Replace that crappy 50s surf rock theme with the NES game pause tune, and you've got a hit.
When I first saw this in the hopper, I couldn't believe that there was a Battletoads TV series I'd never heard of, and that the show didn't catch on. Having now watched it, I think I can see why the show failed.
1. Violated canon. I'm actually a little surprised at how angry this made me, but I'll try and remain calm and objective. The Battletoads were toads from space. They were not human boys who lived on Earth and magically transformed into Battletoads when they weren't in school. Using such a mundane plot device throws the romanticism and mystique of the Battletoads Universe out the window! Worse still, the Toads' alter egos are not cool, interesting humans - like fighter pilots or pro wrestlers - they're tweens (the lamest of all age groups!), and three of the most unlikeable, uncool tweens I've ever laid eyes on! The Battletaods deserve better
2. The setting. This plays in to the first problem. The Battletoads were the Turtles IN SPACE. That was their hook, that was what set them apart from all the other trash-talking animal mascot sentai of their day. Instead of living on Earth and holding down boring jobs, like working as garbage men or being pizza cats, they lived in space, and worked as full time space-rodent ass-stompers. Here? It seems pretty obvious that the show's creative team intended the series to take place on Earth, in an aggressively podunk SoCal suburb, with bullshit storylines revolving around school, malt shops, bullies, and whatever other bullshit lamewad twelve year olds might encounter on a day to day basis.
3. Late 50s surf rock? FUCK YOU, BATTLETOADS WRITING STAFF.
4. Last but not least - last and most important, actually - the Dark Queen. I don't think I need to point out how unbelievably babelicious the Dark Queen was. DQ was the real breakout character of the Battletoads franchise; when someone mentions Battletoads, what the first thing they remember? DQ, with those sultry eyes and killer curves. She's emblematic of the Battletoads franchise, and I'd argue that she's the franchise's only real enduring cultural contribution; the B Orchid, the Fonzy, even the Urkel, of Battletoads. The animators had a PERFECT character design to work with... so why, then, did they change her around and fuck things up SO BADLY? It's like making a Roger Rabbit show, and redesigning Jessica Rabbit so she looks like someone out of Denver the Last Dinosaur! Also, DQ's voice actress sucks.
Sadly, I have no Battletoads fan art. Yet.
Actually, there was a comic in Nintendo Power magazine around the time Battletoads was released that did have their origins as being humans who got turned into the Battletoads via the malfunction of some virtual reality system they invented. They were probably supposed to be more like college students, though, than tweens. (Note: There's no mention of this in any of the games as far as I know, so I don't personally accept it as the canon explanation of their existence.)
In the comic, they were video game testers. According to some editors on the Battletoads Wiki, the Nintendo Power comic is considered canonical, although I remain skeptical: there is no mention of their human origins in the primary sources, and the comics themselves seem to preclude their own origin story. According to the comics, the Battletoads video game franchise existed PRIOR to the game tester's metamorphisis; the testers simply fused with a trio of video-game creatures whom, we might infer, already had their own independent origin story. In other words, the comic was about people PLAYING Battletoads, people who were then sucked into the game's world as the result of a jealous hacker and MAGIC. But how did these in-game Battletoads come into being? Does the Wiki really expect us to believe that the in-comic video-game Battletoads were THEMSELVES game testers at Psicone Corp? Game testers who were playing a game involving in-comic in-game in-game Battletoads, who were game testers playing in-comic in-game in-game in-game Battletoads, who were game testers playing in-comic in-game in-game in-game in-game Battletoads, and so on, ad infinitum?
I'm pretty sure an origin story that requires it's own nested origin story to explain itself violates numerous laws of physics. How ridiculous!
Anyway, even if the comics are canon, the fact remains that a- the 'toads are not lumpy tweens and b- subsequent to their transformation, the Battletoads moved to outer-space, where they could serve as bodyguards for Princess Angelica; at no point did they live on Earth and lead double lives as regular human beings.
Jet Bin Fever
That's a pretty great but terrifying Deviant site. I hope Boomer gets a copy of that portrait for his doghouse.
Thank you! The Boomer portrait is kinda old and I didn't spend much time on it (as you can see, there's no background and the fur isn't very detailed). I've done pencil fanarts of Boomer before (I'm much more comfortable with pencil and ink than I am with acryclic paint), and I've been thinking of doing a new, better painting of our doggie, when I find the time.
I'm still trying to find my "niche" in the DA community; it's very much a casual thing at the moment. It seems like my horrible pony scribbles get more views and better feedback than the more thoughtful, carefully executed pieces, like the one I did of Rabbi Menachem. So that's something to think about.
Maybe I should just say fuck it and start painting SFW fetish art? I've got this idea for an inflated, age-regressed, gender-swapped Kaa that I think might go over pretty well...
I paused this when watching it initially, during the Dark Queen's appearance during the credits. It looked like she was being summoned from a huge spurt of seminal fluid.
That's from the game, right?
|Flying Omelette |
Oh, geez, this is worse beyond what I had imagined. The artwork makes it look like the toads have boobs. The one with the glasses, especially, looks like big sagging boobs.
|Kid Fenris |
I met the guy who wrote this. He had few kind words for it, but he was amused that the whole thing functions as a bizarre joke at the expense of Oxnard, California.
David Wise wrote some of my favorite episodes of Transformers. Useless Trivia: He's known for recycling his plots. Some of his TMNT episodes have identical plots to his earlier Transformers episodes.
He wrote "The Girl Who Loved Powerglide," didn't he?
He's a pretty cool guy. If you run into him, ask about his never-produced Batman: The Animated Series script where Batman became a suicide bomber.
Why hasn't there been a kickstarter yet to hire a private investigator for hunting down all the people responsible for Battletoads? Open up a business straight out of Hostel for traumatized NES generation kids.
The creation of Battletoads and the following campaign to make it look like a good game are the closest that video games have ever come to a bonafide war crime.
|Rodents of Unusual Size |
It should be pointed out to anyone that has not been to Oxnard that the entire town smells like pig shit.
This writing actually offends me and that is not easy to do. Like, that category is basically Rob Zombie movies and this.
Also "It's time to get horny" as a catchphrase in a children's cartoon series. I mean...what the shit?
| Register or login To Post a Comment|