|Sexy Duck Cop - 2013-12-19 |
My escape from LA yesterday consisted of eating a lot of weed candy cane bars, calling for a shuttle to LAX, having a pleasant chat with the Lebanese driver, and drifting off into a peaceful slumber.
Sexy Duck Cop
It was. My last escape from LA was even better. Same deal with the weed brownie, only, for no goddamned reason, halfway through the ride Los Angeles turned into 18th century London, with virtually opaque fog blanketing the empty, pre-dawn streets.
Our first stop was UCLA, and there was a hot girl who had the job that I wanted (English tutor), so I started chatting her up, more for professional reasons than anything else. Our next passenger was a middle-aged Asian man in glasses, who overheard us and mentioned he used to be an English tutor as well, at a nearby community college. I made happy little "Oonngh!" noises and tried to "casually" demonstrate my passion for the field to the girl by carrying on a conversation with him (the girl was looking stuff up on her phone for me). You know, stuff about how rewarding it is, how fascinating language is, the diversity of the students, etc.
Then the Asian man starts bragging about beating up retarded kids.
Like he tells me about this former gangbanger who got a head injury and suffered severe brain damage, but still wanted to be tough, so this guy starts bragging to me about how he, his teacher, slammed him into a wall and talked shit in his face about how he was a cripple now and no longer tough.
It was a test of all my diplomacy to sound at once sympathetic to both parties. No one was offended, but I didn't get the job.
By the time I arrived at LAX I was way, way, way too high to navigate anything, so I oriented myself by pretending this was an episode of Dexter and everything had to be narrated for really dumb people: (The ghost of my dead father) "Careful Aaron! If you miss your flight you'll be at the airport long than necessary!" (voice over) "If I don't make it through security soon I might miss my flight." (mumbling to myself) "I need to walk fast to get to my plane faster."
|Xenocide - 2013-12-19 |
Yeah, yeah, we all know about the rise of President Huckabee.
|SolRo - 2013-12-19 |
That guy would have lost in the 2012 republican primaries for not being conservative enough.
|RocketBlender - 2013-12-19 |
I used to think Kojima was so awesome and original until I saw this and a handful of other movies...
|Jack Dalton - 2013-12-19 |
Remember that time I set off a shit storm of rage when I suggested that Escape From LA was an underrated John Carpenter classic? I posted a couple of sweet clips-- and I was mocked.
Well, I stand by my assertion.... This movie rules.
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