOVIE YouTuber.

Joe Bob Briggs, you ain't.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-27
Really? Joe Bob Briggs? HAHAHALOLZ?

I'm having a hard time believing that you watched this, but it's not something that I need to care about. I just came back here to stipulate that they ALLEGEDLY threw 30 kittens off a cliff.

Or maybe not. It may be that the statistic about 1/3 of 30 kittens not surviving refers to the filming as a whole, and not to the cliff stunt.

The New Meat - 2013-10-28
Oh right, I forgot this is the Internet, so we're all required to care about a 30 year old cat murder.

Quad9Damage - 2013-10-28
Except she's not a YouTube vlogger. She originally won a competition to be Doug Walker's female counterpart on That Guy With The Glasses, but has since become one of the dominant personalities on the site, and with intelligent things to say as an alternative to "FUCKITY FUCK FUCK, I AM ANGRY."

There are some awful people on That Guy With The Glasses. She isn't one of them.

The New Meat - 2013-10-28
Everyone on that guy with the glasses is awful because they are on that guy with the glasses.

infinite zest - 2013-10-27
I don't care how many kittens died for this video to happen. She's cute.
Spaceman Africa - 2013-10-27
Even more boring and charisma-less than the regular Nostalgia Critic
Nominal - 2013-10-28
One star for the even worse version of Nostalgia Critic, 5 stars for the always entertaining John Holmes trying SO HARD to convince everyone that he's all about respecting the minds of these brave nubile youtube girls.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
Nominal, let's face it, you're no Joe Bob Briggs.

Are you saying that I'm trying to convince you that I'm not attracted to a 29 year old woman, which would be pretty normal, I think.

What the fuck is wrong with you faggots? If only I could convince you of the extent of my contempt.

kamlem - 2013-10-28
The bear scene.
kamlem - 2013-10-28
*****

The cow scene.

Adham Nu'man - 2013-10-28
Animals are so cute let's just a take a bunch of them and maim them it's gonna be great!

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
Lou Reed is dead, and so I am going off to mourn.
EvilHomer - 2013-10-28
Yeah, that Lou Reed thing really made my day!

By the way, Mr Holmes, I was wondering... what are your thoughts on Ariana Grande? Personally I think she's hotter than Boxxy, but what about you?

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
The fascinating thing about Boxxy is that she wasn't a product of traditional corporate media. Of course, Google IS a corporation, but Google never groomed her to be a media product. Her celebrity spontaneously occurred from videos that were made for just a few friends. This is also why I love Rebecca Black,

I never heard of Arianna Grande before just now, but what a quick search reveals looks like a lot of sameoldsameold to me. Could only stand about 30 seconds of" Baby, I"


I'm sure Arianna scored high with the focus groups for the male demographic, so yes, objectively that makes her hotter than Boxxy. She's taller, with nicer tits and a better ass. As Catie herself admits, she practically has no ass at all.

http://youtu.be/JMUUkZQqFtY

EvilHomer - 2013-10-28
Boxxy has a perfectly adequate ass. And Boxxy could have easily been a corporate shill, had a suit discovered her first. I mean, look at Bieber: that bastard would have been an internet nobody if some record producer hadn't chanced on one of his videos before 4chan did.

Yeah, Ariana's pop music career is nothing special. She's got a real nice voice, but I'd recommend checking out her impersonations and her Cat Valentine skits from The Slap (she stars on one of those TV shows that pretends to be an internet show). What's even cooler is that her best friend and frequent partner, Elizabeth Gillies, looks like a Mean Girls-era Lindsay Lohan!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1OcAYMFQ0A

You're welcome, John.

Old_Zircon - 2013-10-28
Arianna Grande is a late 70s porn actress with massive breasts, right?

EvilHomer - 2013-10-28
She is in my fanfics.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-29
If you're not a Boxxy fan, I can never explain why all this vacant, wide-eyed posing is an inferior product, and if you are a Boxxy fan, no explanation is necessary.

>JHM fixated on a young female YouTube personality? Never saw that coming.

I submit a review of a movie about a kitten and a dog, and it becomes all about my supposed personal idiosyncrasies, resulting in multiple posts about my crooked, wizened .cock.

Did I see that coming? It's as predictable as gravity. Let's do it again soon!

In spite of the defamation, if you can dance to the rock and roll station, you know it's all right...

http://youtu.be/EkbpmFOuKrc

Adham Nu'man - 2013-10-29
You could also simply stop engaging the posts that are ad hominem attacks against you.

PROTIP: Never chop the hydra's head.

John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-28
Objectively, there's no reason for me to hate this, but the heart wants what the heart wants.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-29
I just want to say that I am completely in favor of PETA's sexy naked lady bullshit.
John Holmes Motherfucker - 2013-10-29
Just for fun, I'm going to close by repeating what i said about the Nostlgia Chick that started this discussion about my crooked wizened cock:


>>As someone who has been known to defend, and even profess admiration for Anita Hussein Sarkeesian, it's been eye-opening to see another Vaginal American pop culture critic cover the same issues in her respective media with so much more economy, humor, nuance, and irony.

Actually, i was trying to make the point that Anita Hussein Sarkesian is not that great, but it's true that nothing gets me hard like humor, nuance and irony. That's why i love this website.
lotsmoreorcs - 2013-10-29
Why's that John? So you can enjoy a "safe" forum to interact with women where they are not immediately terrified by the fact that you find them "fascinating"? Funny thing John I usually go for older guys, but you are such an overbearing creep that I find it hard to imagine anyone being able to tolerate your presence/body odor for more than a few minutes at a time.

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