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Desc:This obscure commercial is almost 2 years old but I still have a lot to say about how much I hate it
Tags:clear, false analogy, horrible commercial infinity
Submitted:Prickly Pete
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Comment count is 17
Prickly Pete - 2013-12-10

Alright here's my comment: Why the FUCK should the internet be like shirts? The internet and shirts are two completely, conceptually different ideas and products. And let's say the internet SHOULD be like shirts: ok so I just pay a lump payment upfront of about and I get years of internet service? I can lend out my internet to a friend for a few weeks, and when I get tired of my internet I can sell it or donate it to someone who doesn't have internet? I mean hey, the internet should be like shirts, right? And no data limits? Correct me if I'm wrong but that doesn't exist, right? The fine print would affirm this when it says "Unlimited plans subject to CLEAR's Acceptable Use Policy."

I hated this commercial years ago but the video going around comparing healthcare to coffee reminded me of it. Yes, ok all products should be treated exactly equally. It's this bizarre society we've crafted that shuns any kind of differences in anything. Men and women are exactly equal. All races are exactly equal. Now all concepts and ideas are exactly equal? Granted that right now the latter is only adopted by the super stupid, but it would seem that at least enough people have got on board with that to not only craft this commercial but spur a couple of YouTube comments saying that it's the "best commercial ever!". This commercial is the beginning of the end, people!

Flying Omelette - 2013-12-10

Everything on YouTube that's not related to Obama gets positive comments, no matter how terrible it is.

Prickly Pete - 2013-12-10

I was referring to this commercial. Unless this commercial was prophesizing the healthcare debate! It's in Revelation, people!

EvilHomer - 2013-12-10

Well, shirts are a good, internet access is a service. That's the main problem with their analogy; it's impossible to transfer ownership rights for a service, unless of course you're talking about a slave labour setup. And actually, that might not be such a bad idea! I'd be fine with my ISP being treated as my own personal indentured servant, but obviously that's never going to happen.

That said, the underlying message is good. My biggest problem with this commercial isn't the message itself, but the fact that CLEAR does not actually believe what it is saying. The internet should not have any limitations at all; no data caps and no usage policies. Information is, after all, the world's first and only true post-scarcity commodity, and as we can no doubt all agree, any restrictions placed upon non-scarce resources are inherently unnatural and wrong! But fat chance finding an ISP, let alone a mobile network ISP, who shares this point of view.

misterbuns - 2013-12-10

whistling / ukulele is the dog whistle of the status quo

five because i think i saw the shirtless guy on growlr.

Old People - 2013-12-10

You're absolutely right about the whistling/uke trend. I never noticed it until you pointed it out, but now I realize that twenty years from now, when they're parodying the crude television of this era, the wretched whistling or ukelele at the end of every damn commercial will be a fat target.

EvilHomer - 2013-12-10

I think it's a generational thing; they're trying to appeal to us young, wired hipsters, and they think being quirky and unimposing is the way to do it. And what's quirkier and less imposing than whistling while strumming a ukelele?

I usually notice that stuff in tech commercials, like iPads, TVs, hybrid cars, and smartphones. Financial institutions, like banks and insurance companies, seem to like it, too. I'm sure there's some techno-Illuminati symbolism going on here.

chumbucket - 2013-12-10

don't forget the jazzy brushed drums

The New Meat - 2013-12-10

In my household, we just call it "that plinky plinky music from the Apple commercials."

misterbuns - 2013-12-10

It's not really young people. it's people looking to be comfortable, so it's more like people looking to buy a house, just a had a kid.

Gmork - 2013-12-10

I liked whistling and ukeleles before they were cool.

Old_Zircon - 2013-12-10

So, like, 1920 or so?

Hooker - 2013-12-10

I was going to go on a tear about how this is just a fucking ad and why is it here, but the Pete losing his mind story is pretty good so five stars.

Prickly Pete - 2013-12-10

Yes, perhaps my white-man rage over the insignificant is the real exhibit here moreso than the actual video. I'll take it!

spikestoyiu - 2013-12-10

Yeah, I barely even remember this dumb commercial, which is really no more stupid than most commercials. But clearly it is causing Prickly Pete much consternation, so this is a great submission.

That guy - 2013-12-10

So are they saying:
The internet should be like shirts
ISP service should be like shirts

If it's the latter, then on at least some occasions, an ISP service is CLEAR and shirts are CLEAR.

memedumpster - 2013-12-10

I think the message here is that people without pants shouldn't bitch about people without shirts, because as the commercial so plainly states in rapid low key fine print : coverage is limited.

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