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Desc:Available only on your new Xbox One!
Category:Video Games, Accidents & Explosions
Tags:orchid, killer instinct, Spinal, xbox one
Submitted:Kid Fenris
Date:11/21/13
Views:1583
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Comment count is 49
EvilHomer
Oh God. I am so pissed off right now, I can't even fucking think straight. I just it's just NAGAHSGAHGHSGHAGSHGSHASHAGSHAGS

iafewiusibvsibsibvsivvdsiisd

FUCK YOU, XBONE. YOU GODDAMN TROLLS.

sob
BorrowedSolution
Yessssss, yessssss. Give us your delicious tears.

Caminante Nocturno
Wherever you are, wherever you're from, I know what you're going through. But, don't be afraid, don't give in to fear.

Gmork
What are you, some button-up, dragon-print-shirt wearing playstation fan who wont shut up about final fantasy 7?

Gmork
SPOILER: I'm not buying either new console.

memedumpster
I was about to post "I am considering getting a PS4, it would be the first console I've bought since the PS1," but then I read Gmork's comment and felt shame. I have to get rid of this shirt first.

EvilHomer
Thanks, Caminante. That means a lot. It doesn't make things any easier, but it's the thought that counts. And ooo, Cena, glad you're here; did you see the present I made for you?

P.S. It's a pony shirt and FF7 was for mainstream bandwagon posers.

Mr. Purple Cat Esq.
Coupla years ago I decided to try out this whole 'console' biz (I grew up in a house with C64 and then 286 and then 486 and since then have always had a pc) I got a ps3, it basically sucked. I dont think one game on it ever really affected me powerfully (Well, maybe gran turismo sorta did a bit). And the restrictiveness of what OS, software, online shop etc you are *allowed* use was nauseating.

Flying Omelette
These stars are for Caminante because I actually know what that's from.

RocketBlender
Now you have me curious, what is it from?

Gmork
I HAVE OPINIONS AND BY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO BE SUBJECTED TO THEM

Nah but I actually don't care that much if people do enjoy the new consoles, I am just not a fan of the playstation controller unless i'm playing street fighter or something. I dislike being forced to use a playstation controller when i'm trying to move a character around in a 3d environment. I guess humans can get used to anything after using something long enough, but I have no idea why people buy shooters for the PS3/4.

Caminante Nocturno
This is all you need to hear.

http://youtu.be/vFcT_nDOo0Q

Flying Omelette
I'm not about to go through that guy's entire list. I'm just going to pretend it has Goe Goe Spark from Mystical Ninja on it.

EvilHomer
Yeah, Caminante was quoting the lyrics from Orchid's stage theme. WHICH WAS AWESOME.

Kid Fenris
I'm sorry I did this to you, Evil Homer. I just wanted to know what you thought of the new Killer Instinct.

RocketBlender
I have no shame in admitting that I am going to the Xbone midnight launch tonight... to pick up my copy of the new Zelda game that's releasing. Direct sequel to Link to the Past? Sign me up!
EvilHomer
I was going to buy one, too. The only game I was going to get was this one. But now, seeing what they did to Orchid? Man, the No Mercy moves had better be REALLY REALLY GOOD, or else I'm seriously reconsidering buying one of those stupid things.

EvilHomer
OH MY FUCKING CHRIST THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE NO MERCY MOVES

RocketBlender
I have to admit, I wanted to play the new KI. Not enough to actually buy an Xbone, but I wanted to. You're kind of killing that for me. It's sounding less like fun and more like rushed launch window crap, which kind have been Rareware's thing since Nintendo sold them.

I honestly thought they were crazy at the time, selling of the makers of games like DKC and Conker's Bad Fur Day, but the best game they've made since that sale was mediocre.

EvilHomer
>>It's sounding less like fun and more like rushed launch window crap, which kind have been Rareware's thing since Nintendo sold them.

That is EXACTLY what they're doing.

You know they don't even have all the characters? No shit. They're releasing the game "free", which is evidently the new bullshit-speak for "releasing the game as a demo". You get one, maybe two characters, and that's it. Then you've got to buy DLC for each character you want to add in to the game. And they're not releasing the characters all at once, oh no, they're giving you like two at a time, and then they're going to split the character releases into "Seasons" or some bullshit which essentially means months and months and months before KI's got a basic fighting game roster. The No Mercy moves, as I have just now discovered, will NOT be include on launch; in fact, they don't even seem to have started coding the damn things. The devs claim that they will "consider" making finishing moves, including stage fatalities, *DLC*, if and only if "the community supports their game". Oh, but No Mercy moves are "high" on the devs' list of priorities, so that's all fucking right then, isn't it?


And you wanna read something really funny? This was taken from an official Microsoft press release. No lie:


"The Microsoft representative mentions that Killer Instinct will be host to a smaller roster of characters as to not overwhelm players."


Yes, they actually said that.

RocketBlender
That... wow. That's Molyneux-level bullshit right there.

poorwill
Rare isn't working on this Killer Instinct - it's Double Helix. Also, Rare was never all that great under Nintendo. Viva Pinata and Banjo Nuts and Bolts were at least more interesting than anything they did there. Killer Instinct has always been shit. Also, the new consoles look fucking terrible. All the games look bad and boring.

Caminante Nocturno
Meanwhile, Skullgirls.

poorwill
Skullgirls wasn't made by Japanese people and therefore sucks.

SteamPoweredKleenex
All that cash for either console just to play side-view fighting games? Again?

Also, the best argument for the ps4 I've seen so far is that you can watch PornHub on it.
RocketBlender
He's not joking, for the record. http://icgeeks.org/pornhub-fully-supports-playstation-4/

memedumpster
Hell yes! I'm keeping the shirt now, it's suddenly amazingly appropriate.

Gmork
If they put M.U.G.E.N. on the OUYA maybe it would have sold?

Who am I kidding that thing is a fucking insult to paperweights.

Sexy Duck Cop
It's not about games, it's about tying your living room together. In a parallel universe where nobody owns cell phones.
Gmork
That angle always angers me. I HAVE FEET THAT TIE ALL MY EXPERIENCES IN DIFFERENT ROOMS TOGETHER WHEN THEY MOVE ME THERE.

Sexy Duck Cop
Really, what problem is this trying to solve? The .08 seconds it currently takes me to grab the remote and press the Netflix button? And in what scenario am I constantly jumping back and forth between Netflix, football, Skype, and my game? When would I ever need to do that?

BorrowedSolution
Seriously, guys. We all thought poetv was dead and now this happens? Fuck sake's.
poopy
THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW

BorrowedSolution
I can't believe you've done this.

StanleyPain
Guys, seriously, after all these years......you DO NOT BUY CONSOLES AT LAUNCH. At minimum, wait a few months for all the patches and problems and shit to get worked out and the library of games to get better.
RocketBlender
http://youtu.be/2rIJmGj4g-s

RocketBlender
I forgot it's actually on poe, which is sad because I submitted it. http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=125464

Vaidency
What an ugly looking game.

The character's musculature and proportions are way off, and not in an artistically interesting way. It just looks like the character model was built by an artist who isn't very good.

The rigging and animations are even worse. Look at how she moves at :25. She just slides her feet together as if she's on roller skates. All the game footage shows poor fluidity between moves, and at 1:04 they even zoom the camera in so you can get a good look at her batons passing right through her opponent's body while he wobbles back and forth and doesn't respond in synch with the actual impacts.

Maybe it's fun to play, but it certainly looks no better than similar games that came out 5+ years ago, so it's not doing a very good job of convincing me to spend hundreds of dollars on a new console.
themilkshark
Agreed. This game is ugly.

Caminante Nocturno
This all just means that it's staying faithful to the original Killer Instinct.

Nominal
I thought Killer Instinct was long regarded as self parody of everything wrong with the fighting genre? Pre-canned combos that were the quick time events for the day, ugly poser art that lacked the charm of Mortal Kombat's motion capture from the time when 3D looked so much worse than sprites, none of the visual spectacle of Marvel vs Capco, none of the over the top violence of Mortal Kombat, none of the refinement of Street Fighter or SNK games.
SteamPoweredKleenex
Hang on. Someone above says they're putting out a Zelda game for the Xbone, and KI was developed for Nintendo.

Is this some kind of porting and updating of Nintendo's old library? If so, I wonder if updating KI was some kind of contractual agreement just to see of Microsoft was serious about supporting whatever Nintendo threw at them.

Gmork
Nominal's comment.

The stages and music were neat, though.

poorwill
They're not putting out a Zelda game for the Xbone - it's for 3DS. It's just releasing on the same day.

Sanest Man Alive
That ending was way too spooky guys, wtf

Why would you even post that here
Gmork
SPINAL is the official skeleton week video game character representative. Whatever the fuck that means for 'im.

OxygenThief
What a unique female character.
Riskbreaker
Video games have been dying a slow painful dead.
Jet Bin Fever
She used to be black. I'll bet TJ Combo is a white dude now too.
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